Trading Spouses Vamp Style
by EdwardLuvr22
Summary: Lovely Esme doesn't bet right? Emmett decides to change that. What would happen if this bet landed the entire Cullen family into a popular TV show known as Trading Spouses? Well let's find out...
1. The bet

**Summary:**

**Lovely Esme doesn't bet, right? Emmett, being the fun idiot we all loves decides to change that! What happens when this bet lands the whole Cullen family in a popular TV show? What do you think would happen if the Cullen family had their very own episode of Trading Spouses? Well let's find out…**

**A/N: Okay guys this is my second fanfic… and not at all depressing like my last! LOL so this idea just popped into my crazy head and I decided to try it out! Please Please tell me what you think and if you want me to continue because I am not entirely sure if I should run with this story or not. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW and tell me what you think! Thanks!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight unfortunately, although Stephenie has graciously allowed people to have a bit of fun with her characters!! Enjoy!!**

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_Esme's POV_

I sat in the living room watching the television with my dear Rosalie. Apparently this show was one of her favorites. Not something I would normally do, but seeing that Carlisle was still at work and I had nothing better to do, I sat on the couch watching humans strut about the screen trying for an entertaining manner.

I am not quite sure what I was watching, but it had to do something with a man from another world who had super human strength, speed, and durability, just like us without the whole drinking blood thing. Although, unlike us, he had a strong weakness called something like Kryptonite. He was like a combination of Edward and Emmett making it quite comical.

In build, he defiantly reminded me of big burly Emmett, intimidating in size but kind at heart. Then his personality and actions reflected Edward quite well. He was very protective of this Lana character, which happened to be human, further simulating my eldest son. I believe this main character's name was Clark… yes Clark Kent.

"Emmett is so much better than this wana be vampire! Look at his arms! They are weak in comparison to Em's sexy bod," Rosalie criticized with a smug look on her face.

"Rose, then why are you so attached to this show?" I questioned not understanding her reasoning at all. Laughter came from the kitchen where the rest of my children were gathered, with the exception of Edward and Bella. They would be joining us this fine Saturday afternoon shortly.

"Because I know Emmett is so much better! Come on! Emmett got me and Clark got that Lana girl! Ha, I am so much prettier than her that it is almost funny," As if to prove her point, Rosalie flipped her hair while crossing her arms. "Plus that Lex Luther knows what he wants and will stop at nothing to get it, just like me."

I struggled to keep from rolling my eyes at my highly conceited daughter. Sometimes it amazed me how vain she could be, but it didn't make me love her any less. She really was a sweet girl under her 'I love myself' and 'I'm tougher than you'.

Having heard our conversation, Emmett entered the living room, a big goofy smile playing across his face. I had to admit, he was much more… fit than this Clark Kent to say the least.

"Did I hear someone talking about my hot bod?" He paraded over to Rosalie, drowning out her giggles with a very involved kiss. I loved my children dearly, but that did not mean I wanted to witness them practically eating each other's faces right in front of me. I got up to leave the room when Emmett stopped me.

"Wait mom! I wanted to ask you something," Stopping right before I hit the stairs, I turned to look at him expectantly.

"Yes Emmett?"

"Well Jasper and I were betting in the kitchen and," before he could continue, I interrupted.

"You know how much I dislike your betting Emmett," I was not favorable of their constant bets about this and that. Money wasn't the issue; it was the things they made each other do. For example, Emmett lost a bet to Jasper last week and he had to go to school dressed up in female clothing! Not only did he get expelled from school for cross-dressing, but also Rosalie was extremely ticked off because her husband stretched her favorite shirt and her skirt was beyond repair. Not to mention her high heels that broke under his weight.

"I know, that is my point!" Emmett said while dramatically throwing his hands up in the air. Jasper walked in the room followed by Alice listening to mine and Emmett's exchange.

"I don't see where you are going with this?" The glint in his topaz eyes told me he was up to something, and that was never good.

"Well you have never even tried betting so how do you know it won't be fun?" He was asking me to try betting? Yes that defiantly was an Emmett thing to ask. Before I could turn his crazy idea down, he interrupted me.

"Come on, please! I promise it will be fun! If you win I will do anything you want! … And vice versa… but I will never ask you again if you just try it this once!" He went all out with the begging thing, even kneeling in front of me with his hands together. What topped it all off was the big puppy dog face he gave me. Yeah, try starring at a man the size and shape of a bear giving you a puppy dog face! I wanted to burst out laughing and give him anything he wanted at the same time… but I still disliked betting.

"Emmett I'm sorry, but I just…" Again he cut me off.

"Please, please, please mommy!" What the heck? Mommy? He was most defiantly desperate. I couldn't help but notice as Jasper's smile grew while I attempted to turn down Emmett's offer. With a dramatic sigh I gave in. I mean who could resist?

"Huh, fine but only this once. So how do we do this?" I asked, laughing at Emmett's reaction.

"BOO YA! She said yes!" He was jumping up and down like a little child on Christmas morning that just got the gift of their dreams. During our conversation Edward walked in the door carrying a giggling Bella bridle style.

"What's up?" Edward asked as he placed his fiancé down gently.

"Esme is going to make a bet with me!" Emmett didn't hesitate to exclaim proudly. Everyone knew how much I detested this form of entertainment, causing both Edward and Bella to stare at me in skepticism.

"You're really going to bet him Esme?" Bella asked sweetly with wonder I her eyes as she clung to Edward's side. He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her hair. They really were so cute together and she made him so happy! I was elated Edward finally found someone he truly loved.

"Yes dear, I guess I am," I shook my head at what I had just agreed to. My, my, my, this had better not end badly. What will Carlisle think?

"Noooooo!" Jasper cried dramatically while hanging his head in despair. I was confused for only a short second before Emmett made it clear.

"That's right Jazzy boy! A thousand bucks straight up!" Of course they bet on my response. I simply rolled my eyes at them.

"Hey the bet was five hundred you moron!" Jasper said aggravated.

"No it was a thousand!" Emmett replied just as stubborn. Before I knew it Jasper and Emmett were rolling around the living room wrestling for the upper hand. They were knocking into everything!

"Boys, please," I attempted to end their quarrel but went unheard to their ears. Emmett was able to pin Jasper to the ground, ecstatic that he had triumphed in their little battle.

"A thousand man," Emmett padded Jasper on the back after helping him up. They were laughing absent-mindedly until Jasper caught on to my irritation. I knew they were only joking with each other when they roughhoused, but they still always ended up damaging something in my nice house!

"I told you guys not to wrestle in the house!" My hands were placed firmly on my hips.

"Sorry mom," both of them apologized together before fixing the overturned furniture. Luckily nothing was broken this time.

"So on to the bet then?" Rosalie was leaning against the doorway to the kitchen in an uninterested manner.

"Yes come on guys! Wow, I didn't even see Esme agreeing! This is going to be fun!" Alice sang, skipping back into the kitchen. The rest of us followed her, and I noticed a stack of cards sitting on the table. Oh merciful heavens, what did I get myself into? Everyone gathered around the table with me sitting opposite from Emmett.

"Okay, we are going to play black jack which is a card game," Emmett was speaking very slowly as is explaining to a toddler. "In this game the dealer gives you a card face down and…"  
"Emmett dear I am not that obtuse to not know how to play black jack," I replied confidently.

"Really? Oh sorry. So the winner of our little game gets to make the loser do any one thing they want," Jasper acted as the dealer while Emmett explained what we were betting.

Once he said the prize, I knew exactly what I would make him do upon victory! No more betting! Then, remembering the previous wrestling match that occurred in my living room and the other day when he broke my favorite lamp while rough housing with Edward, I thought again. I could ban him from wrestling in the house, or near it at least. Edward smiled at me apoligetically having heard my thoughts. I returned his warm smile showing I wasn't still upset about the lamp before turning to face my opponent.

"Game on then," I smiled looking at my cards, deciding what the best move would be.

"Ladies first," Emmett gestured to me from across the table. I was about to go when Alice gasped, her hand flying to her mouth in surprise.

"I can't believe who is going to win!" She said before giggling. Okay? Edward merely looked amused. Whatever happens happens I guess.

"Hit me dealer," I told Jasper allowing him to pass me another card. Keeping a poker face, I did not show my glee at having a 20 out of 21.

"Give me a hit too buddy," Emmett, declared smacking the table, it shook beneath his paw like hand.

"Careful, I don't want this table broken Emmet Cullen!"

"Sorry mom," he said remorsefully before his signature smile covered his face.

"Would you like to show cards or take another hit mother dear?" His voice was far too smug for my liking; maybe taking this bet wasn't such a good idea.

"I'm good," I said carefully, eyeing him warily. I was his mother; he wouldn't make me do something too horrible if he won would he? Oh merciful heavens I hope not!

"Okay let's see your cards," Jasper said while sending out strong waves of suspense. If I was human, I know I would have been sweating from nervousness.

Flipping my cards over, I stated my hand. "Twenty?" my voice betrayed my nerves as it was slightly shaky and came out as a question.

"Well I'm sorry mommy dearest, but that just doesn't quite make it. Twenty-one," He beat me. My nerves were replaced with dread.

"DAMN IT!" I yelled after Jasper sent me an immense wave of frustration and anger. Everyone starred at me in shock at what I had just said. Oh my goodness! Once again I was glad I was not human, otherwise I would have done a very Bella thing and blushed at my mistake.

"Umm…" I cleared my throat uncertainly, "I… uhh… sorry?" The uncomfortable silence lasted for about two more seconds before everyone burst into laughter, me included.

"I… can't… believe… Esme… just swore!" Emmett gasped out between fits of laughter. Jasper of course was highly amused to the point where he no longer controlled his power, and soon enough he had everyone rolling around the floor laughing so hard it was difficult to breathe. Luckily we didn't have too… wait Bella! Jasper must have realized this at the same time for he immediately sent waves of calm. Bella was draped over Edward gasping for air while he worriedly stroked her hair.

"Bella love are you okay?" Edward asked once she reclaimed her breathing correctly.

"Yes I'm fine," she smiled at everyone before letting out a few more giggles. "And don't worry Esme, we didn't hear a thing." I smiled gratefully at her.

"I really am sorry, I don't know what came over me!" My behavior was inexcusable! Oh what will Carlisle say if he hears?

"The effects of betting mom," Edward remarked, his crooked grin causing Bella to swoon. How cute!

"Umm and could you guys conveniently forget this little incident when speaking with Carlisle?" I asked. I would probably end up telling him anyway because we keep no secrets, but I would rather he heard it from me.

"Like Bella said mom, I don't know what you are talking about! So now it's time for you to pay up!" Emmett looked at me excitedly.

"Oh no," stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did I take that bet! See, this is why it is bad! The loser feels horrible… and a little scared in my case. That is bad enough without the swearing that just seems to erupt!

"Oh yes! Now what shall I make you do?" Right at that moment, the TV caught his attention. Rose and I had left it on and I shuddered with horror at what I saw. It wasn't Smallville anymore; instead a famous reality show… and I knew that was exactly what Emmett would make me do. As if mocking me, the TV announced my doom.

"That's right ladies and gentlemen! It's time for TRADING SPOUSES!"

"Perfect," Emmett purred evilly, while rubbing his hands together like you see in the movies. I was so dead… well metaphorically since technically I was already dead, actually more like the undead really… oh forget it.

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**A/N: Well there you go guys! Tell me what you think! … Oh and if someone can give me a bit of info on trading spouses or wife swap (whatever) cause I am not a total pro on the specifics of the show and it would make my story writing a great deal easier! Thanks! )**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- Sorry if the characters are a little OOC in this story… I will try my hardest )**


	2. Alice did WHAT?

**So obviously I decided to run with it! Yay! lol Thank you guys so much for all the reviews!! Defiantly what I was hoping for ;)**

**I want to give a special shout out to **_Lady Saruman_** for helping me out with the details of the show!! You were tons of help!! I also want to thank Minnoi soooo much for editing this chapter!! :)**

**So after the next chapter the fun will begin!! Can't wait!! Remember to REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!! It helps more than you know!!… And gets you the chapters faster!! So please don't forget!! XP**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight… or Wife Swap/Trading Spouses… but that won't stop me from writing about them!! Evil laugh**

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_Edward's POV_

"Please don't make me! Anything else!" She looked desperate as she glared at the TV as if it were at fault.

"Sorry mom, but you will be the next candidate for trading spouses!" He looked elated with his chosen prize. The only thoughts running through my mother's head were a chorus of 'Oh No's and 'What will Carlisle think?'. I did feel bad for her, but at the same time, it would be very entertaining.

"Wait what exactly is Trading Spouses? I have heard of it, but never really seen it," Bella asked me with a puzzled look on her face. I adored the different human expressions, which further highlighted her beauty. How did I get this lucky?

"It's a reality TV show where they take two families and switch the wives for two weeks. Then cameras basically follow each family around hoping for some entertaining action. Normally the personalities are the complete opposite so that it is more entertaining to the viewers." My explanation cleared her confusion. She turned and directed another question toward Emmett. Somehow, that doesn't surprise me, as my precious Bella always seemed to have a question on her mind.

"But how can she participate? It would involve the whole family… on live TV…. With thousands…"

"Millions," I corrected.

"MILLIONS of viewers! I don't know if you know this, but that is not exactly low key." The sarcasm of her last remark was clearly heard. **(A/N: I have no idea how many viewers wife swap actually has… just a guess)**

"Silly Bella we are pros at acting human! Besides just think of it as family bonding!" Emmett was dedicated to this idea even though the rest of us were skeptical.

"But I won't be there. You guys want to have family bonding without me? You guys are so ready to kick me out aren't you," Esme looked dejectedly at the floor, adding a sniffle to emphasize her supposed distress.

"Aww mommy we love you!" Emmett cooed not meaning to upset her. Everyone besides Alice, Jasper, and I had totally bought her act, but with our abilities we could see right through it. She wasn't even careful with her thoughts!

'_Oooo maybe I can guilt them into not making me do this! They love me too much to not fall for it! Ha… I'm not as innocent as they think!' _She thought apparently having forgot my sixth sense if you will.

"B-but you want me t-too leave," now she covered her face with her hands. Nice touch. I saw in Emmett's mind that he was about to give in and choose something else, but this was just too good to let go! Sorry mom, but I gotta do what I gotta do, I added mentally even though I knew she couldn't hear me.

"Don't buy it Emmett, she's faking big time. To think our own adopted mother would try and deceive us!" I feigned hurt before a smile broke through on my face.

"Oh you play dirty! No buts! We are signing up for Trading Spouses!" Emmett stood up from the table and stalked out of the room like he was the king of the world. Wait; did he even know how to sign up? We sat there for about three seconds before he slowly came back into the room.

"Umm… Alice could you uhh… well I…. What the hell I have no idea what I am doing!" he gave in. We laughed at his macho walk gone bad.

"Sure Emmy!" Alice jumped from here seat and skipped to her computer. Geez! She was seriously the energizer bunny gone vamp!

"Wow, does she skip everywhere?" Bella asked smiling, almost mirroring my thoughts exactly. I simply kissed her forehead, giving a 'humph' in agreement seeing that her question didn't need an answer this time.

Jasper followed Alice into the other room to help because he was the most computer savvy. Rosalie left too, probably to 'stare at her perfection' again. Esme mentioned something about tending to her garden and that at least her plants seem to love her. I chuckled at her unwillingness to go along with this whole show idea. I thought it would be interesting, apart form the whole TV thing. It would be quite the experience.

I led Bella up to my room and turned on my stereo system. Some soft classical music flowed through the speakers. Bella smiled at me from the couch, wrapping her soft arms around me when I sat next to her. Imitating her, I enveloped the love of my life in my arms and just sat with her in a comfortable silence. I loved that fact that we didn't have to fill up every second with mindless babble, but instead could just enjoy each other's company.

After awhile she turned in my embrace so that she was facing me, kissing me softly on the cheek. I relished in the warmth of her supple lips on my cold, hard skin. Just this simple gesture sent feelings through me that I never thought attainable before I met her.

"I love you Isabella," I whispered into her ear while nuzzling her neck.

"I love you too," I could hear the smile in her voice.

"So what do you think of this trading spouses thing? Do you think it's really a good idea?" She questioned, running her hands through my messy hair. I was completely content.

"It will be out of the ordinary, that's for sure. It just seems fun, and gives us something to do for a while. Hopefully our acting skills will suffice. Plus it will give you another human experience you never would have expected" I was actually looking forward to it. Not that I wanted to be rid of Esme at all, it would just be fun to test myself as a human and amusing having some human try and run our house.

"What is it with you, and me having human experiences? It isn't like I couldn't do these things as a vampire Edward," her voice was soft to keep the mood light. I really detested taking away her soul and potentially threatening her place in heaven, but I had accepted a while ago that it was inevitable. I couldn't live without her and since she was so willing… I would rather think of other things than damning her to this life.

"But they won't be human experiences, they will be vampire experiences. There is a difference my love."

"Sure there is," she replied with a giggle again keeping the mood light. I kissed her nose before detangling myself from her.

"What are you doing?" Her face showed disapproval as I left her arms. I couldn't hold back my chuckle.

"Alice is coming," I answered right before my lovely, nosy sister burst into the room.

"OMG! Guess what! They were looking for candidates for the next show and we matched perfectly! We will start in a week! Isn't that great!" She squealed jumping up and down. Yet again I was reminded of an energizer bunny on overdrive. The fact that we matched perfectly made me laugh. Who knew they were looking for a crazy vegetarian vampire family that happened to all mesh despite the differences?

"Do you know who we will be swapping with?" I asked only needing her to think about it to get my answer.

"The Nutcrackers! They have two twin girls, and… well a dog but I'm sure Esme will be fine!" She said out loud for Bella's sake. Her face twisted into a grimace at the mention of a dog, but returned to its overly excited self right after.

"What kind of name is Nutcracker?" I asked, suddenly wondering if this was such a good idea. All we needed was some insane person in a house full of vampires. Well, I guess they would be a little touched in the head to stay with a house full of vampires in the first place… but they just don't know that.

"Now Eddie don't be a meanie head," she scolded while pointing her finger at me.

"Don't call me Eddie," I growled while trying to get her to leave my room.

"Temper, Temper Edward" she mocked a motherly voice before prancing over to my soon to be wife. "Guess what time it is Bella!" I almost laughed at Bella's look of horror at Alice's words.

"Oh yeah, wow times flies I desperately need to be home right now! Bye Alice," She attempted to flee, but Alice would have nothing of it.

"I know you don't need to be home Bella! Come on, don't you want to go shopping? In celebration for making the show!" Giving Bella her signature pout, Alice was the most dangerous thing I had ever come across. I swear she could get the boogieman to play nicely with the children.

I decided to come to Bella's rescue yet again, "Alice shouldn't you tell everyone what we will be doing on this show? Like the specifics because I don't think Esme has ever seen it and has no idea what she is in store for."

"Oh right! Sorry Bella, but we will have to shop later. I know, I know… it's horrible but Edward is right," Alice patted Bella's hand softly as if Bella was in utter despair before taking off downstairs.

The minute Alice left, Bella jumped in my arms and kissed me. I was shocked and it took me a few seconds until I reacted and kissed her back.

"Thanks Hun! You are my knight in shining skin," she said smiling.

"Umm… isn't it knight in shining armor?" Did Alice's threat to shop somehow affect her brain?

"Well yeah but you don't have armor silly! You have shining skin!" With that she turned to skip down the stairs to the living room where the rest of the family was gathering. Two words: Bad Idea. Unfortunately my sweet angel was physically challenged to say the least. She could hardly walk on a flat surface without tripping, let alone skip down stairs!

She didn't even reach the stairs before her feet sent her crashing to the ground, which I would never let her hit of course. Wrapping my arms securely around her waist, I was once again her "knight in shining skin" as she put it. Pulling her up, she graced me with her gorgeous blushing making me smile almost immediately.

"Thanks," She said softly before we made our way down the stairs, carefully this time.

"Geez you guys take forever! What, did Bella trip again?" Emmett inquired playfully. Unsurprisingly Bella blushed confirming his guess.

"Aww she fell and I missed it! Do it again!" He starred at her intently actually expecting her to purposely fall! The nerve! My deep growl and narrowed eyes set him in his place, ending his ridiculous notion.

"Settle down boys. Now Alice what exactly have I gotten myself into?" Esme's voice came out a little worried along with her thoughts. I gave Jasper a meaningful look, and he calmed her down.

I sat at one end of the couch, pulling Bella into my lap. Rose and Emmett were next to us mirroring our position. Alice was jumping up in down in front of us, Jasper by her side, and Esme and Carlisle sat together ion the loveseat. Once everyone was situated, Carlisle nodded for Alice to explain. According to his thoughts, Esme had attempted to explain to her husband that she lost a bet and landed the entire family on a reality TV show. He was in disbelief and shock at the moment. I don't think telling him she also slipped and swore would make it any better.

"Okay so I sent in our application online, and they called back a little bit ago! We are perfect for the show and will be trading with the Nutcracker family!" Jumping up and down like a maniac she continued, "So basically Esme will switch with Stacy Nutcracker in a week. They live in New Haven Connecticut, and I already checked the weather so Esme will be safe from the sun! It lasts two weeks. The first week, the moms have to follow a set of rules for the family that are provided from the original mother. Then the second week they can make all the changes they want and run the house the way they want to! Supposedly each family goes through a life changing experience and live happily ever after, but we are pretty good actors so that will be no problem!" Alice finished her little rant and just stared at us.

"S… S-Stacy…N-Nutcracker! What in the blazes kind of name is that?" Emmett was slumped against Rosalie, laughing so hard it looked as if he would pass out.

"Sheesh Emmy! You're just as big a meanie head as Edward!" Alice chastised.

Ignoring Emmett's outburst, Carlisle spoke, "So what you're saying is, Emmett made a bet with my wife and then sends her away for two weeks?" He was not at all pleased and everyone could see that.

"Come on dad! It will be fun, and crazy! I like crazy, huh Bella?" Bella scowled at Emmett's comment.

"Huh, okay I guess we have to since Alice so kindly set everything up," It wasn't everyday that Carlisle used sarcasm.

"Oh daddy I already knew you would say yes!" Alice said matter-of-factly.

"Then I guess it's settled. What rules exactly should I put down? You guys are all independent," Esme was finally coming around to the idea, even if she wasn't totally thrilled about it.

"Exactly that! We are independent. You might want to also add no wrestling in the house," Alice smiled kindly at Esme.

"Thanks Alice," Esme thanked her warmly.

"Oh wait! I almost forgot! For this show, Rose and me have to be bisexual," Alice added nonchalantly like that was the most normal thing to say.

"WHAT?!" We all screamed at the same time! Where the hell was this coming from? I grabbed my head attempting to regain control as my family screeched outrageously with their thoughts. I felt Bella remove my hands and start to rub my temples soothingly. Even going on this show was daring enough, but for them to… oh my god!

"Calm down! Geez! You guys are just lucky I didn't say we all were!" Alice rolled her eyes as if we were all over reacting.

"Alice what are you talking about?" Esme asked upset. She looked flustered.

"You wanted to get on the show right! Well our family has to be the complete opposite of the one they already chose and if I didn't add that in, they would have turned me down! I said what I could so that we matched perfectly!" She looked at all of us pleadingly, hoping we would understand and forgive her. I knew us matching "perfectly" sounded a bit off!

"Whatever, I'm in. Sounds fun," Rosalie broke the silence indifferently. She wasn't even looking at us; instead, she sat there inspecting her nails.

Alice smiled triumphantly, "See! It's fine! Oh and umm…"

"WHAT ALICE!" Everyone screamed at her in unison again.

"Well if Jazzy and Emmy could maybe hug a lot or something, that would be good," This time she wouldn't look at us. Her eyes wandered over the ceiling, walls, floors… you get the point.

"What do you mean Alice?" Jasper spoke slowly, trying to restrain the anger in his voice.

"Umm so I may have… uhh… said you two were also bi… But it's all good really! Come on, it will test your acting skills!" That sent both Jasper and Emmett off.

"Eww! I would never be gay with him!" Emmett shrieked like a little schoolgirl. Always trying to be the funny one…

"I would never be gay at all! Ugh Alice why!!" Jasper sank to his knees in despair making it seem like the world was ending.

"Enough," Carlisle demanded, causing the room to go silent at once, "Emmett, you started this so you have no right to complain. There is not much we can do now so just deal with it. If that means… expressing yourselves more… affectionately, then so be it. It is only two weeks and I am tired of the yelling and complaining. Alice, please never mess with others… gender choice after this."

"Yes Carlisle," we all droned, accepting the inescapable. I was so thankful that she didn't say anything about me.

He continued upon achieving our agreement, "Alice, is there any other surprises you would like to spring on us while we're at it?"

"Uhh…" why was she singing the alphabet in several different languages in her head? Oh no… "I may have also told them that… umm that Edward kind of… was a cross-dresser at home," she squeaked before hiding behind Jasper.

"ALICE!" I roared. How dare she! Launching myself at her, I had lost control. Fortunately for her, Jasper and Emmett restrained me until I gave up. That stupid little Pixie was permanently on my bad list!

"Alice, please tell me that is all," Carlisle implored with his head in his hands while Esme rubbed his back. Similarly, Bella hugged me tenderly. Her touch was all that was needed to calm me instantly.

"Yup, that's everything," Giving us her signature pout, wow twice in one day, we all gave in and forgave her.

"Wow! That went better than I thought it would," she sang happily. A bunch of dejected "whatever"s and sarcastic "great"s ran through the minds of those around me.

"Okay well, I guess this will be the act of a lifetime. No one is to comment on this further with your sister. I just want this to be over with." Again, he received the affirmative. None of us would dare go against him.

"Now that that is handled, later this week, Thursday to Friday, we have to all go hunting and fill up if we are to act human for two weeks," Carlisle, ever the practical one, made an excellent point.

"Perfect dear. You kids have a couple more days of being free, so to speak, so I suggest you use them well," Esme continued by waving us away to our own activities.

Bella and I got up and made our way to the stairs heading back up to my room… correction, OUR room.

"So you all will be gone for two days?" My angel tried to keep her tone light, but I could sense the dread in her voice. Stopping and facing her, I placed my hands lightly on her shoulders.

"Love, it will only be a few days and then we will be back. I will have my cell on me the whole time so you can call me whenever okay?" I starred into her eyes willing her to see that everything will be fine and that we would all come back to her.

"Yeah… okay… Edward?" Her voice was quiet. I hated it when she was anything but happy; it pained me.

"Yes?"

"Even though it's only two days…I'll miss you," her words were so full of emotion that I was almost overwhelmed. Pulling her to my chest I answered.

"Silly Bella, I miss you when you are gone for two minutes, let alone two days. I love you," I stroked her hair softly as she clung to me.

"You too," was all she said before Alice ran up to us, efficiently ruining the moment. I was done being angry with her since it was just a wasted effort anyway.

"OOOHHH BEEELLLAAA!! SHOPPING TIME!" She squealed, clapping her hands. I didn't even get to say anything before Alice began dragging my fiancé to the car. Huh, I loved the sound of that… fiancé… but I love wife even more!

"Bye love," I called as she was pulled through the door. She glared at me playfully before blowing me a kiss goodbye, which I returned.

"Aww how sweet! Eddie boy blew a little kissy!" I'm going to kill him was the only thought that ran through my mind. Subsequently, I took off after my idiotic brother.

Emmett was dead! After all, I had to relieve my stress on someone…

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**Hehe I hope you guys liked it! The whole bi and cross-dressing thing kind of just happened! I hope it didn't offend anyone, that wasn't the intent. Just trying to make some fun (Not fun **_of_**, just fun)! LOL I hope you did enjoy it and don't forget to REVIW!! Please, please, please! It makes me soooo happy! 8)**

**Luv u guys!**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- This story will definitely get interesting… ;)**


	3. Shopping Hunting Trip

**Thanks so much to all of you who reviewed!! Luv ya!! Please keep it up!! So anyway here is the next chapter! Woo Hoo! It has a bit of Alice/Bella shopping and a tad of Bella's thoughts etc… so hope you enjoy and get a good laugh!! Oh… and I LOVE Alice in this chapter! Lol…**

**Disclaimer: Owner of a cat… a lap top… and other everyday stuff… but definitely not the owner of Twilight. Sighs sadly**

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_Bella's POV_

My best friend dragged me to her yellow Porsche. She was taking me to her torture chamber… I mean the mall again. I didn't even get to say goodbye to Edward properly!

"Oh hush Bella, I know what you're thinking! Whenever you guys 'say goodbye' I practically have to wrench you apart! We only have so much time before the mall closes!" Alice exclaimed as she pulled out of the driveway at a heart-wrenching speed. I held on for dear life while she casually sped down the road like a freaking maniac!

"Oh and when did you gain the ability to read minds? Plus the mall doesn't close for another five hours!" I acknowledged, to which she rolled her eyes, turning in my direction to answer.

"Well hello little miss sassy! And that's my point! We only have five hours! Ugh we will have to rush, but I think we can manage," the scary part was she was dead serious, but at the moment I was completely worried about something else.

"Keep… your… eyes… on… the... ROAD!" I practically screeched at her. She was going over 120 mph and not even looking in front of her!

"Silly Bella I already know what is going to happen… oh hold on," Suddenly she swerved to the right, and then back into the lane. I was too scared to speak. Instead I stared at her as if she had two heads, four arms, and seven legs. Yeah… it was that bad.

"What's wrong with you?" How could she ask that?! "OOOOHH, you didn't like that did you? Well there was a piece of gum on the road," She stated as if that explained everything.

"GUM!" I roared, my heart beating a mile a minute.

"Uhh duh! I don't want my precious baby to touch a piece of filthy gum! Besides, why are you so worked up? I told you to hold on." It was official. Alice was the first vampire in history to have serious mental problems.

"Oh right, sorry. Ha! Why would I be upset about you almost killing me to miss a piece of flippin gum! Yeah I am totally out of line! So sorry Alice, really" Okay I will admit that at the moment, I probably looked like the crazy one. I was breathing hard and wide-eyed. I don't remember ever using sarcasm that strongly in my life.

"Okay Bella, just calm down. Breath in… out… in…" She was insane! I had had enough of this.

"SHUT UP AND DRIVE!" I yelled.

"OOOO good idea Bella! I love that song!" And yes, she started to sing…

I've been looking for a driver who is qualified

So if you think that you're the one, step into my ride.

I'm a fine-tuned supersonic speed machine

Got a sunroof top and a gangster lead

So if you feel it let me know, know, know.

Come on now what you're waiting for, for, for.

My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.

So start me up and watch me go, go, go

Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.

Can you handle the curves, can you run all the lights?

If you can baby boy, than we can go all night.

Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five

Baby you got the keys.

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.

Shut up and drive

I got class like a fifty-seven Cadillac.

Start over drive with a whole lot of boom in the back.

You look like you can handle what's under my hood.

You keeping saying that you will, boy I wish you would.

So when you're ready let me know, know, know.

Come on and what you're waiting for, for, for.

My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.

So start me up and watch me go, go, go

Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.

Can you handle the curves can you run all the lights?

If you can baby boy, than we can go all night.

Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five.

Baby you got the keys.

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.

Shut up and drive

You play that game, got what I got

Get it get it, don't stop, It's a sure shot

Ain't a Ferrari, huh boy, I'm sorry

I ain't need to worry, so step inside

And ride, ride, ride, drive, drive, drive...

So if you feel it let me know, know, know.

Come on and what you're waiting for, for, for.

My engine's ready to explode, explode, explode.

So start me up and watch me go, go, go

Get you where you wanna go, if you know what I mean.

Got a ride that's smoother than a limousine.

Can you handle the curves can you run all the lights?

If you can baby boy, than we can go all night.

Cause it's zero to sixty in three point five.

Baby you got the keys.

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive.

Shut up and drive

I sat there stunned when she finished the song. Luckily, we had just pulled into a parking spot in front of the mall.

"Aww Bella, you're no fun! Why didn't you sing with me?" She whined, bouncing out of the car and waiting impatiently for me. I didn't say anything. I didn't move. Fortunately I was still able to breathe. Unsatisfied with my lack of response, Alice yanked open my door and pulled me out giving me a calculating look.

"Geez girl, you look like you just saw hell freeze over," she stood there in confusion. Could she really be that clueless? Go figure.

"No comment," I voiced with no emotion before walking stiffly into the mall. I knew one thing for sure; I was definitely calling Edward for a ride home. There is no way, even if hell did freeze over twice, that I am getting back in the car with that psycho.

Over the next five decades… I mean hours, Alice put me through even more torture. Every time I argued that I didn't need this many clothes, she told me that it was necessary because we would be on TV and I couldn't be seen in anything I have already worn. That fact, I did not understand at all. Why would you waste money and good clothes just so you don't wear the same thing twice? It was utterly ridiculous and beyond me. About ten minutes before the mall closed, I called Edward for a ride.

"Hello love," he answered with a sigh as if he had been waiting for my call all day.

"Your sister is a crazy psychopath and I would rather be attacked by ten wild, thirsty vampires than get back in a car with her behind the wheel… So can you come pick me up please?" I asked sweetly. He was silent for a while, presumably in shock or confusion.

"Umm… sure? I-I'll be there in a few," his voice confirmed it. He was entirely stunned and bemused!

"Okay see you then! I love you!" I waited for him to tell me he loved me back, and then I hung up.

"Why is Edward picking you up?" Alice asked me coming out of Victoria's Secret. Now that was one store I refused to go into. But of course that would never deter her. She shoved two full bags into my crowded arms. Unable to hear my phone call from all the hustle and bustle within the store, she only saw me leaving with Edward instead of her in a vision.

"Oh no reason really… I just miss him… and the person who drove me here has a severe mental illness when it comes to driving," I stated casually.

"Oh okay! … Hey wait!" I laughed when she actually caught what I was saying. Sending me an evil glare, she stalked off into another store with me trailing behind for some "last minute shopping".

When Edward finally came and got me, I was practically dead on my feet. I was so not going shopping with Alice for a VERY long time. The only reason I didn't say "never again" was because I knew she would get her way eventually. I mean she even got away with turning most the family bi and making Edward wear female clothing! Alice was sooo crazy… but then again, I think that is one of the reasons we all love her so much.

_**(A couple days later)**_

Thursday came way too soon, and I was forced to say goodbye to Edward and the rest of the Cullens for Two whole days! Alice was right about our goodbyes though… she and Emmett kind of had to pull us apart… twice. When they did leave though, I decided to just stay home and catch up on some cleaning.

Charlie's house was pretty small, and we didn't make much of a mess anyway so it only took about two hours until everything was spotless. I blew a couple strands of hair out of my face that had come out of my sloppy bun. Seeing as I had nothing better to do, I decided to email my mother since I hadn't in awhile.

As the ancient computer booted up, I made a quick sandwich to make up for skipping breakfast. Edward wouldn't be happy about that, but I just was too miserable to eat. I hated being away from the love of my life, but sometimes it was necessary. My thoughts turned brighter when I realized that I would never have to be away from him again when he changes me! Until then though, I was stuck at home while he frolicked with the wild animals… okay so more like attacked viciously and drank dry but still.

I ate my food slowly at the kitchen table just staring off into space. I did that quite frequently, loosing myself in my thoughts. When I was away from Edward, I mostly just daydreamed about him. Okay was I obsessed or what?

Fully fed, I made my way back upstairs. My computer was almost fully booted up! Wow, it only took fifteen minutes this time! Yes… that is good for my computer so leave me alone. So what, I liked very old things. My pre-historic truck… my computer… oh and even Edward! I giggled to myself. I was strange, but it made life interesting!

I had one email in my inbox, from my mother as usual.

_Hello Bella!_

_I am just checking in! Haven't heard from you in awhile… Is everything okay? Oh god, don't tell me you got hit by another car or something! Isabella you better reply right now or I am calling your father! You have a half hour!_

_ -Mom_

She was freaking out again. No surprise there. Luckily she had sent that email twenty –five minutes ago, so I had time to reply.

_Hey Mom,_

_I'm fine, just hanging around the house. Don't worry, Edward wouldn't let a car hit me. So umm… the Cullens are going on Trading Spouses next week! Don't ask. Summer is fun… Oh and Alice finally realized that I don't really care what my wedding looks like, as long as I walk away Mrs. Edward Cullen, so she doesn't ask my opinion anymore! Goodbye annoying planning for me! Okay, I know that sounds bad. I do care about my wedding… just not that much… Anyways…_

Hmm…. What else to say? I had three more minutes and couldn't think of anything! Oh well… I have pretty much been rambling the whole time anyway.

_I hope everything with you and Phill __is good. Love you mom._

_ -Bella_

After I hit send, I grabbed my worn copy of Wuthering Heights and went out to the back porch. Curling up in a chair, I decided to read until I had to start dinner for Charlie.

Before I went to bed that night, Edward called and wished me pleasant dreams. He really was the best fiancé a girl could have!

--

The next day, Angela saved me from my boredom, and we drove up to Port Angeles for lunch and a movie. It was fun hanging out with her since I don't get to very often. She, unlike Alice, didn't force me to shop until I literally dropped or drive like she was high.

Now it was eight o'clock on Friday night. Angela had just dropped me off at my house before returning to hers. Edward said he would be back around ten, so I sat down and watched TV with my dad. It wasn't extremely entertaining, but it passed the time.

Tomorrow, the Trading Spouses thing would begin. Esme would be leaving at six in the morning to catch her flight to Connecticut. This Stacy Nutcracker person should arrive around noon, and then the fun would begin. I still can't believe Alice said Edward was a cross-dresser! I knew he would be highly embarrassed when he had to act out that part, but I would probably end up laughing at him anyway. Hey! He laughes when I fall! I was a little… okay a lot… disturbed about the whole bi thing though. It wasn't cause they would look awkward or anything, but that I knew they would be exceptionally convincing. They were Cullens after all; they could do anything, right?

I felt kind of bad for Stacy though. She had no idea what she was about to do, and knowing Emmett, jokes would be played at her expense. They were just doing this for fun, and they would do just that. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up running away screaming, scarred for life from her experience.

As for me, it was known fact that I despised attention. A popular TV show was way too much. I would avoid their house all together, except I can't stand being away from Edward. I was having trouble with two days! Two weeks… impossible. So I decided to just try and stay in the background, never doing anything that would end up with me in the spotlight. Which meant sitting in one spot pretty much 24/7. Alls I needed was to trip right in front of some camera, which was actually quite likely. Edward better stay by my side every second just in case my feet decide to pull one of their signature move and fall over air. My face and the floor know each other way too well.

The agency did not give us that much imformation about the family we would be swapping with. Yes, I do consider myself part of the family, although not officially. They have told me over and over that when they refer to their family, I am always included and that legality doesn't matter. That is also why I couldn't just skip out for the next two weeks. They fully expected me, as a Cullen, to participate. So anyway… all we really know about the other family is their name, how many of them there are, and where they live. That's it! Well I guess we will get to know Mrs. Nutcracker really well over this experience and Esme would get to know the rest of the family. I was a bit leery of their name, but I knew no family could be crazier than mine… or at least I hope not.

This family also has a dog at home, and while I knew Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett would have trouble with that, Esme would be fine. She did not hate dogs, or werewolves for that matter, she just didn't particularly like them either.

Looking at the clock, I noticed it was 9:30. Only a half hour more!

"I'm going to bed dad, goodnight. Oh and thanks for letting me stay at the Cullen's for the next two weeks!" I said giving him a hug before tramping upstairs.

"Sure thing Bells," he called fully into the television. Wednesday, Alice came over and told Charlie about the show and convinced him to let me stay with them. She claimed it would just be easier than having a camera follow me back and forth from Charlie's house to theirs, and seeing that Charlie despised attention just as much as me, he agreed whole-heartedly.

I showered quickly and pulled on some clean pajama bottoms and a holy t-shirt. Knowing Alice would dress me up in fancy pajamas at their house over the next two weeks, I relished being able to wear whatever sleepwear I wanted. I sat on the edge of my bed just starring at my clock. It was 9:53. Seven more minutes. It felt like a millennium before the clock turned to 9:54.

"Ugh!" I groaned frustrated. The next six minutes were going to take forever!!

Then I heard the most beautiful sound coming from across my room. Edward chuckled having heard me.

"Impatient much this evening love?" He questioned with my favorite crooked grin. Too happy that he was home, I ignored his comment and practically threw myself in his cold, familiar arms.

"Edward!" I squealed sounded more like Alice than ever.

"Hello love. Miss me?" He chuckled again making me blush. Okay I don't even know why that made me blush, but like I said… I'm strange.

I attempted to ask him how his trip went, but it came out more like this, "How was your uuuuntttiiinnn iiiip?" Yeah, I am so articulate aren't I. Actually I was interrupted by an unflattering yawn.

"My untin ip, as you so elegantly put it, went fine love. But no more questions, it's bed time for the human," Edward declared carrying me over to my bed. He snuggled up behind me.

"But I'm not tired! Honest!" I protested. My stubborn side kicked in as I forced my eyes to stay open.

"You need your rest love." He started to hum my lullaby softly in my ear. No fair was the last thing I thought before sleep took over… stupid human needs…

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**Sooo how was it?? Funny… boring… funny… stupid… funny… pointless?? Well I was going for funny with the whole shopping thing so hopefully you guys giggled a bit!! If not, well you're no fun… JK just let me know and I will try and seek help in the entertaining department! LOL please review and let me know your lovely thoughts!! Every single one of you!! Reviews are like money… that's how you buy my chaps!! The richer I am… the more supplies I have to write!! So please pay up!! LOL Till next time… **

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- LOL and apparently my editor would like some cash too, so if you throw her a thanks that would be much appreciated!! (Minnoi)**


	4. Switching Wives

**Here is the next chap guys!! Kind of a filler/get to know each other chap so it may not be AS funny, but I hope you still like it!! Oooo and it's a lot longer this time! Don't forget to REVIEW!!**

**Disclaimer: **

**Question of the century: Does anyone that posts fan fictions actually own Twilight? **

**Answer: Uhh NO! Why in the heck would a bestselling author share their gift for free?? Especially when they have family to take care of?? Exactly, they wouldn't.**

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**Edward's POV**

"Okay everyone, I will see you in two weeks. Don't be too horrible to Mrs. Nutcracker," Esme said while simultaneously giving each of us a hug. We were all finally feeling her loss as we stood in front of gate 33 to New Haven, Conneticut. The speakers announced boarding and with one final wave, Esme was gone. Everyone was silent watching her plane back out of the terminal and race down the runway. It was not until her plane was out of sight in the sky that we looked away.

The cameramen and agents etc… people that you need for this show had already arrived at our house this morning. We were originally supposed to stay at home and wait for our new mother, but we insisted on taking Esme to the airport. Looking around I saw the two cameramen that came with us standing on either side of our family. Wherever we went, so did they. This was going to take some getting used to.

"Okay so your new mother will be here in about an hour! Great, I love the set up you guys have at your house! It's very secluded and mysterious! This show will be great, just great! Oh my gosh, you guys can't forget to act yourselves; the people I read about in your application. We need entertainment and the only way we will get that is if you guys don't act camera shy. You all already signed the contract, so as of the next two weeks, I own you. Got it? Good, now Edward, when we get back to your house, put on some real clothing, and the rest of you bi people get ready to get it on." Our agent, Micky, was talking about a mile a minute. In fact, I think it would even be hard to catch all that if you were human. By the look on Bella's face I was right.

Micky was a tall blond haired, blue-eyed Barbie doll. How she landed this job, I am not sure. I guess it was her ability to order people around, which she was quite good at since she never took no for an answer. She was going to be very annoying over the next two weeks.

"Wait, what's wrong with my clothing?" I was dressed perfectly fine. Bella liked it… well she more than liked it; this morning she practically attacked me! I was wearing dark blue jeans, fitting but not super tight, and a button up black shirt. The top three buttons were undone upon Bella's request. I didn't normally wear black, but she liked it on me saying it contrasted nicely with my skin… girls. I just thought it was comfortable.

"Well you are a cross-dresser and unless you are really a girl then you better go put on a skirt or something… wait are you really a girl? Wow that would make the show a lot more interesting! OMG you are aren't you, cause you are really pretty! So Isabella, are you like lesbian or something? Or does it act manly enough for you?" WTF!! I couldn't suppress the growl that erupted from my chest. My caring and supportive family burst out laughing at this crazy lady's insinuation! God, I don't look anything like a girl! Great, this Micky lady was both annoying AND blind!

As if we didn't draw enough attention to ourselves being followed by cameras, my family's roaring laughter got people to literally stop and stare. My reaction to her accusation only increased the amount of curious bystanders.

"What the hell are you talking about!? I am most definitely not a girl, Bella is not anything but straight, and I AM NOT WEARING FEMALE CLOTHING THE ENTIRE TIME!" I was screaming, and she just waited patiently for me to stop. She wasn't even scared or shocked or anything as if she was used to people yelling at her. At least my little outburst shut up the rest of my family. Well except for Emmett, who kept letting out giggles. He acts like more of a girl! Why couldn't he be the cross-dresser? Oh right, bi. God I hate this show already. What was I thinking when I thought it would be fun?

"Yeah he only wears it sometimes, and you can't just force us to like make out or something! Rose and I, along with the rest of us, will just let it happen naturally. Trust me, you will get the show you are hoping for," Alice replied calmly. Thank god, I thought I would burst a blood vessel just now… and that is supposed to be impossible for me.

"Okay, fine. Sheesh Eddie, you don't have to be so dramatic. You take everything way too seriously! It's like you're bipolar or something," Micky rolled her stupid blue eyes, and flung her stupid blond hair like freaking valley girl.

"Don't. Call. Me. Eddie." I replied harshly. Dang I was pissed.

"Is he always like this?" she directed her question to those standing behind me. Yes, the very people who are supposed to have my back and care about me.

"YES!" Geez they didn't all have to yell it at the same time. I was not dramatic and I didn't take everything too seriously! I have no idea where they would get something like that! When had I ever been dramatic and too serious?

Plus, I was definitely not bipolar! What is with all these bi words?

Interesting, bipolar and a cross-dresser. This could be one of my best shows! I still say he looks sort of like a girl. I mean what guy is that beautiful? Okay well Jaejoong is pretty beautiful, but it works for him. **(A/n: Sorry I just had to add Hero Jaejoong in there! Actually I'm not sorry… but whatever!) **

Her thoughts were not helping me calm down in the slightest. I didn't look like a girl! And who is this Jaejoong person?

She walked away and started chatting with other directors and cameramen. My family and I headed toward gate 21 to await the appearance of Stacy Nutcracker. Bella and I sat across from Rosalie, Emmet, and Carlisle in the blue airport chairs. Alice and Jasper sat to the right of Bella. It was pretty early in the morning, and since not many travel to and from this part of Washington, we were alone in this section aside from an elderly couple in the corner. The seats were anything but comfortable, but I was too annoyed to care.

"Dang Edward, you looked like you were about ready to kill her!" Emmett commented in a low voice so that humans couldn't hear. He is so lucky he refrained from calling me by that horrible nickname, or I would have attacked him right there. I only growled in response.

"I won't make you wear the clothes I bought for you until tomorrow. You are lucky because there was this cute little dress I bought that would have been perfect for a first impression!" Alice commented, still in a tone undetectable by humans. Poor Bella had no idea what was going on. Wait, did Alice just say…

"You bought me clothes! Girl clothes!" I hissed back, my left hand clenched into a tight fist while Bella clinged tightly to the other one. I was NOT in a very good mood at the moment.

"Of course silly! How could you be a cross dresser if you didn't have any female clothes to wear? I already loaded them into your closet," She looked at me as if waiting for a thank you. Why would I thank her! She got me into this mess and now wanted me to wear…a … dress! Hell no!

"Alice I am not wearing anything you got me. I'll just wear a pink shirt or something," I didn't have to go all out. Pink is a girly color right? Well Bella wasn't very fond of that color, but then again she was strange… in a good, lovable way. Emmett had been silent this whole time, that couldn't be good. He was only silent when he was planning something, since he was unable to think and talk at the same time.

'_I'll prove Edward is bipolar.' _He thought evilly. What did he mean?

"Hey Edward, you love Bella right?" He asked, loud enough for Bella to hear this time.

"Of course Emmett!" what was he getting at? "I love her with all my heart and soul," the last part I added quietly while staring lovingly into her eyes. She was so beautiful, and amazing, and smart, and caring… the list could go on and on. I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her delicate lips. She made me so happy, that I felt like I wasn't a monster at all. An angel like her wouldn't really love a monster would she?

"Then why are you so prudish that you won't get in her pants?" Emmett had a sly grin on his face as he looked at me skeptically! What the Hell is wrong with him!

"Shut the hell up Emmett! You are such an idiot!" I was suddenly livid! How dare he say such a nasty thing about my Bella! I would only ever make love to her when she was changed, never "get in her pants". That was disgusting! Emmett could be so rude, and perverted, and inarticulate, and crass… the list could go on and on. I wanted to punch him hard in his smug face! He made me feel like the most hostile monster on this earth that could kill without a second thought! And right now I wanted to murder him!

"Ha! Wow Emmett! You so won this bet! I have never felt anyone switch from happy and all lovey-dovey to utterly pissed and deadly in under a second!" Jasper exclaimed, while handing Emmett a wad of cash.

"One word Eddie my man: Bipolar," Emmett said smugly before turning his attention to Rosalie. I didn't even notice the growls ripping from my chest until Bella placed her hand softly over my cold, dead heart.

"Calm down Edward," she whispered looking into my eyes. I smiled and kissed her hand.

"Anything for you love," I replied smoothly, all anger forgotten. Jasper just starred at me before shaking his head in disbelief.

'_Definitely bipolar_,' he thought apparently convinced. I didn't know what they were talking about. I wasn't bipolar.

--

"Okay guys! Mrs. Nutcracker will land in about ten minutes!" Micky approached us with the cameras positioning themselves around the terminal entrance. Emmett started laughing and sprinted off into one of the shops saying he would be right back.

"What is he doing?" She asked confused.

"Something incredibly stupid," Alice responded with a roll of her eyes, "Rose, you better get ready to smack him."

Rose was just about to ask when Micky squealed, "Here she comes!" Everyone turned to face our new mother.

Stacy Nutcracker walked confidently toward us holding a red carry on bag. She had straight light brown hair pulled back tightly into a very neat bun. Not even with my vampire vision could I see one hair out of place. She was about Esme's height and had a medium build. Her clothes were fancy business wear as if she were going to a job interview. Her chin was held up, and her back straight, reminding me of a female drill sergeant.

I saw her face change from emotionless to awe when she spotted my family and I. Ever the gentleman; I stepped forward to greet her.

"Hello Mrs. Nutcracker, I am Edward Cullen," she shook my hand firmly, with a small smile before turning to greet everyone else. Carlisle was next and apparently she was taken with him according to her thoughts.

_'My my my, isn't he the handsome one. Their hands are so cold though.' _

Fortunately, she immediately dismissed the coldness of our skin as either a lack of nutrition or poor circulation. Emmett was last to make acquaintances, and of course Emmett will be Emmett.

"So you're Nutcracker?" What was he doing? His voice almost sounded suggestive! "Well, I have some nuts for you to crack!" He finished with a huge grin winking at her. Everyone was stunned at what he just said, except Rose who looked pissed. Before anyone had the chance to comment, he pulled one hand from behind his back to reveal a fist full of walnuts.

"So could you crack these nuts for me?" He started to laugh, but then WHAP! I have never seen Rosalie hit him that hard. He literally fell to the ground with his hand rubbing the spot she smacked.

"Stupid idiot," she mumbled before turning to apologize to Stacy, "I'm so sorry Mrs. Nutcracker, Emmett is just mentally retarded."

"Am not!" He protested childishly.

"Well you could of fooled me," she scolded, turning to stalk off to the car.

"Sorry Nutty! So do you like nuts a lot or something?" She was not amused by his assumption, and didn't acknowledge his apology. Instead she eyed him up and down mumbling 'trouble maker' and 'military school', but of course we could hear her. She was definitely one tough cookie. If she was already thinking military school because of what Emmett said, I'm pretty sure she would want us all in jail by time this show was over.

The ride home filled with an awkward silence. Everyone visibly sighed with relief when we finally pulled up in front of our large, white mansion. Stepping out of the car quickly, Stacy turned to face us while smoothing her skirt.

"Well then, let us head inside and grow familiar shall we Cullen Family?" Without waiting for a response, she marched into the house. Yes, marched. I could hear Emmett mocking left… left… left, right, left in his head. Jasper merely looked pleased. He was a military fanatic after all.

Once Mrs. Nutcracker was shown her room, and her bags taken up, we all met in the living room.

"So the deal is I have to follow your rules for the next week without question. We should go around in a circle and get to know each other, and then I will go over the rules with which to parent you children," Stacy was sitting straight up on the edge of one of the armchairs. The rest of us lounged around the couch, or on the floor with our mates.

"My name is Mrs. Stacy Lane Nutcracker. I come from New Haven, Connecticut and live with my husband, two twins daughters, and our dog named Jesus…" She had started out, but was interrupted by Emmett's booming laughter. "Young Man, what is so funny?" She was not pleased at being interrupted. It was obvious that she did not like Emmett one bit so far by the frown she wore when looking at him.

"Ha! I know where you got the name for your dog!" He declared still laughing. I tried to decipher what he was thinking, but he was laughing in his mind too. Emmett was a highly simple person.

"I would hope you did! I could never fathom someone not knowing Jesus!" Her hand was covering her heart, and her tone suggested that that was the most horrible thing she could ever think of.

Emmett shook his head still laughing, "No silly! You got it from the joke! Ha I love that one!" I didn't remember ever hearing a joke about Jesus and a dog?

"Joke?" Apparently neither had Mrs. Nutcracker.

"You have never heard it! Okay wow, well it goes something like this," my brother smiled widely while preparing to tell some supposedly amazing joke. "So this burglar goes into a house to steal stuff right? Well he goes when no one is home and starts to take different things. Then he hears 'Jesus is going to get you' coming from next to him. He spins toward the voice to find a parrot in a cage. 'Stupid Bird' he says and goes back to stealing. Then the bird says it again, 'Jesus is going to get you'. The burglar was annoyed at the bird, 'Shut up, Jesus isn't going to get me'. Then the bird whistles and says 'Jesus is here'. The burglar looked at the bird like it was crazy when he hears growling from behind him. He turns around and sees a pissed off German Shepard with a name tag that said 'Jesus'!" Everyone stared at Emmett silently while he burst into another round of laughter.

"Get it! The dogs name was Jesus! Ha and he got the burglar! It's so funny!" Emmett was still laughing. Finally he realized we were just staring at him and he turned confused.

"That wasn't funny," Bella said simply. Everyone giggled at Emmett's saddened face.

_'They just don't know a good joke when they see one,_' his thoughts accused. Actually it was "hear" one because you can't "see" a joke, but I didn't correct him. We had all turned back to Mrs. Nutcracker for her to continue.

"How can you make fun of burglary? That is a sin!" She exclaimed looking flabbergasted. Now it was her turn to be looked at like a maniac. Seeing our response, she folded her arms with a grunt and continued.

"Well, as I was saying… I am a devout Christian, a firm parent, and I don't believe in anything evil or negative," With that, she turned to face Carlisle, signaling for him to go. Well that was interesting that she didn't believe in anything evil considering she was sitting in a room full of vampires.

"My name is Carlisle Cullen, I work as a doctor at the local hospital, and all my children are adopted," short, quick, and to the point. Emmett was after him… great.

"Hello, my name is Emmett Cullen and I am an alcoholic!" Then his booming laughter filled the room again. Jasper spread the humor around the room this time, getting everyone to let out a giggle or two. Mrs. Nutcracker forced the laughter back with coughs.

"I just had to say that! Okay so really I don't have a job… I am with my sexy Rosalie, I have a kick ass jeep… oh and I occasionally get it on with Jasper here since I'm bisexual." Jasper immediately got a sour look on his face, but with one look at Alice, he forced himself to look uncaring and simply nodded in agreement.

"These jokes are not funny Mr. Emmett," Stacy said in a scolding tone, her arms still crossed.

"Oh I wasn't joking about the bi thing. It's really fun, you should try it." Somehow he was able to get this all out with a straight face. Mrs. Nutcracker was startled into silence once again, but her mind was screaming.

'_WHAT! He is dating his sister and fools around with his brother! That is so sick and evil! EVIL! Ahh! TOO… MUCH… SIN!_' She started to hyperventilate at this news. Rose ignored our guest's state and gave her bio uncaringly.

"My name is Rosalie Cullen. I am in love with Emmett and Alice. I have a sweet red convertible, and I love working on cars."

"Y-you are in love with your sister?"

An evil smile played across Rose's face as she looked up at our mother-for-two-weeks, "Yes Stacy, I am really turned on by sexy little pixies. Hmm I'm getting pretty hot right now just thinking about her."

I can't believe she was pulling that out already! It was only the first day! Stacy looked as if her eyes were going to pop out of her head, her breathing only quickening in speed. Alice, going with it, stood up and sat on Rose's lap.

"I love you too Rosie baby!" She squealed, kissing her sister on the cheek. This was so wrong! I already had to deal with my family's physical relationships in front of my face, although it isn't as bad now that I have Bella, but to have my sisters… I couldn't even finish my thought as I shuddered.

"I'm Jasper Cullen and I have romantic relationships with both Alice and… gulp and Emmett," He looked as if he had to force himself to say it, "I am fond of reading and military subjects."

"I'm Alice Cullen and I love SHOPPING! Oh and giving makeovers, and clothes, and make up, and my yellow Porsche… Oh right and I love Jazzy and Rosie. I also like pretending I am psychic and can see the future, although I'm not very good," she even added a pout after claiming her future seeing abilities inept. I chuckled quietly at her confession. Not very good at it my butt. My beautiful Bella was up next.

"Umm… I-I'm Bella Swan and I'm engaged to Edward. I love this family like crazy… but I'm not in love with them… just Edward. Uhh… and I tend to be very clumsy," having enough of the spotlight, she turned into my chest waiting for me to go.

"Hello, I am Edward Cullen. I am madly in love with my fiancé, Bella, I own a shiny silver Volvo, I want to follow my father's footsteps in becoming a doctor, I enjoy highly masculine things because I am a manly man," my family was looking at me with an eyebrow raised. Okay so maybe I was trying to even it out for when I said I was a cross-dresser. "And, I uhh... well…" I couldn't say it, I won't!

Alice saw that I wouldn't do it and she wasn't having any of that, "Geez, Edward is a manly man that wears female clothing. Yes, he is a cross-dresser." Damn it, this sucks.

"Only sometimes," I added stubbornly. There is no way I was wearing girl clothes for two weeks! Maybe if I just wear something feminine once that would be good enough?

"Wait, so the four of you," she pointed at Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice, "are bisexual with your siblings, and Edward occasionally wears female clothing?" We all nodded as she stared blankly at our family.

"Why?" Stacy was looking at me incredulously unsure why a 'manly man' like me would do something like that. One glare from Alice, and I knew I couldn't get out of it this time. I had to pull this off and sound believable.

With a big sigh I mumbled a response quickly, "Becauseitkindofsometimesmakesmefeelpretty."

"What was that?" She asked confused. Not even my family had understood me completely, or they didn't think I would really say what they were thinking. With another deep breath, I repeated myself slowly.

"I am a cross-dresser because it makes me feel pretty," Oh god, I cannot believe I just said that. I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, a habit I had acquired over the years whenever I was stressed or angry. I was unable to tune out the teasing thoughts of my family.

_'Don't worry Edward, I think you're pretty,'_ Emmett of course.

'_Aww I can make you feel pretty! Just let me give you a makeover!'_ Alice shrieked excitedly. She couldn't be serious right? I HAD to say that, it wasn't true and she knew that!

'_Wow son_,' even Carlisle was chuckling at my response!

'_Dude that is just sad_,' … Jasper

_'I bet Bella thinks you're pretty_,'… Rosalie

Then I also heard the thoughts of Micky, '_Dang this just keeps getting better and better!'_

"SHUT UP!" I yelled angrily. I couldn't handle this and my control over my power was shattered, allowing everyone's thoughts within a five-mile radius to attack my mind.

"No one is saying anything Edward?" Stacy looked at me confused. I probably looked crazy at the moment, but I didn't care.

"Just give her the damn rules so I can get the hell out of here," I hissed, my voice practically dripping with rage. Carlisle scolded my behavior with his thoughts while handing over the rules. Jasper continued to send me waves of calm, which I let affect me knowing I needed to calm down.

Stacy read over the rules quietly before looking taken aback.

_**CULLEN RULE**_

_**1) All of my children are young adults, and are consequently independent. They do whatever they please, although it would be nice if the boys refrained from wrestling in the house.**_

"That's it? You do whatever you like?"

"Yep, pretty much!" Alice chimed with a smile.

_''__Well, that is definitely going to change when I get to make my own rules. All of you are_!' She thought menacingly. Uhh oh, that didn't sound so good to me. Now I was slightly dreading next week when she would take over… it couldn't be too bad could it?

* * *

Esme's POV

_**NUTCRACKER RULES**_

_**1)Three healthy, home cooked meals a day**_

_**2)Two hours of bible study**_

_**3)NO sweets of any kind, ever. Sweets are evil.**_

_**4)An hour of chores every morning and before bed at eight o'clock. Each child possesses a list to be completed.**_

_**5)Allowed Pastimes:**_

_** Reading the bible or educational novels**_

_** Praying**_

_** Watching up to an hour of educational TV or one G rated movie. Too much TV is evil.**_

_** Swimming when supervised by a parent.**_

_** No splashing, diving, messing around, or playing. Water is not a toy, it is exercise.**_

_** Only laps around the pool.**_

_** Phone Calls: Up to half an hour.**_

_** Church on Sundays and Wednesday nights**_

_** Biblical games**_

_**6)NO Cursing, Disobeying, Yelling, or negativity. Sins send you to hell.**_

_**7)If a rule is broken, that child is to write an essay of apology, what they did wrong, and how they would make sure it never happened again. Two items of fun are also banned for the day, and they must beg God for forgiveness.**_

_**8)NO discussion or mention of anything evil or ungodly. **_

_**9)Five hours of schoolwork daily (Home schooled), with the exception of Sunday in which the lord MUST be praised.**_

_**10)NO Internet access unless for educational purposes and in the presence of an adult. The Internet is evil! **_

_**11)An hour of piano practice:**_

_** They must complete an entire lesson flawlessly**_

_** If not completed within the hour perfectly, they will repeat it until it is.**_

_**12)My children are to be perfect!**_

I stared shocked at what I was reading. These poor girls have no life outside of their faith, which looked to be forced on them, and school. I would have to make many changes once this week was up and I could enforce some slightly different concepts. I was all for respectful children, but they were still just that! Children! They still needed to play and have a social life. I looked sadly at the two black haired thirteen-year-old twins in front of me. When I asked what they liked to do, they just said church and school. I doubt if they ever leave the confines of their home for anything other than church! Poor dears.

"It was a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Cullen," Jena Nutcracker spoke politely once I had finished getting to know the family, which didn't take long because they weren't very exciting.

"Yes, a pleasure Mrs. Cullen," the other twin, Lisa, added. These two girls were the pictures of perfection, sitting with their legs crossed femininely and their hands folded neatly in their laps.

"Oh dears, please call me Esme," I replied kindly hoping for them to let their guards down just a bit.

"It is quite alright, our mother has taught us to never call an elder by their first name," Jena said simply while studying her hands. Neither one of them looked happy with their lives at all.

"Yes, it is of the utmost disrespect," Lisa added again. Poor dears, I thought again unable to help it. I was forced to allow them to call me Mrs. Cullen for now, but when the next week came, that would be the first thing to go. That title just made me feel so… old. In fact, technically I wasn't even ten years older than these girls since I was changed at twenty-two.

I missed my family, especially my dear husband, very much already. Despite my longing for them though, I knew I was needed here. Suddenly this didn't seem as much of a punishment anymore. I could help these girls be the teenagers they were meant to be, and I loved the idea of being able to help others.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! I am still not happy with this chap but I didn't want to make you guys wait too long, especially cause I will be gone next week. I will try and get another chap out before I leave though. I love to hear your opinions and such so PLEASE REVIEW!! Whether it is compliments (Yay!) or constructive criticism (double Yay!)! I know it may sound weird, but I love it when people tell me when I mess up because they are being honest, and it can help me better my writing! I wouldn't want a bunch of "that was so great"s if my chap was stupid. It's like telling someone the dress they chose for prom was gorgeous when they really think it looked like a curtain out of their grandma's house! LOL funny mental picture… Anyway REVIEW but be real!! Thanks so much!!**

**-Edwardluvr22 ;)  
**


	5. Purple Line Pt 1

**Thanks soooo much for all the reviews last chap! You're awesome!**

**Just to clear something up, I have nothing against Christians, and I don't think they are really crazy and strict like Mrs. Nutcracker. I am a Christian… I just thought it would be funny so sorry if that offended you or whatever cause she is insane. But seriously guys, her name is Mrs. Nutcracker, she is going to be nutty! LOL SO anyway here is the next chapter. I am going to SDSU for tennis camp next week (Woo Hoo!) so I will update another chapter tomorrow. Don't hate, appreciate!! LOL Idk I just wanted to say that… anyway on with the story! ;)**

**Disclaimer: DON'T. OWN.**

* * *

_Bella's POV_

I woke up the next morning to the smell of pancakes and bacon. It smelled delicious, my stomach growled in response.

"Mmm," I mumbled with a slight smile on my face as I rolled over. I expected to come in contact with a certain cold, hard body but instead I found myself alone. Confused, I sat up and searched the room as a yawn escaped. He must be downstairs, I thought as I made my way to the bathroom for a human moment.

Once I de-monstered myself, I made my way down the stairs carefully. Edward always said I looked beautiful when I wake up, but that is so far from the truth. My hair is always sticking up in every direction and I have morning breath! Gross.

I entered the kitchen to find the love of my life laboring over the stove flipping pancakes like a professional chef. When he saw me, he dropped the spatula and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Good Morning love," he said kissing me chastely on the lips.

"Morning. Smells good," I sighed into his chest content to just stay there for the rest of the day. He chuckled lightly hearing the double meaning in my voice before answering. **(A/N: Hmm I seriously wonder what Edward would smell like??) **

"Glad you think so. I have pancakes, egg, bacon, sausage, toast… " I cut him off.

"Wow, are you secretly trying to make me fat Edward? That's a lot of food," I eyed the piles of freshly made breakfast warily. He had to be crazy if he thought I could ever be that hungry. There was enough to feed twenty people!

"You couldn't possibly be fat gorgeous, plus we have to keep up appearances, and our guest has to eat too. You're not the only human in this house anymore silly," kissing me lightly on the forehead, he returned to flipping pancakes.

"Oh right, but you're not really going to eat it are you?" I asked puzzled.

"I don't know about Eddie boy but I am!" Emmett appeared in the doorway rubbing his stomach as if he were some regular hungry man. This confused me even more.

"Bet," was the only thing Edward had to say before I understood. Of course it was another bet.

I sat next to Alice at the table with a plate of the yummy looking food. Her plate went untouched as she became familiar with the latest fashions in her magazines. I had gotten up around six-thirty, and once the clock hit seven, cameramen entered the house like a raid and started following everyone around. Micky gave everyone the thumbs up before shouting action. Huh… this sucks. I hated attention and now I have a stupid camera in my face. Oh crap… I was still wearing my pajamas!

"In Edward's bathroom," Alice said nonchalantly, not looking up from her magazine. I thanked her quickly before racing upstairs and changing into the outfit she left out for me. I was wearing a simple pair of low-rise jeans and a cream colored tank with a light brown jacket to go with it. She even left matching earrings and a necklace to go with it. I loved Alice, even if she did go crazy when shopping.

I hit the bottom of the stairs just before a loud screech came from the kitchen. Alarmed, I ran into the room. I almost tripped, but caught myself on the doorframe.

"What do you mean you don't go to church!" Stacy shrieked staring wide-eyed at a scared looking Edward. She was fully dressed in fancy church clothes. She even had on a pair of white, lacy gloves with her hair up in that tight bun like it had been the day before. I spent most of my time with vampires, and yet this woman still frightened me.

"I… uhh… we just are not all that religious," he stuttered. I would have laughed at him if I weren't partially frightened myself. Mrs. Nutcracker looked as if she would explode any second. Upon hearing all the noise, Rose and Carlisle ran into the kitchen to see what was going on. Jasper and Emmett froze with forks midair. I couldn't believe they were actually eating human food! Well more like engulfing human food. They would pay for it later.

"What do you do on Sundays then!?" Stacy questioned still irate.

"Well right now I feel like playing video games! How about it Jasper?" Emmett allotted with his ever-present grin. Both of them ran to the living room and began playing Halo 2.

"Y-you play video games on Sundays?" She was highly upset, crossing her arms and glaring at Edward like it was his fault.

"Umm, we do a lot of things. We just don't worship God," reclaiming his composure, Edward spoke smoothly.

"You are going to hell," She replied harshly.

"I know," Edward answered indifferently, "Would you like some breakfast?" He completely disregarded her insult as if she had just commented on the weather.

With a defeated look, she took a seat and had a light breakfast, mumbling some stupid complaint about it not being low fat. Once she finished, Carlisle allowed her to borrow his car and she took off apparently in search of a church.

"Edward, you are not going to hell," I said in a soothing voice, helping him to clean up the kitchen. He seemed so certain of his fate that it broke my heart.

"Huh… you don't know that Bella. I'm a mon-"

"I swear if you finish that sentence, you will be sorry!" My warning voice and crossed arms got him to crack a smile.

"You're so cute when you're mad," he chuckled dismissing the previous conversation. I sighed and just let it go. With time, I just knew I could convince him.

"AHAHA! I got you Jazzy! How about them apples!" Emmett exclaimed from the other room, proud over his apparent victory.

"What does that even mean?" Jasper looked annoyed.

"I don't know, but it sounds funny!" I giggled at their silliness, sitting on the couch with Edward to watch them play. They went at it for a while, and even gave me a shot at it. Surprisingly, I wasn't too bad and I was able to beat Emmett. That didn't make him too happy since I had never played the game before. Jasper mumbled something about never giving me a gun in real life through his laughter.

Mrs. Nutcracker had returned about two hours ago, immediately retreating to her room to read her Bible. I had a felling she was just trying to hide from everyone. I didn't know what her problem was, but so far she seemed to hate all of us, Emmett especially.

"So guys, what do you want to do today?" Alice asked entering the living room. Rose was not far behind her, having been working on the cars in the garage.

"What about that new club in Port Angeles? I think it's called The Purple Line," Rose offered. **(A/N: snicker shout out to all my DBSK fans!! You know who you are!) **

"Perfect! I love reasons to get all dressed up!" Alice danced around the room happily. Carlisle had left for work in Edward's Volvo shortly after Mrs. Nutcracker and he wouldn't be home until late. He was the only doctor that would work Sundays, and so he tended to stay a little longer.

"Sounds good," Emmett said quickly before becoming completely immersed in the game again.

"Okay so we will meet you boys down here at six!" Alice sang before pulling me out of Edward's arms and dragging me toward the stairs.

"What are you doing?" I asked while trying to wiggle out of her grip back to Edward.

"Bella! It is already noon! We have barely any time to get ready!" She quickly gave up dragging me, instead picking me up about to race up the stairs.

"Umm Alice!" Edward gave her a meaningful look. She giggled before pretending to drop me.

"Dang Bella, you are too heavy to carry, hurry up and get your butt in my room!" She said reverting to pushing me up the stairs. I was confused for a second before I remembered the cameramen surrounding us. They were so quiet, I actually forgot about them! Good thing Edward stopped Alice, because it would be very hard to explain Alice racing up the stairs too fast to see with me in her arms effortlessly.

Once we reached her room, she pushed me to her bed giving Rosalie a meaningful look before she ran from the room.

"What is she doing?"

"There is another girl in the house Bella, even if she does dress horribly," Rosalie replied while shuffling through Alice's closet for outfits.

"I do not dress horribly." Standing in our doorway was none other then Mrs. Nutty, I mean Mrs. Nutcracker herself. "What is the emergency Alice?"

"We are going clubbing tonight and I thought you might want to come!" Alice's answer was muffled as she too disappeared into her closet.

"You girls are most definitely not going to some club! You are not old enough!" She stood there angry at the suggestion.

"Actually we are eighteen, and Rose is nineteen so we are just fine. Hmm, Rose should we make Bella wear this or this?" Emerging from the closet, Alice held up two highly revealing outfits for our sister to inspect.

Our guest glared at Alice for dismissing her opinion so easily, "I won't allow you to go." Her words were fierce with determination. I cannot believe she just said no to Alice! Oh… this was bad.

"I don't believe it is your place to forbid us from having fun," Alice's words were equally vicious.

"I am your motherly figure for these next two weeks! It is my place!"

"You aren't my real mother!" Alice was getting angry… uhh oh!

"Esme isn't your real mother either! You are adopted," Stacy hissed. I can't believe she would say that! People only say rude things like that in movies right! **(A/N: Oh no she didn't!! LOL)**

"How dare you say that about my mother!" Alice screamed before launching herself at Stacy. Rosalie jumped up just in time to hold a growling Alice back. Edward, Emmett, and Jasper burst in the room at the same moment. Jasper ran to Alice's side trying to calm her down while Edward took over.

"Stacy, if you don't wish to accompany us to the club tonight, then you are welcome to stay here, but we will be attending," Edward remained calm, and his voice was unusually even.

"Humph," was her only reply as she made her way back to her room. We were all silent as she exited. Edward kissed me lightly on the forehead before he too exited the room, followed by Emmett and Jasper.

I officially added Stacy Nutcracker to my hated women list, along with Lauren Mallory and Victoria. How dare she say something like that to Alice! It didn't help that Alice couldn't even remember her birth mother, so Esme was really her only mother.

"Are you okay," I asked her soothingly as she glared daggers at the door.

With a heavy sigh, she looked at me and forced a smile, "Yeah, sorry about that, but what she said was way out of line. Esme is the best mother anyone could have, and I won't stand for her to try and degrade like that."

"She is just lucky I was too busy holding you back Alice, or else I would have given her a freaking low fat knuckle sandwich!" Rose seethed.

"Why did you even bother?" Alice could see the future and should have seen that it wouldn't end well so why would she ask if the first place.

"I was just trying to be nice," She mumbled back in reply. That was Alice, wanting to include everyone.

"Enough of this unhappiness, so Rose which one?" Alice went right back to doing what she loved, making me miserable.

"Definitely the blue dress, Edward loves that color on her!"

"I agree, okay Bella get in the shower quickly and don't forget to shave your legs. Hurry up, we have so much to do!" Alice sweetly ordered me into her bathroom.

"Yes ma'am," I mocked a salute before scurrying off to do as she asked.

My shower was quick, or at least I thought so, but when I came out Alice threw up her hands as if I took hours. Geez, I'm not a vampire so it's not like I can just do it in five seconds. They already had their hair and makeup done to perfection. I was dressed in a pink frilly robe Alice bought for me. I protested the purchase at first claiming it impractical, but I had to admit it was really soft.

"Sit," Alice ordered while she started to work on my makeup. Rosalie blow dried my hair and started to push and pull in into some sort of acceptable style. I just sat there and listened to the music playing softly from Alice's radio. In the middle of my makeover, a beautiful song came on that I had never heard before. When I asked Alice whom it was by, she said she didn't know. We remained quiet and just listened to the song thoughtfully.

First time when I kissed your lips, you were lovable

It was a bright snowing day that our love began.

Girl they just don't understand, not even a clue

So girl I won't stop

I'm the one who will be right there

Lets stay together, you are my girlfriend

It feels like heaven.

I love you. I do love you so much I do baby.

Just walk with me until the end of times yeah

So let me be of your mind! Just let me please you!

_rap_

I'm just trying to say how much I love you

I've been teasing you so long

That was my bad expressions to you

For just now, sitting here, get relaxed.

The day you gave me a blue tumbler like a puppy lover

Yeah with this coffee sweet, imagine our future marriage

And getting associated.

So girl listen to my heart, it won't change.

Baby, my love is bigger than the gingerbread man's vitality. _(**A/N: My fav line!! So cute!!**)_

_end rap_

Baby Good morning

Everyday I woke you with a lovely call

I didn't know how to cook

but I can make a song

Girl they just don't understand, not even a clue

So girl I won't stop

I'm the one who will be right there

Lets stay together,

You are my girlfriend

It feels like heaven.

I love you so. I do love you so much I do baby.

Just walk with me until the end of times yeah

So let me be of your mind! Just let me please you!

Everything is going to be fine.

God gave me the answer of my life.

Look at me girl,

You're lovely I can tell so

One day it will come true

Baby never gonna make you cry

Let's stay together Girlfriend

Hold on together, everythings all right

Just walk with me, Till the end of times baby

Leave your past behind

You're always my girlfriend

Yeah I do love you so much I do baby

Just walk with me, follow me

So let me be of your mind, just let me please you

I love you, Baby

"Ladies and Gentlemen, that was 'My Girlfriend' by DBSK's Micky Yoochun. Heartwarming indeed…" the radio announced the name of the song before rattling on about some nonsense. Hmm… I would have to get that song on my ipod, I thought as my sisters put the last finishing touches on my hair and makeup.

"Perfect," Alice said happy with the results, "Now for the dress." She threw a small piece of midnight blue fabric at me, pointing to the bathroom.

"Alice!" I couldn't help but whine, "This can barely be considered a dress! I can't wear it in public!" I knew my complaints were futile since she would get her way anyway.

"Just put the freaking dress on Bella," I did as she said, entering the bathroom begrudgingly. It took me awhile to figure out how exactly I was supposed to get the contraption on, but when I did, it of course fit like a glove. It was slightly low cut, but in a way that didn't scream slut, ending right before my knee with a small slit on the right side. It hugged my upper body flowing freely from my waist down. I had to admit that I looked okay in it… fine I looked hott.

Studying my appearance thoroughly, I saw that Alice had done my makeup in all natural colors so it wasn't too intense. My hair was pulled up into a fancy bun with a few pieces left out and curled around my face. These sisters of mine truly were professionals when it came to makeovers. I would never have believed that I could look this good before them.

"Hurry up Bella! It doesn't take that long to put on a dress!" Alice hollered form the other side of the door. Giggling at her impatience, I unlocked and opened the barrier that separated us. Both of my sisters gasped when I came out.

"Damn…" was Rosalie's intelligently elegant complement.

"Wow. It looks even better than in my vision!" Alice breathed, her face glowing with approval. Luckily, Alice handed me a pair of silver flats to wear with my outfit. They were really cute and I wouldn't die!

"You guys look amazing too," and they truly did. Rose was wearing a red dress that hugged every inch of her body with a matching pair of red, strappy heels. It was even shorter than mine and I was sure if she bent down, the world would get an interesting view. How she would dance in that let alone get by Emmett without him attacking her, I have no idea. Alice was wearing a bright green number that proofed out at the waist with simple light green heels. It made her look even more pixie like. She was the most beautiful tinker bell I had ever seen! I chuckled lightly at that thought.

"Okay you guys ready to stun our men!" Alice skipped to the door, turning to us and waiting for the all clear.

"Let's do this!" Rosalie winked at me before strutting toward the door.

* * *

**So… was it okay? It was not as funny this time, more drama I guess, but the rest of this day in the Cullen house along with a bit of Esme POV will be up tomorrow! This chap was mainly just set up and I wanted to give you something today since you were so great with the reviews. So guys please REVIEW for me even though it wasn't too exciting. See… you review and I write more/faster!! The next chap will be better I promise!! Also I am majorly inspired right now cause DBSK just came out with a new song (Why did I fall in love with you) and it is sooooo pretty!! I listened to that same song the whole time I wrote this chap! LOL okay well… REVIEW AWAY!!**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- And how did you like the little DBSK intro for all you non-listeners?? LOL**


	6. Purple Line Pt 2

**Thanks so much to all you who reviewed!! Once again you are amazing!! ;)**

**Okay guys!! Here is the more fun half of day 2!! Hope you enjoy and REVIEW LOTS!! I want to come back to a full email box okay guys!! That would be sweet… okay here ya go!**

**Disclaimer: DON"T. OWN.**

* * *

_**Bella's POV (again)**_

All three of us made our way downstairs, one following the other. I noticed it was 6:01, Alice's version of fashionably late. Oh yes, because one whole minute would make your entrance so grand.

I watched as Jasper and Emmett froze when they saw their wives. I turned bright red when I noticed some of the cameramen had also frozen with their mouths hanging open like dogs after a steak.

"Hey boys, ready to go?" Alice asked grinning at Jasper and batting her eyelashes in a flirtatious was. They were so cute. I didn't even want to let my eyes witness whatever Rose and Emmet were doing at the moment.

I felt a familiar pair of strong arms wrap around my waist, "I don't know, maybe I don't want to go after all." He whispered in my ear, trailing fiery kisses up and down my neck. I was too out of it to respond, his touch always rendered me speechless. He turned me around to face him, allowing his eyes to roam my body and mine his. He looked extremely good in his tight black jeans, and blue button up shirt. We matched! Upon habit, I undid the first three buttons of his shirt torturously revealing part of his perfect chest.

"Eww! PDA!" Emmett screamed at us while making a bunch of gagging noises.

"Oh shut up Emmett, what were you doing with Rose just now then huh?" I remarked, glaring at him. Unfortunately I couldn't hide my embarrassment with anger, because my stupid blush gave me away.

"Yeah, but we are marr-… I mean it isn't gross when we do it! At least she wasn't trying to take my shirt off in front of cameras!" he corrected himself quickly. Wow, for Emmett that was pretty fast thinking. Telling all of Trading Spouse's viewers that he and Rose were married was not a smart move.

Glaring at him, I snarled, "I was not trying to take his shirt off!" Edward only stood there with a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"Anyway, let's go guys," Alice cut off our bickering and turned to head for the door.

"Wait!" Everyone looked toward the stairs to see Stacy standing at the top looking pissed. "There is no way I am letting you out of the house dressed like that!"

Alice's face switched to rage. She was still not over what Stacy said earlier and it would be prudent to not get on her bad side right now. "Yes, we are. I am not arguing with you again Stacy," Alice dismissed her quickly, prior to strutting toward her yellow Porsche with Jasper in tow.

"Fine, then I'm coming with," Stacy marched down the stairs waiting to follow the rest of us out.

"You can ride with us I guess," Edward had to be a gentleman didn't he! HUH, we had to go with her and some cameraman. Wow, I can't wait for this show to be over!

--

I had expected the ride there to be awkward, but my darling Edward didn't let it. He played the soft tunes of Clair de lune while simultaneously telling me how beautiful I looked. This drive to Port Angeles took almost an hour because Edward was forced to go the speed limit. Even though he was fidgeting the whole time itching to go faster, I enjoyed not being afraid of dying in a car crash for once.

When we pulled up in front of the club I was shocked to see that it was already packed and the line to enter wrapped all the way around the building! A bright glowing purple sign that said "Purple Line" hung above the entrance.

"Edward we are never going to make it inside! Look at that line!" It seriously would take at least an hour to get through.

He chuckled giving my hand a squeeze, "Silly Bella, we don't have to wait in line." He left it at that; parking the car smoothly and racing to open my door before I could even unbuckle my seatbelt. Mrs. Nutcracker, along with the cameraman exited the car and followed us to the entrance where everyone else was waiting. Stacy was glowering at everything in sight growling something about this only being a tramp and whorehouse. She was so pessimistic, I bet life would be a lot more interesting if she just let go and let happen for once.

When we approached the entrance, just as Edward had claimed, the bouncer let us in without comment. He did hesitate at Mrs. Nutcracker but decided he would rather not mess with her when she growled at him. She was still wearing her church clothes and found herself completely conspicuous among all the partygoers around her.

The crowd parted easily for us as we made our way to a reserved section behind the dance floor. It took a bit longer for the camera guy to catch up because everyone started jumping around in front of him trying to be on TV, which was perfectly fine with me since I was no longer seen. Soft red couches awaited us that looked quite appealing. Edward sat down, pulling me on his lap with Emmett and Jasper imitating his gesture.

"This is amazing," I signed taking in my surroundings now that I wasn't focused on getting through the crowd. The club floor was huge; a black floor with purple lines crossing it horizontally marked the dancing section. To the right of the dance floor was a long marble top bar. It looked spectacular and was easily revealed as brand new. They even had purple spinning chairs! I loved those! The DJ was situated on the other side of the club facing the door. It was to the left of the DJ that the stairs to the reserved section were placed so we could literally feel the music pumping through our bodies.

"So are you love," Edward replied kissing me sweetly on the nose.

"Come on guys! Quit with the lovey-dovey act, I don't want to hurl!" Emmett was making puke faces while holding his stomach. If he did puke, it would be because of that dumb bet he made with Jasper this morning over breakfast.

Rolling her eyes, Rose stood up heading toward the dance floor, "Get up you big baby and lets dance." Obediently, Emmett trailed after his wife with Alice and Jasper right behind him.

"Bella, will you dance with me?" Edward whispered in my ear. There was no way I could dance like that; instead I would only embarrass myself.

"I can't dance Edward, you know that."

"It's all in the leading," He smirked at me before pulling both of us up and toward his siblings. I decided to just trust him, after all, Prom didn't turn out too horrible.

We made it to the middle of the dance floor before he spun me around so that my back was to him. He guided my hips with his hands to the music, and after awhile I started to get the hang of it and didn't need his help so much. I was actually having a great time, and forgot completely about Stacy still sitting down and glaring at anyone that passed her. If she wanted to sulk and not have any fun, then so be it.

I saw Alice to the right of me, and she winked as Jasper spun her around. To my left I saw Rose and Emmett dancing, and lets just say they put the dirty in dirty dancing.

"Huh this is so been there done that," Emmett suddenly yelled with his hands on his hips. He may be very big and intimidating in size, but he didn't act all that manly.

"What is your problem?" Rose wasn't too pleased he had just stopped dancing with her in the middle of a song.

"I want to be original! Oooo Rosie baby do the chicken dance with me!" Emmett got an excited look on his face before he broke down with the chicken dance. We all started cracking up while Rose just fumed.

"What the hell you idiot!"

"Aww Rose you know you think my chicken dance is sexy!" We all knew she was trying to look all tough, but you could tell she was trying to hide her smile. I don't know what compelled me to do it, but I thought it would be fun to join Em. Yes, I jumped over to him and started to do a version of the chicken dance to the song that was playing.

"WOO HOO! Go Bella!" Emmett yelled as we chickened it out. My boldness didn't go unnoticed and soon there was a circle of people around us. Feeling just a tad, okay a lot, embarrassed, I pulled Edward into the circle and forced him to do the chicken with us. Surprisingly enough he just rolled his eyes and went with it! I about died of laughter watching him!

"Okay now Elvis!" Emmett bellowed, placing one hand on his hip and using the other to point back and forth from the ground to the ceiling. I continued to laugh going along with his ridiculous dancing. I guess we finally got to Alice, Jasper, and Rose because they all joined us and we all looked like a bunch of idiots together.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have some old fashion moves going on at the center of the dance floor!" The DJ remarked into the mike as we switched to the scuba diving move. His words were all the encouragement the crowd needed before everyone was doing the ridiculous moves along with us!

Emmett was front and center with everyone copying his dancing and having the time of our lives. Even when he started swinging his hips like an idiot, everyone followed. It was great; I had never expected to be dancing like this at a club yet Emmett was able to make the most bizarre dance moves look cool.

We all left the club that night laughing like crazy. That was so much fun and I wasn't even embarrassed… oh no… the camera guy!

"Oh my gosh Edward was that camera person filming all of that?" I asked my eyes wide with fear. It was one thing to do it with everyone one night, but to have evidence, that will air on TV! That was a whole other story. I could feel the blush creeping down my face at the thought.

"Probably, but don't worry about it love. You're chicken dance was way sexy," he teased only making my blush to deepen. Oh well, there isn't much I could do now. Mrs. Nutcracker was already waiting by the car.

"How did you like it Mrs. Nutcracker," I ventured to ask maybe hoping to get on her good side if I was nice.

"That was the most sinful thing I have ever witnessed. God is ashamed of all of you," she huffed slamming the car door behind her. Okay… never mind, getting on her good list is impossible.

Edward chuckled at her attitude, opening and closing my car door. The drive back home was very quick, which is probably because I fell asleep. I woke up feeling light as air, finding myself in Edward's arms. Yawning I wiggled out of his arms so that I was standing next to him.

"Bed time," he said smiling while steering me toward the stairs.

"Not tired," I claimed forcing back another yawn. Noticing my hesitance, Jasper hit me with a strong wave of excitement making me hyper as hell.

"Oh My Gosh! I so so so don't want to go to bed silly Eddie! Oooo let's play!" I bounced around senselessly reminding myself of Alice.

"How about a movie?"

"Oooo!! Good idea Allie!! Movie time Yay!!" I screamed still bouncing while everyone just stared.

"Uhh Jasper I think you hit her with a little too much," Edward commented with wide eyes.

"Uhh huh," he replied, except Jasper was chuckling at my behavior.

"Ahh! I have an idea! Lets watch Pirates of the Caribbean! Johnny Debb is so hott hot in that movie!" I squealed. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that in front of Edward but I was too hyper to care.

"Oh my! That movie is PG 13! How can you watch such graphic movies?" Stacy proclaimed in utter horror at the thought.

"We are all well over thirteen," Jasper stated chuckling at how far over that age his family was.

"I agree with Bella a hundred percent! Definitely a Johnny Debb movie!" Rosalie added heading toward the movie case.

"He is so cute especially the way he walks in that movie! I love it!" Alice added enthusiastically.

"Umm hello! Us guys are still in the room and we don't like hearing you talking about other men!" Jasper complained with a sour look. Emmett and Edward nodded their heads in agreement.

"Sorry boys, but we are still watching Pirates. Everyone get into your pj's and meet back down here in ten," Alice ordered racing up the stairs. "Oh and Edward I laid out your pajamas on your bed!" She called down from upstairs.

"Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!" I sang skipping up the stairs. I tripped twice of course but Edward caught me. Bouncing into his room, I grabbed some cute Pj's from the closet that were black with flames licking up the sides with a red tank. They were so comfy and they made me look like a bad ass.

Turning around I found Edward staring at his bed with a look of horror. I looked to see what had him so upset to find a really cute pair of Pj's on his bed. I would totally wear them, except they weren't meant for me. I giggled when I realized Alice was making Edward start acting out his part. The pajamas encompassed hot pink bottoms covered in white hearts and a form fitting white shirt that said "I'm sexy" also in hot pink. I giggled at the thought of Edward wearing it.

"So… I guess it's time you were a cross-dresser Eddie!" I was still a little high from Jasper's influence. Edward grimaced at the nickname but said nothing as he just stared at his fate.

"I can't wear that Alice!" He whined, but obviously he had no choice. I could tell Alice was screaming at him in his head by his facial expression.

"Come on Edward, you will look sexy I promise! Even the shirt says sexy," I giggled before running out of the room. I heard him growl in frustration causing me to giggle even more. Not paying attention to my surroundings, I ran straight into Emmett. He caught me before I could fall to the ground.

"Hey watch it squirt!" He feigned annoyance, but I knew he was only joking,

"Sorry Em, I was running away from Edward because I didn't want him to kill me," I pouted at my big brother, ruining it with my giggles.

"Don't worry little sis, I'll protect you!" He stepped in front of me facing Edward's room, "Hey Edward, why don't you pick on someone your… oh my god." Silence. We both froze before bursting into laughter. Both of us had fallen over in our hysterics so that I was on the ground half draped over Emmett's shaking body.

"It. Is. Not. Funny." Edward growled attempting to end our laughter, but it only made us crack up harder. Right when Emmett was going to protect me, Edward had exited his room in all his pink, heart pajama glory. The bottoms were too short for him, and the top hugged him tightly, revealing a section of his mid drift. I know I should have been the supporting fiancée, but I was having trouble even breathing through my laughter.

"What in the world is so fun-… Wow," Rosalie had come to investigate, only to find the same hilarious scene that had rendered us speechless in our mirth.

"Shut up!" Edward roared, before storming downstairs and planting himself on the couch with a scowl.

"Eeeeek! Edward you look so cute!" Alice squealed from downstairs. Unable to miss this, I picked myself up and followed Emmett and Rose downstairs. Jasper was standing in the corner of the room rubbing his temples trying to control the strong anger and hilarity flowing through the room at the same time. Mrs. Nutcracker's eyes couldn't possibly get any bigger as she stood by the kitchen staring at my Edward. Carlisle had just walked into the living room and was trying to suppress his laughter through fake coughs.

"Alice, it is way too small!" Edward growled trying to cover his revealed stomach by crossing his arms awkwardly.

"No it isn't silly! Us girls like showing a little belly, and we sometimes wear our pants short like that!" Alice replied with a roll of her eyes like this was basic information.

"Edward, I have one question for you," Emmett gasped in between chuckles.

"What," my poor Edward was still pissed and his response came out as a hiss.

"I just wanted to know if those pajamas made you feel pretty," Emmett stated shrugging his shoulders as if he were seriously curious. That was all it took to make the rest of us loose whatever control we had gained. I was too busy laughing on the floor with everyone else to think about the fact that Edward was watching his whole family laugh at him on TV. It seriously took us like five minutes before any of us could even breathe correctly. And they didn't even have to breath! Somehow unknown to me, Mrs. Nutcracker just sat in a chair and glared at us. How she could resist laughing was beyond me. Once we calmed down again, I turned to face Edward immediately changing from amused to worried. His eyes were black as night, and his fists couldn't possibly get any tighter.

"Are you done Emmett," Edward growled glaring menacingly at his brother.

"Aw come on Eddie, it was a joke!" Apparently Emmett was unaware of just how peeved Edward really was. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.

"I'll take that as a yes," Edward finished before tackling his brother to the ground. They rolled around the room knocking over anything that came in their way. Fortunately they were keeping their fight at a human level, not forgetting the cameras surrounding them.

"BOYS! STOP IT THIS INSTANT!" As if the off switch was hit, both Emmett and Edward detangled themselves and turned to face Mrs. Nutcracker. She was standing with her hands on her hips glaring at the guys… and wait… does she have a unibrow? AHH! Scary!!

"Sorry Mrs. Nutcracker," they both got off the floor and began to correct all the overturned furniture. I think Stacy was just a little too happy about yelling at the boys and having them listen to her. She was grinning evilly, smug about being able to tell them what to do. I was so grateful that she was not my mother, and suddenly I felt really bad for her two daughters.

"Okay movie time guys!" Alice cheered turning on the movie. Edward settled back on the couch and I hesitantly sat next to him.

"Sorry," I whispered not wanting him to be mad at me for laughing.

"It's okay love," he whispered back placing a soft kiss on my forehead to show that all was forgiven. Wow, beating up Emmett really did relieve his stress. Satisfied that he was no longer angry, I crawled into his lap feeling completely content when his arms wrapped around me. I turned my attention to the TV and only saw Johnny Debb and his wonderful acting skills for about a minute before sleep took over. That whole hyperactive Alice moment I had definitely wore me out.

* * *

Esme's POV

This was so sad. I hated having to enforce all these ridiculous rules, especially watching these poor twin girls mopping around in their usual routine without an ounce of life in them. I couldn't wait until I could stop all this craziness.

Alice will probably get jealous, but I definitely had to take these girls shopping next week too. I was sure their mother had picked out all of their hideous clothes. Even I had better style than thy did! Times have changes, and girls no longer walk around in poofy flowery dresses. Did these girls even own pants? Hmm... and they need makeovers too. I wish Rosalie and Alice could help, but I am sure I could improve their look on my own.

Next week, when I could finally parent them however I wanted, couldn't come fast enough.

I returned my attention back to Lisa sitting next to me in front of the piano. This was my far my favorite time of the day, being able to help them learn.

"Oh my, I hit the wrong key. Sorry I will start the lesson over again," she said quietly failing in her attempt to mask her reluctance. The lesson today was particularly difficult and she had already started over once. That was enough.

"Umm... I didn't hear anything wrong," I claimed nonchalantly while smiling at her.

"But I hit C instead of..." she began, but I interrupted her.

"Actually I think the music sheet says C right there, see!" I took a pen and switched the tune. It sounded better this way anyway. When she looked up at me with curious eyes, I just winked and nodded for her to continue.

"T-thank you," her voice was a bit louder this time, but she still stuttered unsure how to respond. I giggled lightly at her as she finished her lesson with I think the first true smile I have ever seen on her face. Okay so I may break a few rules every once in awhile... but who's keeping count?

* * *

**Hopefully you guys enjoyed this chapter, because I sure did writing it!! LOL!! So leave me lots of love guys!! REVIEWS make my world go round!! Well those, and Jaejoong of course!! LOL **

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- I know, poor Edward, but you have to admit it was hilarious!! ;)**


	7. Marshmallow Mummy

**Hey peps! Oh my gosh I have to give you all a double thank you for all the reviews!! I got twice as many as usual! To tell you I appreciate it is an understatement. They always make my day so please keep it up! Also… BREAKING DAWN!! Yes I finished it and I want to know what you guys think. I don't want to say something and give it away, but if you guys want to talk about it please PM me. Personally I wasn't too please at the beginning but I grew to like it. What about you?? Anyway here is the next chap, don't forget to REVIEW again!! Thanks! Sorry for the delay :0**

**Disclaimer: Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and recently Breaking Dawn all belong to the lovely and talented Stephenie Meyer.**

* * *

_Edward's POV_

Yesterday had been so horrible I couldn't even bear to think of it. Okay so that was a huge lie. Bella had looked absolutely stunning in her dress, and dancing with her was pure bliss. It was the later part of the day that I wished I could just erase from my flawless memory. Did Alice really have to torture me like that? And then of course everyone was laughing, even Bella! Well I didn't mind her laughing so much since I live to make her happy, but it didn't do too well for my ego.

Bella twisted in my arms so that she was snuggled even closer to my cold body, if possible. I gazed lovingly at her unconscious face as it pressed against my chest. She was so amazing. Even in her sleep she seemed capable of taking my breath away. She was, is, and will always be my whole life and I couldn't wait to seal it completely with the words "I do".

The whole acting human and sleeping at night thing did not affect me in any way since I always watched my angel sleep anyway. For the rest of my family, that was slightly a different story. Carlisle would text Esme quietly throughout the night since she of course would be up too. I found it very sweet, and refrained from reading his mind so that their conversation remained private. Alice and Rose coped just fine also, with their fashion magazines that they pored over. Jasper was just content holding Alice in his arms as I was with Bella.

So it was easy being absolutely quiet at night right? Wrong. Did I happen to mention Emmett? Do I even need to explain? He wasn't exactly able to remain quiet for so long, and was hit repeatedly by Rose whenever he decided to do something too active.

At the moment his thoughts consisted of, _'Bored, boring, boredom, bored, boring, boredom… huh and Rose won't even let me touch her cause she says I'm too loud! Psh yeah right… bored, boring, boredom'_. That was his usual chant interrupted occasionally by an errant thought. Seriously how hard was it to just shut your mouth and do something quiet? Obviously impossible for Emmett. I was about to turn my attention back to my mumbling fiancée when Emmett got an idea. That is always a bad thing.

'_Yo Eddie want to have some fun? I have an awesome idea!_' His thoughts were amused at his apparently awesome idea.

"No. You can get up at six which is in two hours so just keep quiet you moron," I hissed under my breath knowing he, along with the rest of the family, could hear me.

'_Aww come on! I promise it's quiet and you will love it!_' He added trying to persuade me.

"No" I hissed back with a sigh before tuning him out completely.

"But I don't want to eat the balloons… yes Edward is sexy," my love mumbled in her sleep. I chuckled quietly at her silliness, her body shaking slightly with mine. Hmm… she thought I was sexy! Well I already knew that but it was still pleasant to hear. I was slightly conscious of the fact that Emmett was moving about the house, but he would be silent to human ears so I ignored it.

"Edward can you make me some French toast in your pink pajamas?" She mumbled again with a slight smile on her face. I rolled my eyes at her suggested attire, but at least I knew what to make her for breakfast in the morning. In the back of my mind, I registered the fact that Emmett had passed my room and was headed toward the guest bedrooms but I didn't dwell on it long enough to wonder why.

It wasn't until I heard the sound of a whip cream can being used and toilet paper ripping that I turned my full attention onto my idiotic brother. What the hell was he doing?

'_Ha! Nutty looks good with a whip cream face! Hmm… now for the ketchup… where to put it? Oh yes… perfect!'_ His excited thoughts froze me in place. He wouldn't!

"Emmett!" I hissed loudly in a pitch undetected by humans so as not to disturb both Bella and our tortured guest.

Carefully detangling myself from Bella's sleeping form, I grabbed a shirt and raced toward the scene of the crime. Upon hearing my tone, the rest of my family raced after me with questioning thoughts. Except for Rosalie who was coming up with different ways to punish her husband even though she had no idea what was going on yet.

I burst through the open door to the room in which Mrs. Nutcracker was staying. I was furious that Emmett would try and pull something like this! It was so childish to mess with sleeping people, and also impossible for us since we don't sleep which is probably why Emmett came up with this idea. I had planned to drag Emmett out forcefully and allow Rosalie to beat him to a pulp, but the scene I encountered only allowed for one thing.

I fell to the floor gasping for air; my eyes squeezed shut and my hand clamped tightly to my mouth. Never have I thought it possible for someone to die of laughter, let alone a vampire, but I was not sure if I was going to make it. I probably looked like I was have a heart attack as I choked back the laughter that was sure to wake up Emmett's unaware victim. Only a couple seconds ahead of the rest of my family, they came bursting in after me.

"Edward what is wrong with… Oh My God," Rosalie soon joined me in my uncontrollable choking attack trying to suppress the laughing, except she braced herself against the door frame. Alice and Jasper found themselves in the same condition while Carlisle just stared, mouth hanging open as if his jaw was broken.

What is so funny about a little whip cream you ask? Certainly nothing this hilarious correct? Right, well I doubt you have ever been attacked by Emmett with a can of whip cream, but damn could he do some damage.

Mrs. Nutcracker was lying on her back, arms at her sides. Her whole face was covered in whip cream, excluding her nose and eyes, at least Emmett remembered she still had to see and breathe. Lips were draw over the pile of cream with the ketchup, along with rosy red cheeks. The rest of her body was also cream covered, only with toilet paper sticking to it. She looked like a gigantic marshmallow mummy! Then on top of everything else, Emmett had spelled out Nutty across her stomach with walnuts sticking to more whipped cream. He even spread the cream and ketchup into her hair so that it was sticking up into one large spike on top of her head.

Emmett stood by her bed smiling proudly at us with two empty cans of whipped cream in each hand. Why did we have so much of that stuff in our house in the first place?

"Presenting my master piece, the Marshmallow Mummy!" he grinned proudly enjoying our uncontrollable reaction. Carlisle still looked shocked, but had managed to close his mouth.

"W-why Emmett?" He whispered with wide eyes. I don't think I have ever seen Carlisle this disheveled.

"Well Edward would kill me if I ever thought about doing this to Bella," I growled at the thought, "See! Plus Alice never got her revenge for what Nutty said about Esme, so I decided that this mommy needed to be whipped!" At the mention of this woman's remark about his mate, Carlisle turned from shocked and almost angry to understanding and appreciative. Everyone was waiting for his reaction as I picked myself off of the floor.

"Oh well as long as there was a reason…" with that he left smirking back to his office to go fill in his wife about the events that had just transpired.

"Way to go Emmett!" Jasper exclaimed softly, congratulating him with a high five. Their voices were in check yes, but their high five was a bit loud. Mrs. Nutcracker groaned in her sleep causing us all to book out of her room snickering the whole way.

Seeing that it was now a little after five, I decided to start my attempt at French toast for my love. I had watched the food channel enough to know how, but as always I was skeptical of my cooking skills since I was unable to taste test the food. Stopping to kiss Bella softly on the head, I headed toward the kitchen hoping that I would be successful.

--

Filled with self-satisfaction at my feat, I stacked the last piece of French toast onto the already overflowing plate. Next to it I had a plate of bacon and sausage. I divided the food onto eight plates on the counter top. Bella had yet to awaken, as well as Stacy, but it was only six O'clock.

Everyone grabbed their plates and headed up to their rooms to 'eat it'. Actually they were dumping it down the toilet. That is how we have been getting out of actually eating human food thus far. Whenever it was suitable to eat as a human, we would all disperse to our rooms or elsewhere and dispose of the food, while making it look as if we had enjoyed another meal.

I grabbed two plates on my way back up to my room. According to Alice, Bella would wake up in a couple seconds. Of course she was right, Bella was stretching when I entered my room.

"Mmm, smells like French toast! How did you know?" She asked tilting her head to the side in wonder.

"You told me to make you some in my pink pajamas. Sorry I didn't dress for the occasion," I mocked lightly, setting the food in front of her.

"Oh," yawning, she picked up her fork and dug in. I was relieved to see that her face lit up in pleasure when she tasted the food.

Once she finished both her meal, and part of mine, I gave her some privacy to change for the day. I sat in the living room waiting for her, but instead was met my Emmett.

"Edward! Alice said we have five minutes!" He exclaimed while settling himself on the couch so that he had a perfect view of the stairs.

"Until?"

"The mummy comes to life," his eyes had that evil glint to them to match his evil smirk. I chuckled when I revisited my memory of last night. This should be good. Within a couple minutes everyone was sitting in the living room with the TV running quietly as a human excuse, but we were really waiting.

"Edward why are we all waiting for her to get up?" Bella sat next to me in confusion. We had only told her to watch the stairs and it would be worth it, but she was never really one to enjoy surprises.

"Just wait love," was all I got out before a blood curtailing screamed ripped through the air. Upon hearing the scream, all the cameramen who had been preparing to start at seven ran into the house not wanting to miss anything. Oh this definitely would be good.

Racing down the stairs, Stacy Nutcracker stopped to face the crowd waiting for her. I imagine that her face would have been extremely furious, but you couldn't tell because of all the whipped cream. It had slightly hardened so that none fell off when she ran down the stairs. I looked down at Bella to see her reaction. At first she was just as Carlisle had been, but then she burst into a fit of giggles. Even the cameramen and Micky were laughing!

"OH! YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY! AGH!" She was shaking with anger, which only made it more funny because she had a big red ketchup smile plastered on her cream face, "YOU WON'T THINK IT IS FUNNY WHEN YOU GO TO HELL FOR THIS SIN!"

"Now, who DID THIS!" She growled, stomping her foot. Emmett chose now to put his plan into action.

"Oh no! Mrs. Nutcracker! Not you too!" He wailed feigning horror.

"What are you going on about young man!"

"Huh… well I must have forgotten to tell you about… HIM!" He was quite good at weaving lies.

"Him who?"

"Well there is this insane man running around Forks that breaks into peoples houses and whips people that he thinks have been bad."

"What do you mean whips people?"

"Well look at yourself! You have been whipped so bad you look like a gigantic marshmallow mummy! Now you better figure out what you did wrong or he is going to kill you." His voice and face were serious, but did he actually expect her to believe that load of crap? He had laid it on too thick, she would never fall for…

"Kill me!" She squealed with a look of horror on her face. Okay so maybe _**she**_ would fall for it.

"Yes, they say he works for the devil. So I suggest you leave on his punishment or he will definitely kill you."

"You are telling me to go around like this!"

"Well if you don't want to die that is. He feels you are disrespecting him if you wash away his punishment."

"How long?"

"Twenty-four hours."

Upon hearing her sentence, her eyes shot daggers at Emmett as if it were his fault that this crazy person had whipped her. Oh wait; never mind it was his fault! With a big huff, she turned and marched back upstairs.

"He doesn't like it when you hide his punishment either!" Emmett called to her as she disappeared upstairs.

"UGH!" Was her only reply.

"Umm… Emmett what was that about?" Bella looked at him, occasionally letting a giggle or two slip out.

"Well I was bored last night because I 'couldn't sleep' and I started thinking about how Mrs. Nutcracker was a deep sleeper… well then somehow I came up with whip cream, ketchup, and toilet paper… and that happened," he gestured toward the stairs where Stacy had just retreated, "Don't worry though, she deserved it."

"Okay? And you had to scare her to death with the crazy whipping guy?"

"It was funnier that way, oh and thanks Jasper for making her so believing," Emmett nodded toward his brother. Yeah, there was no way she would have bought that if it weren't for Jasper.

"So… what are we doing today Alice," I asked nonchalantly after a few minutes of silence. I didn't really want to go out somewhere today.

"I was thinking we could just stay home and… I believe it's time for another bet," She smiled as both Emmett and Jasper perked up at her words.

"And what exactly does this bet entail?" Emmett's excitement was visible in his face as her rubbed his hands together.

"Well I just think that me and Rosalie are much more affectionate than you and Jasper are. You guys are not very good bisexuals." Just for emphasis, she grabbed Rose's hand. Both of the guys stared at her for a second before their competitive sides took over.

"I-I am not so sure about that Alice. Name the specifics," Emmett's face had turned serious as he waited for the rules of their bet.

"It's simple, today Bella and Edward will judge which couple is the most affectionate! Losers have to give Mrs. Nutcracker a mani pedi."

"What the hell is a mani pedi?"

"Naïve little Emmy," Rose cut in shaking her head, "A mani pedi is a manicure and a pedicure." Jasper looked nervous once the bet was explained.

"Umm Emmett I don't think…" but he was cut off.

"Deal! Bring it ladies!" Emmett exclaimed reaching for Jasper's hand.

"Dude!" Jasper yanked his hand back glaring at his… 'partner'.

"Aww come on Jazzy you know you love my big strong man hands!" Emmett looked like he was enjoying giving Jasper a hard time, who on the other hand looked as if he would puke.

"Hmm, won't even hold his hand Jazzy? That isn't very affectionate," Alice mocked while kissing Rose's hand, still intertwined with hers.

"Ugh fine! Give me your damn man hand," Jasper growled gripping Emmett's hand. I chuckled along with my giggling Bella. This would definitely be an interesting day.

Nutty's POV

What was I thinking agreeing to come on this show! John convinced me I would be making the world a better place by helping another family see things my way. He of course would be missing me so much right now. My husband loves my rules and strict nature. Some may say he was a little too egger at the possibility of me leaving for two weeks, but I knew he just wants to spread my perfect ways. His intent was well placed considering how corrupt this family is, but this is too much evil! Discipline and God were the only things the world needed, and the Cullens were the exact example of not receiving these.

This was a horrible idea! First, I am on the evil TV! I wouldn't allow myself to be on it if I didn't feel I could bring some good to someone else's life! Second, I am placed in a disrespectful house of God haters who will all find themselves in hell! This house is so full of evil I am scared that I will find the devil lounging in their living room!

On top of that, there is some crazy man that wants to kill me! I don't need any sort of punishment, because I never do anything wrong. I am perfect, just as I expect my children to be. Oh and I do very much believe that Emmett boy had something to do with this. He probably opened the door and showed the crazy whipping man where I slept!

Ugh this household is in utter chaos! I will have to pull out all my strongest strategies next week to make any improvements. The Cullen family WILL change their evil ways and I am going to make sure that happens. Never fear, the almighty Nutcracker is here!

Esme's POV

Yet again I was highly grateful that Edward had found Bella as his mate, a human. If I hadn't I would have no idea how to cook for this family. It was still challenging, but I managed. Once diner was on the table, I sat down with the family to eat, which was the part I despised the most about this show. Acting human was definitely thrilling, but having to swallow their food was almost impossible. I always took as little as possible without seeming rude.

"This food is delicious," Jena smiled warmly at me after her first bite. I have noticed that, even though I still enforce their mother's rules, they give me true smiles as if they are happy, content. It pleases me that just by acting motherly that they have changed for the better.

This Stacy Nutcracker must be a horrible person, and from what Carlisle has told me, she is. I couldn't help but enjoy Emmett's silliness when I heard the whip cream prank he pulled on her. I would normally disapprove, but this Stacy seriously needs to lighten up. Having fun is not evil, it is healthy.

"Thank you so much Jena," I returned her warm smile as dinner commenced in peace and quiet. Although I enjoyed having the silence, I also missed the noise my family provided. It always seemed that they could have been a little more on the quiet side, but now I appreciate it because they were having fun and being happy, truly happy.

Once dinner was had, I began to clean up humming quietly to myself. The girls joined me in the cleaning, and after awhile they began to hum with me. It was a pleasant moment to share with them. I was happy to find their guard dropping, feeling as if they could be themselves around me. They really were sweet, and unique, only suppressed by their mother's unnecessary dictatorship.

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**Okay there you go! Hope you enjoyed it!! I wasn't too thrilled with it, but then again I rarely am. Anyway the sooner you review, the sooner I will put up the next half of day three!! REVIEWSCHAPS and CHAPS HAPPY READERS!! Luv you guys!! :)**

**-Edwardluvr22**


	8. Unbelievable

**Okay here is the next chapter people!! Thanks so much for the reviews!! They are a tremendous inspiration!! Okay so just to warn you, his chap gets a little… okay a lot weird. Holy molly it gets intense, well for me it was… anyway I hope you still enjoy and that I am not responsible for too many heart attacks. I can see the headline now "FANFICTION WRITTER EDWARDLUVR22 KILLS MILLIONS WITH A SIMPLE TAP ON HER KEYBOARD". LOL anyway here we go…. Happy reading!**

**Disclaimer: I am definitely not Stephenie Meyer because she would never do this to her characters… and I hope she doesn't murder me when she finds out what I did… uhh oh**

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_Edward's POV_

It had been about an hour since the bet was placed and since then the house had been pretty boring. Alice and Rosalie made it look like it was completely normal to be holding hands, but those who truly knew them could tell this was very awkward. Emmett and Jasper were not as great at acting the part, their eyes wandering on everything in the room besides each other. I would have laughed if I had not been so bored. The TV was going but none of us were really paying attention to it.

"Okay none of you will win the bet if you just sit on the couch holding hands all day." I was tired of the discomfort in the room, and I was sure this bet could get interesting if they let it.

"Yeah, so far as a judge, you each get a zero. It would be more likely for penguins to fly or Elvis to come back from the dead instead of finding a winner with you four staring at the walls," Bella added rolling her eyes. I was surprised that she was actually playing along with it, but when I gave her a questioning look she simply smiled and shrugged she shoulders.

"Oh Bella! That's a brilliant idea!" Alice squealed in sudden excitement.

"Thanks Alice! Wait the penguins or Elvis?"

"No silly, points! You should give each group points for something affectionate that stands out to you!"

"Okay," I agreed, "But you guys have to actually do something. And I am not sitting on this couch all day. Bella would you like to go for a walk?" Pulling both of us off the love seat, I led her out the back door towards the forest. There was a pretty even path that wandered around our property and at the moment it seemed to be the best idea.

"Ahh, fresh air. Great idea love," Bella sighed closing her eyes and taking a deep breath while I led her forward.

"Love?"

"What you don't like your nickname used on you?" She raised her eyebrows with an amused smirk on her face. I chuckled shaking my head at her silliness as we continued on.

We had been walking for a little while in a comfortable silence until we turned around a bend catching sight of something that made us both stop dead in our tracks. Sitting against a tree was Rosalie and Alice casually draped over each other gazing at the sky. Rose was softly petting Alice's hair and they both wore matching smiles. Apparently "startled" by our approach, they both turned to face us with innocent expressions.

"Oh hi guys! I didn't know you would be out here! Just spending alone time with my sweet Rosie!" Alice's act was all too sweet and guiltless.

"Okay okay! Team RA gets a point." Bella walked around my sisters shaking her head.

Walking away I heard Rosalie softly hiss, "Yes!"

Finally we made it back to the house just as Bella's stomach growled.

"Hungry?"

"A little," she admitted blushing brilliantly. She was so beautiful.

"Don't worry little Bella, me and wookie poo made lunch!" Emmett stood in the doorway making sickening gaga faces at Jasper.

"Oh yes we did Snuggle bear." If their faces didn't make me puke, it would definitely be their voices and pet names. Disgusting!

"God I will give you two points if you never call each other that again!" I begged holding my stomach as if I really would throw up.

"Deal!" Then they both skipped off to the kitchen holding hands to serve lunch. Yes that's right, they skipped.

"And that makes three for team EJ," Bella had a disbelieving look on her face at their performance. To our agent, Micky, it was surprisingly enough very convincing. On the show it would look as if my family was simply taking an easy day and showing their twisted love for each other unaware of the ongoing game at acting.

A simple plate of grilled cheese sandwiches and a glass of milk were waiting on the kitchen table. I was a bit impressed that they were able to cook human food so easily, that is until I noticed the trash can full of burnt remains to what I could only guess used to be bread and cheese. At least they got it correct eventually, right?

"Thanks guys!" My love happily plopped herself in a chair to enjoy the food. The others took their food to their rooms as usual, except for Emmett and Jasper. If I was stunned by their acting before, then I was utterly astounded by their current performance.

Jasper would take small pieces of his sandwich and feed it to Emmett! Then Emmett would hold the glass of milk for Jasper to "quench his thirst". They continued like that until they both finished feeding each other their meals. They even managed to appear as if they were enjoying the grotesque dirt humans call food!

"Okay wow, you so get two points for that little display!" I wasn't the only one taken aback by my brothers' actions. Bella had barely been able to eat her lunch in between staring at the two.

"Sweet! So how much do the girls have?" Emmett's smug face showed that he was pretty confident about being ahead so far.

Bella mocked a game show announcer just as team RA walked in, "It's five to one, EJ in the lead."

"WHAT! How can they be winning?" I swear I could see the steam coming from Rosalie's ears.

"Oh Rosie baby don't be jealous that me and Jasper are more sexy than you and Alice!" Emmett smiled teasingly at his wife, who at the moment looked quite vampire like. As in she was scaring the hell out of me and I wasn't even the one she was angry at!

"More sexy! Ugh you wouldn't know sexy if it hit you in the face!"

"Actually you think I am very sexy Rose. Remember the other night when…"

"You want sexy! I'll give you damn sexy!" Either she was too angry to think about what she was doing, or she really wanted to win the bet. Upon hearing all the yelling, the marshmallow mummy, I mean Mrs. Nutcracker, started downstairs with an annoyed look until she saw them.

Rosalie has been known to do some pretty drastic things, but this is an all time high. Her thoughts revealed the fact that all she had been thinking about was showing Emmett up, not about what she was actually doing. After screaming at Emmet, she grabbed Alice by the shoulders and pretty much just won the bet. She kissed her. Well more like made out with her, that is until she realized what she was doing. Pulling away quickly, Rosalie's eyes hit the floor in embarrassment.

"Jasper Geez! Do you want us to lose this bet! Why did you do that idiot!" Emmett whined with an annoyed look on his face. Jasper was standing shocked acting innocent very credibly.

"I-I swear I didn't do anything," he breathed still gawking open-mouthed at Rosalie.

"Wait Rose that was all you!" My eyes were wide, but upon reading Jasper's thoughts I knew that he had done nothing to provoke the situation. Rosalie mumbled a quick humiliated apology while examining the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.

"Don't worry Rose, I saw it coming," Alice shrugged her shoulders indifferently.

"You did! And you didn't stop me!"

"Well no because of what I saw next! Bella?"

After a few minutes or regaining her composure Bella breathed out a quick reply, "Okay Team RA so gets at least ten points for that!" Jasper and Emmett's faces were pure shock with a tint of jealousy as if they were statues carved in such a way.

"How is that for sexy," Rosalie growled at her still gaping husband.

"Rosalie Hale I think that is hands down the most sexy thing I have ever witnessed," he still maintained his stricken face staring at his wife.

"Really?" Did she have to ask him that when she obviously knew the answer? As if to add to the effect, she twirled a piece of her blonde hair in her long pale fingers while biting her lip. Emmett was too lost for words, only nodding in reply. His response pleased her immensely, allowing her to forget all her preexisting fury. Thank god.

"Okay so I think we know our winners… unless…" I have no idea why I was suggesting this. Maybe the whole judge thing took over and made me want all options out in the open so that the game was fair.

"Unless what?" Emmett inquired not pleased with the idea of loosing. He may have found Rosalie's move endearing, but that didn't make his will to win any less.

"Huh, well if you and Jasper were to gain ten more points then you would be the clear winners." Someone stop me please!

"Are you suggesting I make out with Jasper!" Nice going Eddie boy, now everyone is staring at you like you're insane. Well I did just suggest something utterly disgusting, and I was talking to myself! Maybe I am insane? Edward Cullen, the first mentally ill vampire known to the mystical world. Oh yes that sounded peachy.

"Uhh forget I said anything. I was just trying to make things fair!"

"Or maybe he just likes watching the same gender make out," Jasper added with a smirk on his face. He was so dead!

"Really?" Emmett actually believed him!

"What no! God why does everything get turned on me!" They were the insane people! Maybe they were the ones making me insane since you are whom you hang out with. Oh geez now it's the Cullen Family of mentally psychotics!

"Don't lie Eddie! Holly macaroni is that what you have been doing in your room for the past century before you had a girl!? Eddie boy watches homo por-"

"SHUT THE HELL UP EMMETT!" I yelled furious! First Alice makes me a cross dresser, then they call me bipolar, and NOW THEY THINK I WATCH… ugh I can't even think it!

"Ooo a little too defensive are we Eddie boy."

"Emmett I swear if you do not shut up right now!" My voice was a low grow, seemingly deadly. Suddenly I wondered if there was a big sign over my head saying "Make Edward's life Hell". That would certainly explain a lot.

"Okay everyone calm down! Obviously our winners are Rosalie and Alice because Emmett and Jasper are too chicken to kiss," Bella reasoned quickly attempting to quiet everyone down. She just forgot one minor thing… you never call Emmett a chicken if you aren't prepared for him to do the deed, whatever that might be. In this case it was him and Jasper locking lips.

"What. Did. You. Just. Say?" His face was abruptly serious and daring. Oh for the love of all that is holy. This is definitely going to scare me for eternity.

"Well you obviously aren't going to kiss him so let's just end it and…"

"Excuse me Bella, but when did I ever say I wouldn't follow through with it?" I couldn't watch this! Where is the nearest exit? Ugh cameramen blocked it! Well maybe if I pushed them…

"I… uhh…" Satisfied with her lack of words Emmett spun around, almost too quickly for a human, and grabbed Jasper.

"I swear Emmett if you touch me with those fowl flabs of flesh you call lips I will personally make you life worse than hell!" Jasper's struggles and threats would not detour a determined Emmett. I can't believe this is happening! I. NEED. TO. ESCAPE! I felt the heartbeats around me speed up as Emmett's face neared Jaspers with what could only be described as fierce resolve in his eyes. The room was all of a sudden eerily quiet as all spectators waited in suspense. It was if there wasn't even a single thought in the room. I saw Jasper's eyes widen in horror turning black as night when he realized his struggles were getting him nowhere. His body froze in anticipation of the act that would securely guarantee their victory in this outlandish bet. The question is, was it worth it?

Emmett's lips were less than a centimeter away from Jasper's. The final moments of agony would rapidly come to a close when they touched. If only the last seconds didn't seem as if ten centuries in waiting. Almost there… just a bit further… and… I can't believe that just happened!

Mrs. Nutcracker's high-pitched scream filled the air for the second time today causing Emmett and Jasper to jump about ten feet away form each other. **(A/N: MUAHAHAHAHA! And you thought I would make them kiss you little naaasty!)** Still covered from head to toe in whip cream, the nutty herself stood halfway down the stairs shaking in anger. I faintly remember her coming down at the beginning of our exchange but it seemed as if everyone had forgotten she was there.

"EVIL!! YOU ARE ALL DEVIL WORSHIPERS!! I CAN'T BEAR IT ANY LONGER!! AHHH WHERE IS MY HOLY WATER!!" The Nutty lady stormed back upstairs leaving everyone in silence attempting to figure out what just happened. Not a minute later she came storming back down the stairs straight at a bewildered Emmett and started spraying him with a squirt bottle filled with water. What was she doing?

"BEGONE EVIL SPIRITS!! LEAVE THIS PLACE!! HOLY WATER IS UPON YOU!!" She screamed in a deranged mentally ill sort of way. Everyone continued to stare at her with heads cocked to the side in confusion! After almost completely drenching Emmett in water, she froze and gazed intently at him with large eyes.

"I-is it gone?" She whispered in a small voice drastically opposing her previous tone. After a few seconds Emmett leaned toward her.

"Boo!" He bellowed causing her to fall backward in shock landing on her back stunned. The silence continued, while everyone processed what had transpired before their very eyes. After a few minutes, Bella's quiet giggle disturbed the silence. By the second, her giggles increased in intensity until she was full blown laughing clutching her stomach. Soon everyone joined in, but it wasn't a, "oh that was so funny" laugh. It was more of a response to hysteria as in oh my god I have no idea what to do right now. Eventually the laughs died away and it was quiet again. Can anyone say AWKWARD!

"So…" Emmett said clapping his hands together, "Jasper you ready for that kiss?"

"If you so much as come an inch closer to me, I will not hesitate to rip your head clean off your shoulders," was Jasper's calm reply.

"Okay then," turning to Rosalie and Alice he continued, "Girls, I bid you a very much deserved congratulations for your unquestioned success." And with that he walked away as if nothing had happened. It seemed to relieve some of the pressure in the room though, allowing everyone to take a deep breath to regain composure.

Mrs. Nutcracker was still on the floor, rolling back and forth mumbling to herself, "Evil… e-evil…EVIL!"

"Are you alright Nutty, I mean Stacy?" I couldn't help but ask.

"S-stay away from m-me!" She stuttered, struggling to her feet. She turned toward Micky, stalking toward her as a lion after her prey.

"I would like to go back home please," she said sweetly while her glare suggested otherwise. Micky looked scared for a second before she answered in a clear and demanding voice.

"We have a contract Mrs. Nutcracker. You are to remain here until the two weeks are up. I'm sorry about… your current state, but there is nothing that can be done," her words sounded sincere but her thoughts were going on about how this was going to be her best show yet and she would be damned if she let Stacy's attitude ruin it. Dedicated much?

"Umm… Mrs. Nutcracker I do believe Jasper and Emmett can make you feel better!" Alice chimed in with a smug smile on her face.

"We can?" Emmett and Jasper replied at the same time, which made Jasper scowl. Even the thought of doing anything in unison reminded him of the "incident" that came way too close to being reality.

"Why yes, I do believe you two wanted to give her a Mani pedi!" Rosalie finished now also wearing an evil smirk.

"Y-you all STAY AWAY!" Mrs. Nutcracker screamed as she turned to run for the door. Emmett caught up with and retrained her easily.

"Ah ah ah Nutty, you don't want to be doing that. Jasper and I are going to paint your nails whether you like it or not," he said simply, towing her to Alice's room to complete his side of the bet along with Jasper.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" was the last thing we heard as they forced her upstairs. Everyone then wandered off to do whatever they pleased until they had to stay in their rooms and "sleep". Bella said she wasn't that hungry due to all the different emotions caused by the day and settled for a light snack. A brown sugar cinnamon pop tart toasted in the toaster while I poured her a glass of water. As I placed her food in front of her we heard more commotion from upstairs.

"NOO! NOT BLOOD RED! THAT COLOR IS EEEVIIIIL!" Screamed Nutty followed by another thud.

"Personally I quite like the color red," I replied coyly displaying Bella's favorite crooked smile.

"Really now? I never would have guessed," she rolled her eyes, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"WHAT IS THAT!? NO I DON"T WANT THEM TRIMED! SHARP OBJECTS ARE EVIL!" Nutty of course. Hmm this would be one interesting, and loud, evening. Perfect way to end this wild day, I thought sarcastically before following the love of my life up to my room.

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_John's POV_

The last couple of days have been more peaceful than I could remember. Having Mrs. Cullen here has changed the whole function of our family, even if she still applied the same ridiculous rules. Never did she yell or demand anyone of anything, rather asking softly and politely in a calmingly collected manner.

Many say I am insane, or deranged for marrying Stacy and dealing with their antics but in truth they have no idea what they are talking about. I am not crazy; it's just that she has changed so much in the last five years. Yes I know this seems impossible, but she didn't used to be the strict, crazy, religious lady. My wife used to be loving and fun, although not quite as perfect as our guest. Mrs. Cullen seemed a little too perfect sometimes in an unsettling kind of way, but I couldn't dwell much on her foreignness while enjoying the peace in our house.

Five years ago Stacy's father died in a car accident for which she was responsible. Obviously she made it, but her older aged father didn't. Captain Jack **(A/N: LOL I couldn't help it)** used to work for the navy seals. He commanded one of the navy ships for years and thus was very much attuned to discipline and order. At the time of the incident, it had been over Christmas break when he came to visit our family before he set out to sea once again. He was the only family my poor wife had left and when he passed, she was never the same again.

According to her, his last words were "Discipline and order forever". Not something you usually hear, but they had their desired effect on Stacy. Ever since then, that is all she has ever strived for because she somehow believes that by living up to his last words, she will be able to earn his forgiveness for cutting his life short. Also, he was not religious at the time and the thought of eternity burning in hell frightened her so horribly that she made us all conform to strict pious ways.

I am aware that her actions have gotten out of hand, but I don't have the heart to tell her that she is making our lives miserable. This is how she has been coping with the death of her father, and everyone's grief over a lost one is different. This is why I pushed her so much to go on this show. I thought that if she experienced the household of another family she would see what she was doing wrong. Or at least then I could blame the new wife for changing our ways for the better instead of directly insulting the woman I love.

I may seem like a coward, and maybe I am, but I just can't stand the thought of hurting her anymore. We were high school sweethearts, and even if she has changed, my love for her never will. To me, she will always be the free-spirited teen that took life as it came and made everyone around her smile. I just hoped that this experience would be able to change our family and benefit my two baby girls. I do from time to time treat them with their mother unaware, but it always makes me feel guilty of going behind my wife's back. I hate that and I want it to change so much that I took somewhat drastic measures. Hopefully she isn't making the Cullen families life too horrible and was actually allowing this to be a learning experience.

It was with optimistic thoughts that I fell asleep. Wonderful dreams of our family happy and carefree filled my mind. If only…

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**Hey guys! I hope you enjoyed that chapter and the new revelation in my plot!! Okay I know you may feel a little more sympathetic toward Mrs. Nutcracker right now, or not, but just don't forget she is still seen as some crazy lady to the Cullens so they will have their fun. REVIEW lots Twilight lovers!!**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- Oh and I start school Monday so my updates will slow down and become more regular. Probably a chapter a week :D**


	9. Fashion Show

**Here's the next chap. Thanks for the reviews! :)**

**Disclaimer: Owns way too much homework… but sadly not Twilight.**

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_Bella's POV _

"Oh EDDDWARRRD!"

"Oh no. Hey Bella want to go to our meadow? Like… right now!" Edward desperately grabbed my hand and half dragged me to the window apparently in too much of a rush to take the front door. I was confused, but let him drag me nonetheless.

"Not so fast Edward! Didn't you hear me call you?" Ahh, and suddenly everything makes sense. Alice was standing in the doorway with a frustrated glare and hands placed firmly on her small hips.

"Oh umm… no?" Edward looked like a deer caught in headlights, still clinging to my hand as if for dear life.

"Don't play dumb with me, I am not stupid. You already know what I want so come on." She made to turn and leave the room but stopped, tapping her foot expectantly.

"Aww come on Alice! You can't do this to me! This is on TV! It's both physical and mental abuse!" Okay so what was going on? I hated being left out of the loop all the time always waiting for Edward or someone to explain.

"Stop acting like a baby!"

"If I stop will you leave me alone?"

"Nice try now move it old man."

"I'm not an old man, and you can't make me!"

"Wow real mature!"

"I'm desperate! Anything else!"

"Well… now that you mention it, let me tell Bella about the time when…"

"No! You are evil!"

"You said anything else…"

"You wouldn't want to scar Bella for life would you?"

"Oh actually I am quite sure she will enjoy it! Won't you Bella?" Finally they both acknowledged that I was in the room. Alice looked at me waiting for an agreement while Edward's eyes begged for me to… well I don't really know since I had no clue what was going on.

"Umm yes?" Edward's eyes fell looking so depressed I wanted to cry, "I mean no! Okay actually I have no idea because you two have failed to clue me in on what the heck you're arguing about."

"Well you know how yesterday there was that whole bet about affection and stuff?"

"Yes I do Alice, Geez us humans don't forget that easily," I rolled my eyes playfully at her.

"Well anyway, Edward hasn't been fully embracing his cross-dressing nature and I thought it was time he did!"

"So you want him to wear something feminine? That's why he is whining like a two-year-old?"

"Hey!" Edward looked annoyed, crossing his arms.

"Not exactly…"

"Would someone just get to the point cause you are giving me a headache." I rubbed my temples willing away the dull ache of keeping up with vampires on a daily basis.

"Oh love would you like a nap? How about I sing you to sleep and you just rest for the remainder of the day. You don't look too well, you feel a bit warm…"

"Wow, you really are desperate, and thanks for calling me ugly Edward. It's what every girl wants to hear." I pretended to be upset at his comment, just toying with him. Normally I am a very poor actor, but he readily believed me.

"No! No, I didn't mean it like that I just… uhh… I meant that you… well umm…"

"Oooo and the infamous Edward loses his articulate words of love just like that! Will he ever get them back, or is he doomed to being a bumbling idiot forever?" Alice feigned a horrified tone at the thought, causing me to giggle.

"Shut up Alice. Why don't you just leave!"

"Aww, but I want her to stay Edward!" I looked at him through my eyelashes trying to look tempting, although I probably just looked like an idiot.

"Umm what?" Apparently I struck my mark and rendered him speechless. I loved it when I could have an effect on this perfect Adonis.

"Yup the very words that woo me off my feet have disappeared forever. How very sad."

"How very sad indeed," Alice added before we burst into a fit of giggles together. Suddenly, Edward pulled me to his chest tightly, his eyes smoldering as he stared down into mine.

"My love you are the very reason I continue to live this life, the reason for every breath, the reason for every smile, the very reason I am who I am. My sincere apologies if I am rendered incapable of a single coherent thought while in your presence for your effect on me is unfathomable. Never did I expect to come in contact with someone of your magnitude. The most beautiful, thoughtful, loving, and intelligent woman to ever walk on this earth is in my arms right now and I couldn't be happier. You are my whole world, my endless sky of love and promise," lowering his lips to my ear he whispered, "I love you with all I have Isabella Cullen and wish nothing but for your happiness."

The world around me was lost as the only thing I became aware of was him, holding me close as if this were his last chance. I clung to him wordlessly, never wanting this moment to end, but then it was interrupted of course.

A loud smacking noise followed by an "OWW", broke me from my love-induced haze.

"Rose! What was that for!" Emmett and Rosalie were now standing behind Alice, having come right before Edward's speech.

"Why can't you ever say something like that Emmett!" She huffed glaring at a panicked looking Emmett.

"Uhh… umm okay? Rose you are sexy and I love you… oh and clouds or something right?" Wow, the phrase crash and burn came to my mind.

"Emmett, just… just shut up and look pretty okay? It's much better that way," Rose shook her head at her husband as if any attempt was useless.

"But baby, isn't that Edward's job?" I stifled my chuckles into Edward's shirt, not wanting to embarrass the sweet man that just professed his undying love for me. Emmett, though, was so lost that I doubted a map, guide, and compass on sweet-talking would be of aid.

Alice wasn't exactly patient when she wanted something, and now was no different. Clearing her throat noisily she looked pointedly at my soon to be husband, "Anyway… lets go Edward."

"Yeah, fashion shows are not easily put together and we need to get to work!" Rosalie added in, moving away from her still perplexed mate.

Wait, fashion show? What fashion show? I decided to just ask and see where it got me, "So what exactly is going on?"

"Oh Bella! It will be so much fun! We are putting on a fashion show, with Edward being the main model of course, and I won't even make you change into a bunch of clothes. Since I am so nice, I decided to let you be the announcer, so you only have to let me give you one make over!" Alice squealed with eyes glowing in excitement.

"Okay, I guess that's not so bad… for me anyway. I'll agree under one condition," I smiled evilly knowing what I was about to say would be unexpected, well to everyone besides Alice obviously.

"Anything," she replied knowingly.

"I want to help with Edward's makeover!" I gushed excitedly. I know they were torture, but he was the reason I always endured them! Well that and Alice's death threats. He could survive one day of makeovers if I had to every time we went somewhere.

"WHAT!" Yeah, Edward definitely was not expecting that one.

"Definitely! Come on people, let's get to work!" Alice chimed finally scurrying off to her room knowing I would make Edward follow. Rosalie trailed after Alice ready to put this show into action. Normally this kind of thing would horrify me, but since I will not be the one in the spotlight, it seemed kind of fun.

"How could you do this to me?" My love looked at me pleadingly, apparently heartbroken about my betrayal. I could see through his charade of course, and knew he was just trying to guilt me into getting him out of it. If he wants to play dirty, then so will I.

"I guess you lied then," I added a sniffle and turned away for him to add to the effect. Man my acting skills were on a roll today.

"About what?" He sounded worried about my sudden change in mood.

"Y-you don't really love me all that much," I whispered, unable to keep the humor out of my voice if I spoke aloud.

"That's absurd! Did you not just hear everything I said a moment ago!"

"Yes, and you said you wanted to make me happy, but now I'm sad." Okay so now I felt a little bad, he was buying everything!

"I'm sorry love, if it really means that much to you, then I'll do the fashion show no complaint," his cool hands wrapped around my waist as he placed a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Really?" I still looked away from him, knowing that he would see through my acting with one peak at my eyes.

"Most definitely love," he kissed my cheek again waiting for a response. I sprung out of his arms with a wide grin on my face skipping from the room telling him to hurry up then.

Before I made it to Alice's room, I heard Emmett say," Man, you are whipped."

"I am more whipped than any can of whip cream out there Emmett my man," Edward replied back with acceptance in his voice. At least he didn't mind! I giggled to myself as I entered Alice's room, which was covered in different makeup products and outfits.

Alice quickly threw me some clothes to change into. She had Jasper and Emmett downstairs setting up a suitable stage, while the cameramen tailed everyone curious to see what would happen next in this crazy house.

Once I had pulled on the simple blue dress and flats, I walked out of her bathroom. The dress was comfortable, and very me. It wasn't everyday that I agreed with her outfit choice right away. Maybe this was a thank you for getting Edward to comply without complaint.

When I exited the bathroom, he was standing by the door with a frightened look on his face as Alice gave him orders.

"Calm down and sit in the bloody chair Edward," she finally exclaimed when her just stared at her wordlessly.

"W-what is that?" He eyed one of her many beautifying contraptions as if it would or could kill him.

"It's just for your eyelashes! Now sit!" An impatient Alice was never a good thing.

"Are you planning on ripping it out with that thing!" His eyes were wide in fear, hugging the wall as if it would protect him.

"No, it just curls them Mr. Dramatic. Hey Bella, your man's afraid of eyelash curlers," Rose commented, hidden from sight behind a pile of clothes.

"That is so very manly love," I said with a smile, approaching him and carefully leading him to Alice's chair of horrors. He didn't need the eyelash thing because his were beautifully perfect by themselves, but Alice would probably use it anyway just to scare him.

"Lovely dress Bells," he smiled crookedly at me, causing a grin of my own.

"Good then stare at her while we fix you," Alice commanded trying to decide which eyeliner to use.

"Now that I can do," his eyes left my face to rake up and down my body. Suddenly self-conscience I tried to subtly hide behind Alice while my signature blush spread across my face. Peaking from behind my hiding spot, I saw him raise his eyebrows with an amused grin before winking. Feeling kind of silly for hiding, I stepped from behind Alice and proceeded to help her pick out what make up we would use.

"Edward do you want brown or black?" Alice inquired still unable to decide.

"Black," came his answer without hesitation.

"Wow, you really are getting into this," his only reply was to shrug his shoulders and continue gazing at me.

Once his make up was finished, I was quite pleased with the results. Since he had been so willing, Alice had given him a break and instead of making him all pink and girly, she chose a more Johnny Depp look. I had to admit he looked pretty dang hot and had to remind myself not to stare.

Rosalie then attacked his hair, with both Alice's help and mine. A fight broke out as we all wrangled with the bronze colored beast with Edward laughing the whole time.

"That which sits upon my head shall never be tame," he joked as all our attempts to do anything with it failed.

"Wait! I have an idea!" Rosalie announced, quickly diving into Alice's closet. A few seconds later she emerged with a tub of… something.

"What's that?" I wondered if it was gel. It would have to be as strong as freaking cement to even have a slight effect on his bronze locks. Although Alice was a bit frustrated, I was all the more happy that his hair wouldn't change. I loved it how it was, and simply ran my hands through it while Rosalie and Alice decided what to do.

"Well since we can't change how it's styled, I thought maybe we could… Edward are you purring" Rosalie was in the middle of her sentence when she stopped short to question Edward. Purring? Why and how could he purr? Didn't cats do that and how come I didn't hear anything?

"Umm… I don't know… I guess," he admitted slightly embarrassed. Both Alice and Rosalie started laughing.

"Wait what?" I swear I didn't hear anything.

"I guess he really likes you running your hands through his hair Bella," Alice stated with an amused grin. Quickly, I pulled my fingers from his hair. "You just can't hear it because your ears aren't sensitive enough."

I thought about that for a moment. I didn't know vampires could purr, and if they could I was sure Edward purring would be the sexiest thing I have ever heard.

"I want to hear you purr," I complained with a frown. He only chuckled and kissed my hands.

"Anyway, I think we should dye his hair." Rose's suggestion wiped away any contentment he had been feeling.

"NO!"

"Oh hush up Edward. No complaining remember. Besides, it's not permanent so it will come out in a couple days," Alice reassured him before pushing him toward the sink. I wasn't sure how I felt about them coloring his hair, but I guess I would find out. I had never thought of him having it a different color, and I loved it bronze.

When I made my way to follow them, Alice said I had better wait outside the bathroom. I had no idea why, but complied anyway. After about ten minutes, Alice slid from the bathroom and picked up a pair of black pants and a hot pink shirt.

"I want you to have the full effect, so I will have him change before you see him," she explained before reentering the bathroom. Soon after her and Rosalie reemerged with matching smiles.

"We are geniuses Rose."

"That we are," they high fived each other and gestured for me to look towards the bathroom door. Hesitantly, I turned to face the door anxiously waiting for Edward to emerge. After what seemed like forever, the door slowly crept open causing me to freeze. I wasn't even breathing, I didn't remember how. At the moment, I didn't even know what my name was.

"Breath Bella," he spoke slowly, his velvety voice only stunning me further. I was able to force my lungs to pull in and push out a sufficient amount of oxygen, although my breaths came in short gasps.

"Umm… I look stupid don't I? I knew that I shouldn't have…" he began, but I found my voice and cut him off.

"Edward you look absolutely stunning," my voice was weak and shaky. His response was to smile at me and straighten up a bit.

The girls had dyed his hair completely black, the contrast heavenly with his pale skin. The tight black jeans and hot pink shirt clung tightly to his sculpted body. The shirt was low cut, revealing a highly tempting piece of his chest. He even had black vans on to match his outfit. On his right earlobe hung a clip on sliver cross earring that had another smaller cross hanging off the middle. He looked so appealing at the moment I just wanted to jump his bones. Bad Bella. I thought trying to keep my thoughts G rated but failing horribly. Never had I been more glad that my mind was blocked from him.

"Okay great! Now aren't you glad you did this Edward! You look great! Plus you don't look like a girl, but could still pass as a cross-dresser!" Alice sang digging through another pile of clothes. "Now Bella, here is the order in which we will be modeling," she stated handing me a piece of paper, "Jazzy will show you where to stands and such while we finish with Edward here and pick out the rest of his outfits."

Nodding slightly, my eyes never left the love of my life. Although I responded to her words, they didn't really translate in my head as my thoughts were entirely wrapped around Edward.

"Earth to Bella!" Alice waved her hand in front of my face while Edward just stared deeply into my eyes.

"S-sorry Alice," I turned to leave, but turned at the door, "Oh and Edward, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pretty boys in my book." Winking at him, I exited the room and met Jasper in the living room, which had been completely transformed. Thinking back on how Edward looked, I was never more sure that pretty boys were amazingly hot. The whole pretty boys are gay thing was stupid, because damn Edward had never looked sexier.

--

**(A/N: I was going to stop it here but decided to not split day four on the show. Anyhow make sure to review lots this chap cause I am putting off HW for you!!)**

"Welcome ladies and gents to the Cullen House Fashion Show. Today we will be witnessing the lovely Alice, hot Rosalie, and sexy Edward in all their fashion appeal. First up we have Alice wearing a gold silk dress…" I started my announcing job and was pleased that I hadn't stuttered yet. It was pretty easy since I just had to read from the sheet Alice prepared for me.

Once Edward came out in the outfit I had seen him in earlier, all the female producers and workers for the show in the room were completely swooning all over him. I would have been a bit jealous if I wasn't sure that he was completely mine. He got totally into it, strutting up and down the makeshift runway swinging his hips.

And so it continued, Alice followed by Rosalie, and then Edward. His second outfit was a pair of white short shorts with a purple tank and matching purple stilettos. This outfit was much more feminine and it was apparent that he was way out of his comfort zone, but he managed and still remained a hundred time more graceful in heels than I ever had been. Once he reached the end of the runway, Emmett decided to have some fun.

"Woo Hoo! You strike that sexy pose Edda!" He bellowed expecting Edward to be furious, but instead Edward winked at him and walked off the stage. Everyone in the room was making those "ooo" noises and laughing at Edward's playfulness.

The outfits that followed all ranged from highly feminine to very hot for a guy. Throughout the whole time, Edward had taken it with grace and never showed any anger towards the situation, well that is until the last number Alice forced him into. He came out with an indifferent expression and quickly stalked the length of the runway.

He was wearing brown fury overalls that looked like some kind of animal, maybe a bear? He had a red shirt underneath with thirty-three on the front. His hands were covered in fake paws that matched his overalls and he even had fury ears on his head. Once he reached the end of the runway he took his tail and swirled it around as Alice had instructed him. Emmett chuckled at Edward's performance saying something about Edward looking happier than a retard in a room full of bouncy balls. Edward simply gave Emmett a dirty look before sashaying his way off the stage.

"Thank you for watching this amazing show! Can you please give a loud hand of applause for our performers," I relayed the words from the sheet getting a loud applause in response.

"Is there any comments that would like to be shared?" I asked not entirely understanding the statement. Why would Alice put it on there?

"Yes! I have quite a few words!" Nutty herself walked onto the stage with a menacing glare. Facing everyone she began her speech, "That was entirely evil and insane! What males walk about in animal costumes! This whole family should be put in a mental institution! This whole show has been pure…"

Emmett cut her off, "Let me guess… EVIL!!" He mocked her shrill hysterical voice when he said evil making everyone laugh.

"You are going to hell! Fashion shows are EVIL!! They suggest that men should stare at woman's bodies and that is EVIL EVIL EVIL!!"

"Calm down Stacy! Sheesh you are as a red as blood!!… I mean a tomato. Seriously you are nuttier than squirrel poo!" Emmett boomed causing everyone to laugh again.

"AHH!! EVIL!! SQUIRLS ARE EVIL!!" She screamed hysterical. Okay seriously what is this lady's problem?

"Okay hmm… are butterflies evil too?" Emmett questioned her.

"Yes!"

"Why in the heck are butterflies evil!? There are like little buggy things that just fly around and stuff. Oh and the one's that look like they have eyes on their wings are so cool!! I want eyes on my back!! Hey Rosalie…"

"Hell no Emmett, no bug eyes on your back," Rosalie rolled her eyes at her immature husband. It was so funny because he was dead serious.

"Aww man. Well maybe if I…"

"No."

"Well how about…"

"Never…"

"But it could be…"

"Just give it up Emmett," She shook her head at his ridiculousness. I mean who wants eyes draw on their backs? Emmett was a strange strange vampire.

"Fine, but those little buggers are not evil," he huffed with a determined scowl.

"Yes they are!" Nutty contradicted.

"Oh yeah whipped poo! Then how?"

"I am not whipped poo! EVIL! And butterflies are evil because they don't go to church and they don't pray." This lady has got to be the most deranged person on the face of the planet.

"What the heck? Butterflies can't go to church or pray cause they can't talk and don't have brains… or do they? Oh cool! Rosie guess what!" Emmett was excited once more over some lame idea.

"Emmett you are not teaching butterflies how to talk! That's impossible!"

"But parrots can talk! Oooo can we get a parrot too! Then the Butterfinger and Bill can talk to each other!"

"Who are Butterfinger and Bill?" Jasper asked with a confused expression, same as everyone else.

"Well Butterfinger is my butterfly of course and Bill is my parrot!"

"You don't have either of those animals Emmett," Jasper pointed out.

"Yeah… well I will huh Rosie!"

"Nope."

Emmett's face fell once again, "Dang it! And I already knew what clothes I wanted to get them!"

"You can't put clothes on a butterfly!" Jasper rubbed his temples as if conversing with Emmett actually gave him a headache.

"Yeah! You can use a baby sock!"

"No you can't!"

"Okay enough with the birds and flies Emmett. You are starting to scare me," Carlisle cut in.

"They're butterflies."

"Whatever."

"You are all still evil," Mrs. Nutcracker fumed with her arms crossed stubbornly.

"If only she knew," I mumbled sarcastically. Yes, I think she would take kindly to find out she was living with a family of vampires. That conversation would turn out just fine.

"So Edward, what made you so complacent during the show? You were really into it. Or was that some secret and you actually love walking around in female clothing," I teased lightly petting his overalls. I know that's weird, but they were very soft!

"Umm… well Alice kind of threatened me with a certain event that happened awhile ago," he looked at his feet and I swear he would be blushing if he could.

"Oh? And what was that?" I asked knowing I would get him to tell me eventually.

"I uhh… can't tell you. Family secret," this only seemed to make him more uncomfortable. What happened that could embarrass him so?

"Please tell me Edward! Please," batting my eyelashes like I did earlier, I won.

"Huh fine…" be brought me up to his room and changed quickly before he began his story. "So umm… about ten years ago…

* * *

_Esme's POV_

"That's it, you're doing excellent!" I was working with the girls on the piano again. They were actually very good.

"Can you play Mrs. Cullen?" Jena asked timidly while Lisa nodded her head.

"No, but my son Edward is phenomenal." I suddenly realized what that random CD I found in my suitcase was. I would have to thank Alice later. Quickly retrieving it, I placed it in the CD player and pressed play. The soft tunes of my song flowed through the room making both girls gasp in surprise.

"He is amazing!" Lisa commented after it was finished.

"Yes, amazing indeed!" These girls were so cute how they fed off each other's sentences. Following my song was Bella's lullaby. It brought both girls close to tears, and when I told them he made it for the girl he loved, they were sure he was unreal.

"Dears, how do you live with this many rules? Is it not suffocating?" I inquired after a few minutes. Unsure if I was pushing their boundaries or not, I asked hesitantly.

"Barely. I know my mother feels it is best for us, but I disagree." Jena looked down at her feet as if expecting to be reprimanded.

"Yes it is not what I would want for my child, but I know she means well," Lisa had the courage to look at me with her response, although eye contact was rare.

"Why haven't you brought it up to her girls?" If they felt so strongly, they should be able to voice their opinions.

"I have been too afraid to approach her. It is simply not done."

"Yes, we are not courageous enough for that," Lisa finished sharing a pitiful look with her sister.

"Well I think you both have courage, and could use it if you wished. It couldn't hurt right?"

"Right, thanks Esme," Lisa smiled timidly again, a light pink touching her cheeks after calling me by my first name.

"You are very welcome. Now what would you girls like to do?"

"Well if it isn't too much trouble, I would like to watch a little bit of the Olympics. Michael Phelps is swimming today and I heard he is amazing!" Jena's eyes lit up, "If that wasn't too much of a bother."

"Olympics it is girls." We walked towards the living room together to watch the human games in peace. These girls were so smart, and fun to be around although quiet in nature. They reminded me of myself as a young lady all those years ago.

* * *

**And there you have it readers!! Random… hopefully a bit funny although I know not as funny as my previous chaps. Huh… now off to homework ugh. Review and make me happy cause I definitely need the joy right about now ;D**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.-REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


	10. New York

**SO SO SO SORRY!! Yeah, I know I missed my update last week, but I have been super busy with life and stuff. Again sorry… Thanks so much for all your supportive reviews!! Enjoy!! **

**Disclaimer: Me is to owner of Twilight as…**

** a. Cold is to snow**

** b. Hot is to sun**

** c. Blonde is to smart**

**LOL yes the correct answer is C!! Good for you!! Hehe and no offence to you blondes out there!! Luv ya!!**

* * *

_Edward's POV_

She just sat there laughing at my expense. I would have been worried about her laughing to death or something like that, knowing my Bella was a magnet for anything harmful, but I was too annoyed at the moment. Sheesh… whatever happened to the supportive and loving partner?

"You can stop laughing anytime you know," I hissed my arms crossed. Seriously, why did I have to tell her? The single most embarrassing thing to ever happen to me and she tricked me into telling her.

"Too… funny!" she heaved clutching her stomach, her eyes tightly sealed with tears running down her face. Something so mortifying should not be this funny. Deciding to ignore her, very difficult to do, I grabbed one of the many books I had practically memorized and started to read. In actuality I was simply starring at the pages before flipping them, but at least to her it looked as if I had lost interest.

"Sorry Edward, but you can't spring a story like that on someone and expect it to be taken seriously! I can't believe you…"

"Please don't repeat that. I want to just forget it ever happened okay? No more talk about it." The book was now closed and back on the shelf. It was pointless to try and disregard the love of my life anyway.

"But you…"

"No."  
"And then…"

"Quiet!"

"And… she thought…"

"Okay! I get it! Please!"

"Huh, okay sorry I'm done." She smiled apologetically at me, softly prying my hand away from my face. I had upon habit pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger unconsciously.

"What happened in the past will now stay in the past okay?" Her soothing words calmed me down immediately, and I pulled her into my lap burying my face in her strawberry scented hair. Sighing, I found myself content…

--

"I'm bored," Emmett whined for the umpteenth time this morning. Apparently everyone had run out of ideas as to what we should do today. Carlisle had the day off, deciding to read in his study until we came up with something to do.

"Hmm… how about we go shopping!" Alice squealed. I felt Bella tense in my arms at the mention of spending money. I hated her fetish about saving every penny, never allowing me to spoil her without a fuss.

"I don't think Bella agrees," my chuckles filled the quiet living room while everyone strained to come up with something.

"Besides honey, you already have everything you could possibly want to buy around here," Jasper rubbed Alice's back trying to console her disappointment about not shopping.

Rosalie rolled her eyes turning to Alice, "Then shop somewhere not around here. I am going to go crazy if we don't do something!"

"That's it! Everyone go pack!" Alice jumped up demanding we pack enough clothes for two days.

"Alice what the…" Emmett began just as confused as the rest of us.

"Hurry! I'll get our flight prepared and the hotel situated… hmm I will have to pull a few strings but it should be fine…" She continued planning out loud as she took to the Internet and phone. Unwilling to argue and desperate for some entertainment, everyone went to their separate rooms to pack.

"So where are we going again?" Bella dug through one of the drawers I provided for her in my room, throwing random articles of clothing into a small red suitcase.

"Not sure, but I don't think it's close. We are going by our jet so it has to be in another state," I responded, having completed my packing in all of five seconds.

Bella turned to face me with wide eyes, "JET!" she squeaked, "Since when did you guys have a jet?"

"We keep one for convenience love, it's really no big deal."

"You own your own jet and you call it no big deal?" She scoffed.

"Technically my family owns it, not me, but in essence yes. It isn't like money is an issue for us. I have told you that over and over."

"Just because you have it doesn't mean you have to spend it," her remark was expected as she is the most stubborn person I have ever met.

"Then what else should we do with it?" I asked, eyebrows raised. She looked so cute when she was frustrated, her chin jutting our and hands placed firmly on her hips in defiance. I just wanted to kiss her pout away but knew she would be upset if I interrupted her… then again I do tend to make her forget what is going on.

"Don't you even think about it mister. I see that evil gleam in your eyes," she hissed at me before turning back to her packing.

"What are you talking about?" My innocence would have fooled anyone, except for Bella of course.

"You were contemplating distracting me, and I hate when you do that."

"I beg to differ. You, love, tend to enjoy my distractions. Besides since when were you the mind reader?"

"I can't read your mind silly, I just love you," she smiled wrapping her arms around my waist, "So I can tell what you are thinking by your facial expressions and eyes."

"And what are my eyes saying now?" I played along, my arms encircling her small waist.

"They are saying you want to carry our bags downstairs and tell Mrs. Nutcracker that we are leaving," she claimed matter-of-factly before giggling and skipping out of my room.

I shook my head mumbling to myself, "She has definitely been hanging out with Alice way too long."

Having heard me, Alice called out, "I resent that Edward Masen!"

Once I had our luggage waiting with the others, I went up to talk to the crazy herself. In an attempt to prepare myself, I listened in on her thoughts.

_'These people are insane! And evil… order… need order! NO! DEVIL!… obey me!' _Pulling my mind out of hers quickly, I rubbed my temples in an attempt to regain control. Her mind was a mess, and I was most certainly refraining form entering it from now on.

"Mrs. Nutcracker?" I knocked softly on the door. Ungraceful shuffling, and a few grunts later, she opened the door glaring.

"What?"

"It's time to leave so…" but she cut me off.

"Leave! Oh my! Just a moment!" She scurried back into her room, appearing a few minutes later with all of her bags by her feet. "Okay well it was nice… actually no, you're family is evil and disorderly! I am pleased to know I can finally take my leave!"

She pushed past me dragging her many bags along with her. Apparently she thought she was leaving now for good. No matter how much I wanted that, unfortunately it wasn't true. Whatever, at least she was packed and making her way downstairs. I could leave the explaining to someone else.

--

"No you are not going home, we are just going shopping!" Alice explained slowly to an infuriated looking Stacy.

"I demand you tell me where you are taking me! If you plan to kidnap me and hold me for ransom on some deserted island, I can guarantee that you will regret it!" This lady called us insane? Where did she get a deserted island from?

"Listen here Nutter Butter," Emmett had one foot on the stairs, facing Mrs. Nutcracker while leaning forward on his propped up knee, "We wouldn't want to kidnap you if you had the key to happiness in a world full of death, pain, and suffering. I would rather be eaten by ten wild grizzlies, not that I couldn't take them, than be on any deserted island with you okay? So no, we are not going to kidnap you. Although, I can't say the same for the whipping man. He seems to be highly displeased with you, so I would watch out." He grinned at her coyly, winking before hauling as much of the luggage as humanly acceptable out to the jeep.

His speech had the desired effect, as Mrs. Nutcracker stood stunned, eyes wide. Jasper supplied her with enough fear to shut her up.

"So where are we going Alice?" Bella inquired from her spot on the couch hesitantly. Her forehead was creased with worry lines at the prospect of another shopping trip.

"New York!" She exclaimed, her mind racing with the endless possibilities, "Manhattan Mall, here we come!"

The drive down to the Port Angeles airport went by fast, considering I was pushing 120 in my Volvo, Emmett's jeep and Alice's Porsche not far behind. This time Emmett and Rosalie were stuck with Nutty, much to their disappointment.

Upon our arrival, we were met by the pilot who would be flying us to New York. Unfortunately, we didn't have enough time to have our cars sent there too so we would have to make due with the rent-a-cars Alice had acquired for us in Manhattan. Decidedly, that is where we would spend the majority of our time since Alice wanted to shop at every store in the Manhattan Mall.

My family, along with Nutty and a few cameramen assigned to accompany us, piled out of the cars and into the jet. It had a black and white themed interior with suede seats. It was complete with a fridge stocked with beverages, a bathroom containing a small shower, and a bedroom at the back of the aircraft. We all situated ourselves in the front sitting area of the plane while Alice gave instructions to the pilots.

"This is amazing Edward, I can't believe it's yours!" Bella's voice was full of awe as she took in her surroundings. I simply kissed her hair allowing her to explore our setting thoroughly with her eyes. Luckily, Nutty had been pretty quiet during the ride. According to Emmett's thoughts, he had told her another story about the Whipping Man stalking his prey all the way across the world, always watching their every move to see if they were being good.

I watched Bella stare out the window at the many clouds we flew through silently. Once again I found myself in need of her thoughts.

"What are you thinking love?" I whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek softly.

"Marshmallows," came her reply. Interesting… wait what?

"Marshmallows?" I wonder if I could even keep up with her mind if I was allowed access.

"Yes, sleeping on marshmallows."

"May I ask why?" This beautiful girl was quite strange sometimes.

"Well the clouds look like giant marshmallows, and very soft. I was just wondering what it would be like to sleep on the clouds," she smiled up at me before turning back to the window.

"I think you were born to sleep on the clouds love."

"Umm… thank you I guess?" I smiled at her puzzled face.

"What I mean is angles sleep in the clouds, and you are my own personal angel," her eyes grew soft at my words, leaning in to kiss her…

"Spare me the pain! This is cruelty! PDA!" Emmett screamed covering Rosalie's eyes as if it were something not fit to be seen.

"Shut up Em, " Bella grumbled, her face turning a slight shade of pink.

"We will be landing in a few minutes. Welcome to New York Cullen party," the speakers announced just as the clouds parted to reveal one of the most popular state in the US.

"Woo Hoo! I love New York!" Emmett's loud voice boomed just as the plane touched ground. A limo awaited our arrival, prepared to take us to our hotel. We had booked nothing less than the best of course, which did not go without complaint about spending too much money by Bella.

"Love please just enjoy yourself, money really is not a big deal and if you are going to be a Cullen you need to get used to that." My eyes pleaded with her to agree and drop the subject from now on.

"Okay, sorry, it's just not how I was raised."

"I understand love."

Alice had rushed us out of the hotel as soon as everyone put away his or her belongings. Mrs. Nutcracker refused to accompany us to the mall of course, instead bolting herself in her room. It would be much more pleasant without her.

"Mall time!" Alice screamed once we entered the large shopping structure. For hours we all traveled from store to store in this amazing city buying everything to Alice's fancy. Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle, and I were the official bag holders while Rosalie and Alice dragged Bella into every agreeable shop. We only stopped once to feed Bella, and then were off again.

"Alice can we pleeease stop now! I can't feel my feet and we have been shopping all day!" Bella collapsed onto a nearby bench looking thoroughly tired out. I felt even more sorry for the cameramen who had to chase us through the crowds with the heavy equipment.

"That's enough Alice. I won't let you kill my fiancée because of a shopping extravaganza," giving my sister an admonishing look, I dropped the bags I held and gently rubbed my love's feet.

"Okay that's enough for now. It's only eight so I was thinking we could leave our stuff in the limo and go to the Common Ground," she suggested, her pixie eyes shinning in enthusiasm.

Bella looked at her future-sister-in-law in confusion, "What's that?"

"A popular club. It has good music and class. Both you and Edward will really like it," she answered steering us towards the exit.

"I guess I will manage if I get some caffeine," Bella fought her drooping lids.

"Starbucks it is," Alice strode out the door quickly. Somehow we found a drive through coffee shop for a quick stop before heading off to this club. The thick liquid smelled atrocious as I passed it to Bella. How on earth humans could drink that nasty stuff was beyond me. Then again I may be slightly biased, being a vampire and all.

"Mmm…" came her satisfied sigh once the mixture of caramel, chocolate, and coffee ran down her throat. The limo driver quickly took us to The Common Ground after our short pit stop.

--

The club was in no way what I had expected. You could tell it was very popular by the many bodies bustling in and around it, but it wasn't like one of those places where you couldn't move an inch with out some drunken idiot rubbing against you. This place had more class and elegance to it. Now I understood why Alice made us all dress so formally to go shopping.

We quickly exited the limo gazing at the place of Alice's choosing that none of us had anticipated. This unique little pub had large bay windows that opened to reveal cozy suede banquettes, antique mirrors and exposed brick. Upon entrance, magnificent crystal chandeliers, and old school board games lining the walls under old-fashioned candlelit lamps met us.

A worker who was dressed to match our surroundings led us into another room marked VP. I heard my sweet Bella take a sharp intake of breath once she was met with the many dark oak shelves lined with leather-bound books making this Victorian-esque east village pub so quaint I felt as if I was back in my human days.

"You like?" I was broken out of my revere by Alice, standing in front of her shocked family with a satisfied grin.

"This is amazing Alice," Carlisle approved as he looked through the many books.

Another worker came up to us with a bright smile on her face. Politely, I smiled back before following Carlisle's example and running through the many books.

"Hello, my name is Kayla and I'll be helping you folks out this evening. This room is yours for the remainder of the night, and if you go through the doors to your left you will find yourselves in the dance room. The walls are all sound proof so if you choose a more quiet night out, the dance floor will not bother you," I heard the smile in her voice as she spoke. I almost thought she was pretty nice before her thoughts invaded my mind.

_'Damn he is one fine piece of machinery! Wow, maybe I can convince him to let me give him a tour! Although once we hit the private study upstairs, I'm sure I can convince him to stop and play. Mmm oh yes I will so tap that,'_ her mind was full of confidence obviously thinking she was so beautiful and tempting. I couldn't really say since no one could ever spark my interest besides my beautiful Bella. This Kayla girl's thoughts only succeeded in pissing me off.

"Would you folks like anything to eat or drink?" I could feel her staring at me and refused to turn around.

"Yes, I would like something," came Bella's sweet voice.

"What?" Suddenly the girl's voice grew stiff addressing my love. Bella suavely strode over to me, wrapping her pale arms around my waist possessively.

"I would appreciate it if you kept your eyes off my fiancée otherwise I just might have to poke them out. You wouldn't want that would you?" Bella was glaring at the girl while everyone stared at her in shock…except for Alice.

"I-I umm… wasn't… well if that's all I am just uhh going to leave now," She actually looked frightened by my innocent Bella, although she wasn't acting so innocent at the moment.

Bella grinned and winked at the girl, "Good choice." With that, Kayla practically ran from the room screaming '_so not worth it_' and '_psycho b'_ I her mind.

Once we were left alone, my family's eyes still laid on Bella causing her to grace us with one of her signature blushes.

Emmett broke the silence, "Damn! You go girl!" His comment hit the spot, making all of us laugh.

"I'm so proud," came Rosalie's comment, further surprising us.

Bella simply thanked her in reply before pulling me over to one of the many book shelves that gave this place the feel of a classic library in a 19th century mansion. My siblings all took off to the dance floor while Carlisle, Bella, and I settled down with a good book. The small fire crackling in the far corner set the mood easily allowing us to get lost in the world of fantasy.

* * *

_Mrs. Nutcracker's POV_

Stupid show, stupid devil people, stupid sin. Grr this is unacceptable! What parents let their children fly across the country whenever they want! My parental instincts roared inside, knowing I could be doing so much better raising these selfish, rude children.

I refused to be apart of their rendezvous, instead locking myself away from them in this hotel room. What was I supposed to do now? I have been sitting here for hours doing nothing! They are so bad mannered! They should have asked me what I wanted to do and done it gratefully! These people were evil! Plus, they just left me here with that whipping man coming after me! I could feel the hair standing up on my arms at the mere thought of that thing. It's all Emmett's fault. I am positive evil forces possess him.

Earlier I had attempted to take a nap, but I was plagued by the evilness of this Cullen family! Can you believe I had a dream about vampires! Yes! And as proof that an evil family surrounded me, the Cullens were the vampires! My body shook remembering them chasing me with whip cream cans.

I knew that it was impossible for vampires to be real, but it was a sure sign that the Cullens are evil, Evil, EVIL!! I am forced to endure a whole other week with them! Impossible! I will surely die first.

"UGH!" I screamed, falling back onto the sinfully soft bed.

A quick rap on the door caught my attention. "Mrs. Nutcracker, are you alright?"

I groaned again, it was the stupid cameraman. Ignoring his comment, I put on a pair of walking shoes and a shawl, and shoved past him in the hallway with my bible in hand. It was dusk, but I knew there were some lamps in the central park that would provide enough light for me.

"Ma'am, it is growing dark outside. I advise you not go out in Manhattan this late because it isn't safe," he said as if he were actually trying to warn me of some great danger. I knew though that he was just corrupted and wanted me to suffer sitting in this hotel forever. How could Manhattan, New York possibly be dangerous at night? Ridiculous.

"I am fine. Although if you are that scared of the dark, then you can stay here," I scoffed entering the elevator. If he was that scared of darkness, he obviously needed to find Jesus.

I quickly made my way out of the hotel and walked to the Central Park. It was kind of pretty at night, the soft glow of the moon along with the sound of crickets singing their song of nature. The crickets were still evil though.

I simply wandered around the different paths throughout the park aimlessly. Not a soul was out here, making it peaceful in the dead quiet. I wondered why no one came out here at night? There must be a lot of people afraid of the dark.

Seeing a suitable bench, I settled down on the corner of 110th and 5th street. The man made pond was not far away. I could hear the soft buzz of the streetlight above me. It flickered once, before turning off completely. Well that was just entirely unhelpful. I was just about to find another bench when it flickered back on again. Good, cause I liked this spot. There were enough trees around so that one wouldn't be able to se me until they were about a few feet away. It was nice and secluded here in Central Park at about ten o'clock at night in Manhattan. How peaceful.

Prying open my bible I began to read the Psalms. Hmm where did I leave off… oh right, Psalms 36:

An oracle is within my heart

Concerning the sinfulness of the wicked

There is no fear of God

Before his eyes.

For in his own eyes he flatters himself

Too much to detect or hate his sin.

The words of his mouth are wicked and deceitful;

He has ceased to be wise and do good.

Even on his bed he plots evil;

He commits himself to a sinful course and does not reject what is wrong.

A chill went down my spine, but I wasn't cold. The passage I just read wasn't helping at all. Suddenly it seemed too quiet, too dark… As if trying to prove me right, the lamp above me cut out again. I could barely see my hand in front of my face through the diffused spark of the moon.

Listening carefully to my surroundings I thought myself to be alone, but then I heard it. I held my breath to make sure, never taking my eyes of the word evil in the book lying upon my lap. The sounds of air rushing in and out of lungs filled the silence, except… it wasn't me breathing. My head snapped up at the sound of a twig snapping.

"Hello poppet," said the dark figure smiling devilishly in front of my wide eyes…

* * *

_Alice's POV_

I ran into the room where my father, brother, and future-sister-in-law were still reading their books. Jasper was by my side immediately begging me to tell him what was wrong, Emmett and Rosalie right behind him.

"E-Edward," I breathed frozen. His head shot up, searching my mind for the trouble. I was unable to speak and had never been more appreciative of his power than right now.

"Stacy, corner of 110th and 5th in central park," he said coolly, explaining the trouble to the rest of the family.

"Let's go," Carlisle ordered immediately. We all dashed out of the room, Edward carrying Bella so as to not slow us down. No, we never liked Mrs. Nutcracker, and yes she was an idiotic pain, but that doesn't mean anything she could ever do would turn us into killers. If we ignored my vision, then it would be just as bad as if we drained her blood ourselves.

* * *

**There you go people! Hope you liked it! I decided to change it up a bit… add some blood curdling suspense!! Don't worry, my story will still have some laughs… but I hope you liked the switch for now!!**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!**

**--Edwardluvr22**


	11. Prank A Nut Pt 1

**ACK!! NOOOOOOO!! One of my readers mentioned me loosing my touch!! That is like Stephenie Meyer breaking her hand and being told she can never write again!! Oh the horror!! Okay guys; hold onto your seats cause I am bringing funny back!! LOL hopefully… review and let me know if this chap is better… and it may be a little rough cause my editor was being lazy and didn't want to edit it… ack! LOL**

**Disclaimer: NO**

* * *

_Kung Fu Nutty's POV_

"Excuse me! How dare you call me by such a degrading name!" I screamed at him. What is wrong with the world these days? EVIL!

The annoying street light above me flickered back on, however temporary. The light bulb changers were not doing their job sufficiently, lazy bums.

"I'll call you whatever I want lady," he growled back. How rude! My sight restored with the light, I glanced over this unsuspected visitor. He looked to be in his early twenties, dirty as a horse, and wearing clothes that were so large they literally were falling off of him. He stood their legs spread wide just to keep his pants above his knees.

"Do not take that tone with me young man, and pull up your pants!" My voice was demanding as I glared at this street rat.

"Look here, I wants your money or I'll be killing you missy," he slurred pulling out one of the most offensive machines I have ever seen. And his grammar was atrocious!

"It's 'I would like your money or else I will kill you'. Are you dressing like a blind man and failing English!? What has the world come to? Now put that thing away before you hurt someone."

"Give me your money!" His patience was growing thin, and as if to make his point, he shot a tree to my left.

"HEAVENS! Evil humans are already killing enough trees and you have to go and shoot one! Little boys like you, or anyone else for that matter, should not posses one of those foul killers! When was the last time you read through your bible? EVIL! You do know you are going to rot in hell right? BURNING FOREVER! Do you want that? Huh, do you?" This boy had no idea what he was getting into.

"You h-have two seconds to hand over your money," his face was panicked and he obviously was not comfortable with the situation.

"Didn't your mother teach you better! The thought of…"

"Don't you talk about my mother!"

"She must be a horrible example if she allows you to run around with a gun at night. It isn't safe! What if you shot yourself in the foot?"

"Damn it lady! I will shoot you!" That's it, I thought in fury. I was only barely aware of people approaching form behind.

"YOU WILL RESPECT ME! NOW PUT DOWN THE GUN AND PULL UP YOUR PANTS!" He was frozen silent for a minute before he turned the gun towards me. Wrong choice.

I swivel-kicked the gun out of his hands, watching it slide across the sidewalk. Then, taking advantage of his shock, I kneed him in the stomach and kicked his feet out from under him.

"Holy shit," he breathed as his face crashed into the concrete. I pinned him to the ground with him arms twisted behind his back. Luckily, I had worn a pair of pants otherwise I would have had to let him shoot me so that I didn't risk being immodest. Once I was sure I had him pinned nice and tight, I looked down to his face.

"Get the hell off me woman!" He bellowed trying to wriggle his way free, although his attempts were futile.

"Now, what is your name?" I demanded glaring at the evil boy.

"J-Jaquan…" he stuttered looking at me as if I were crazy.

"I told you to pull up your pants and put the gun down, but you had to be disrespectful," my voice was condescending, reprimanding his actions.

"Fine just get off me lady," he ceased his wiggling looking highly pissed off.

"Excuse me?" My eyebrows rose daringly at him.

"I mean ma'am."

"Better, now go home to your mother and tell her you're are sorry for being a rotten son. Then apologize to God, going to church every Sunday. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yeah, sure," he mumbled sarcastically. I don't think so. If he wanted to be evil, then he would have to pay the costs. Quickly, I located a certain pressure point, successfully knocking him out cold. Straightening up, I turned around to face the whole Cullen family starring at me as if I were insane. Bella was clinging tightly to Edward's back, piggyback style. All of them looked slightly disheveled, their hair messy as if windblown. Suddenly everything clicked into place as I assessed their appearances. I wasn't stupid and figured out their little secret immediately.

"Oh my Lord!" I exclaimed my eyes widening in shock, swiftly turning into pure rage. How many children did I have to discipline tonight?

"You are all EVIL! I cannot believe this! Actually the sad part is I can!" my voice was high pitched in hysteria. They very thought…

Carlisle was the first to regain composure and shut his gapping mouth, "What are you…"

"I know why you're here! Playing innocent pretending to go shopping! Oh my! You ditched the cameramen and snuck out to this park to be evil!" My discovery was both disturbing and infuriating. They could never fool me. I knew they had snuck out to this deserted corner of the park to… to… to do evil things that teenagers found pleasing! SIN!! On top of that, Carlisle was with them as if a chaperone would make their actions any better. How disgraceful!

"Yes, that's exactly why we are out in the park at night Nutty," Edward replied with a roll of his eyes, "Our sole purpose was to fool around with each other with our father watching. Sounds so very fun and tempting." My intelligence allowed me to realize that his sarcasm was just a cover up because he knew he had been caught red handed. Those scandalous evildoers!

* * *

_Bella's POV_

I was only slightly aware of what was going on when we left the club. Mrs. Nutcracker had done something stupid and gotten herself in some trouble and we, well my supernatural vampire family, were going to save her. Well, that's what we had thought at first.

When we reached the secluded section of Central Park where Alice had seen Stacy, we didn't find her with a bullet hole in her head or anything close. She was yelling at a terrifying looking gangster. She was definitely insane. If we were stunned by her reaction, we almost died (if vampires could) of disbelief when she pinned him to the ground and then knocked him out with some fancy pressure point. Wow, this woman can sure kick ass when she wants to.

Apparently she thought we were not here for her, instead to fool around. Yeah right, I wish… I mean how silly. Truth is, Edward would never allow something so "animalistic", although I thought it would be kind of hot… Anyway Emmett was still slack jawed at what we had stumbled upon.

"Oh my God. Did Mrs. Nutcracker, the nuttiest Nutter Butter alive, just crack a nutcase?" Emmett breathed still surprised.

"I believe she did," came Jasper's equally shocked reply.

"Well hot diggidy dog!! You go girl!" Emmett's comment caused some small chuckles, except for Nutty who had her nose in their air all high and mighty. That's Stacy for you.

"Umm… well I think we should get back to the hotel then," Carlisle reasoned not quite sure how to handle the situation. We did just that, leaving behind the mugger to catch some Zs. Jasper quickly grabbed his gun though just in case he decided to take out his embarrassment on some unfortunate human walking the park in the morning.

The next day was full of more shopping and sightseeing. This time, Nutty was forced to come with us to avoid any more mishaps.

Eventually it was time to go home, and by the time I was back at the Cullen house and well rested, it was Friday morning. Great, this was the last day of freedom. Tomorrow would be the day Mrs. Nutcracker got the rights to bossing everyone around. Oh joy.

"So Alice what is the agenda for today?" I asked over breakfast. Nutty was still upstairs doing who knows what. Everyone else, with the exception of Carlisle who was working today, was lounging around the kitchen picking at plates of human food without really eating it.

"Well as you all know, today is our last day of freedom," at this a chorus of depressed moans rang out into the morning air," I know, and I was thinking we should go out with a bang. If this is the last day of no rules, then I say we make the most of it." Her declaration caught the attention of everyone in the room. It sounded like an excellent idea.

Emmett grinned devilishly at the possibilities, "What did you have in mind dear sister?"

"Definitely the theme park," she squealed clapping her hands. Oh boy, I thought dreadfully on the many rides they would drag my butt on.

"SWEET! I LOVE ROLLARCOASTERS!" Emmett boomed looking just as excited as Alice, " Hear that Rosie! Theme Park!" He picked her up off the ground in an uncomfortable looking bear hug.

"Put me down idiot, of course I heard. I'm not bloody deaf," she hissed glaring at her possibly mentally incapacitated husband.

"Great! Go get ready, we leave in half an hour," Alice danced out to the kitchen. I followed Edward up to his room… our room, I smiled at the thought… to go prepare for today's adventure.

--

"But I wana drive!" Edward whined for the hundredth time since I told him we would be riding with Emmett and Rosalie in the Jeep. So far all my excuses had not convinced him leading me to take another approach.

"No you don't," I looked him dead in the eyes.

"Yes, I do."

"Nah Ah."

"And why not?"

"Because if you drove, you would have to pay attention to the road."

"And?" He questioned clearly not seeing where I was going with this.

"Well I thought you might want to look at something more interesting for the drive… like maybe me…" okay I actually just wanted to ride with Emmet so that I wouldn't get stuck in the same car as Nutty. This way Jasper and Alice would be stuck with her.

"Fine," he admitted to defeat slipping on another one of the outfits Alice prepared for him. By now he realized the pointlessness in arguing with her, so he just did as asked. Today she had him in a pair of form fitting blue jeans and a red shirt that said "Dedicated Life Guard…" on the front and then on the back it read "Professional at mouth to mouth". Hmm, maybe I could get him to put his shirt to good use…

"Let's roll people!" Alice called as we piled into the two cars. I was a bit skeptical of the roller coasters, but I was still excited for the day ahead of me. My future siblings could turn any day into a hilarious riot.

We had been cruising down the road for about ten minutes when a song that apparently Emmett was very fond of came on. Previously I hated the song, but when Emmett started to sing it, I swear I died and came back to life from laughter.

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie wooorld!

Life is plastic

It's fantastic

You can brush my hair

Undress me everywhere

Imagination

Life is you creation

He sang in a high, just sucked a helium balloon, voice shaking his hips as best he could behind the wheel. Halfway through, Edward joined in just for the heck of it.

I a blonde little girl in the fantasy world

Dress me up, make me shine

I'm your dolly

You're my doll, rock and roll

Feel the glamour and fame

Kiss me here, touch me there

Hanky Panky

Then Emmett took over again.

You can touch

You can play

If you say, I'm always yours

Ooowo

I'm a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world

Life is plastic

Its' fantastic

You can brush my hair

Undress me everywhere

Imagination

Life is your creation

Both

Come on Barbie, Let's go party

Ah Ah Ah yeah

Come on Barbie, Let's go party

Ooowo Ooowo

Come on Barbie, Let's go party

Ah Ah Ah yeah

Come on Barbie, Let's go party

Ooowo Ooowo

Edward

Make me walk, make me talk

Do whatever you please

I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees

Emmett

Come jump in

Be my friend

Let us do it again

Pick a town, fool around

Let's go party

Both

You can touch, you can play

If you say I'm always yours

By now, Rosalie and me were both hunched over laughing so hard we could hardly breathe. This of course only spurred the guys on further as they finished the song.

Oh I'm having so much fun!

Well Barbie, we're just getting started

Oh I love you Ken

They were both imitating the high-pitched Barbie voice to match the part. It was classic.

"Oh I love you Ken!" I squealed mockingly blinking my eyelashes overly flirtatious at Edward sending out another round of laughter. We continued to sing ridiculous songs with the radio until we finally made it to the amusement park.

"Fun ride?" Alice asked knowingly, winking at us before heading over to purchase tickets.

Once we made our way through the ticket turn stands, I looked around at my surroundings in both amusement and horror. There was no way in heck I was getting on those rides. Well, at least not as long as I was still human.

We were yet undecided as to where we wanted to go, so we just started to walk in a general direction seeing what struck our appeal with Nutty trailing behind in her usual 'everything is evil and will burn in hell' mood. Only a few short minutes of excitement passed before I heard two all too familiar squeals.

Standing in front of us was none other than Jessica and Lauren, both giggling and openly starring at Edward. The cameras following us around only increased their interest. I had expected them to approach us, but instead they just walked past staring and giggling. Okay? Maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. HA, right!

A few minutes later, we walked past them… again. They had come from the same direction as before except now they had about five other girls with them. I was even more confused when they just walked past us without saying anything to us just as before. The whispered amongst themselves, meanwhile training their skimpy eyes on my man.

Unsurprisingly, not more than two minutes later we were walking by the same group of girls, except one of the ones I didn't know was carrying a water bottle. When they saw us coming, she quickly downed half of the water bottle before leaping in front of Edward on the ground with her hands on her throat. She started to thrash around making choking noises while her friends screamed in panic. Well, they attempted to but it was so fake that I almost pitied them. At first I thought they were insane, and this new girl must be having some kind of seizure when I remembered Edward's shirt. Damn it!

"Oh Mr. Dedicated Life Guard! Help! Help! Natalie is drowning! Oh no! Use your mouth to mouth skills Mr. Dedicated!" Another unknown girl wailed in an extremely annoying, nasally voice. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were all doubled over in laughter while Edward stared wide-eyed obviously not knowing what to do.

"I... uhh… I'm off duty," he mumbled before grabbing my hand and running in the opposite direction. We stopped in front of one of those rip off restaurants you find in theme parks where they charge like a hundred dollars for a small cup of pop.

"Oh Edward! Save her!" Emmett mocked between laughs.

"Don't let her drown!" Jasper remarked with a feigned look of horror.

"Shut up! You can't drown on land idiots!" Edward growled, half hiding behind me in case the group of girls decided to follow us.

Alice's laughs died off, a plotting look taking over her face, "What do you guys say to having a bit of fun with old Nutter butter over there?" She glanced over her shoulder towards Nutty who was currently mumbling to herself glaring at any innocent people that passed by.

"I say let us in on your little scheme right away," I claimed rubbing my hands together evilly. What? A bit of harmless fun was okay once in a while right? Who was I kidding, I had just been hanging out with Emmett and Alice way too much.

"Let's make a bet. Whoever can prank Nutty the best before the day is up wins! Hmmm… and let's make the losers… oh I got it! The losers get to ride with Nutty on the way back, especially torturous after she is thoroughly pissed form the pranks!" Alice's idea was both brilliant and would definitely be entertaining.

"Boys versus girls!" I added inching closer to my soon-to-be sisters. If I planned on winning, my best bet was with them. They were geniuses when it came to payback or pranks.

"But I want you on my team Bella," Edward looked at me with that heartbreaking pout of his.

"Stop it Edward, it's girls versus idiots whether you like it or not!" Rosalie and I giggled at her choice of words; "Each team only gets one chance so you better make it good."

"Oh it's going to be like that huh! You're on ladies!" Emmett bellowed puffing out his chest proudly. Jasper and Edward nodded in agreement eyeing us with the daring look of competition. I was about to take off with the girls to plan something when Emmett's eyes lit up and I swear I saw a light bulb flick on above his head.

"I got it guys! We are so going to win!" He ran into the rip off restaurant next to us, emerging a few minutes later with a tray of French fries and one hand behind his back. What in the heck was he doing now?

"Emmett," Edward's voice was slow and demanding," What are you doing? He keeps repeating how awesome his idea is, so I have no idea what he's planning!" He turned to Jasper, eyes alarmed. His emotion-controlling brother was too sidetracked by the overwhelming excitement and eagerness coming from Emmett that it was leaking out to all of us.

"Yo Nut Terminator! I have something for ya!" He hollered in her direction.

"Nut Terminator?" I questioned wondering where in the heck her got this new nickname.

"Yeah well she is a Nut cracker, you know like she cracks nuts. I think terminator sounds better than cracker." Somehow his logic made perfect sense to his crazy mind, whilst to everyone else he was just plain silly and weird.

"What are you yelling about? It's something evil isn't it!" Nutty stalked over to Emmett trying to look in charge and intimidating, but her 5'4'' stature compared to the giant that was Emmett made her look small and inadequate.

"Aww come on Nuttzo, you know you like me!" He swung his arm over her shoulder with one of his goofy grins spread across his face.

"Do. Not. TOUCH ME! EVIL! I HAVE BEEN TOUCHED BY EVIL! AHH! WHERE'S MY HOLY WATER!" She screamed gaining the attention of those around us. Geez she was so overly dramatic and annoying.

"Calm down Nuthead! I just wanted to give you these here fries!"

"You poisoned them! You are trying to kill me!"

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did!"

"Nah Uhh"

"Yeah huh!"

"Look, I just thought you might want some nice French fries. I'm told that these here fries were blessed by the pope," his face was totally serious, but I could see the mirth glowing in his eyes. Where did he come up with this stuff?

"Really? The pope? Well, then I guess its okay," her reasoning was perfectly ludicrous, but that's Nutty for ya. She took the tray of fries from him eyeing it warily.

'Oh wait! Don't forget your pope praising salt!" Emmett withdrew a classic saltshaker from behind his back that he must have "borrowed" from the restaurant.

"Oh thanks…"

"NOOO! DON"T!" Edward cried at the last minute finally realizing what was about to happen. He was too late.

Nuttzo tipped the salt shaker over her fries watching as the loose metal cap detached from the glass container allowing the salt to flow freely over the fries forming a little white mountain. We all just stared at Emmett as he burst out laughing.

"She… She got salt everywhere! N-Now her fries are ruined!" He cried hysterically clutching his stomach, laughter pouring out of him as if this were the most hilarious thing he had ever seen, "Classic! Ahhhhh… I so won this bet."

"Oh. My. God." Edward and Jasper growled at the same time glaring at their brother. Nutty simply shrugged her shoulders, threw away the too salty fries, and continued to glare at people for no apparent reason.

Emmett finally noticed he was the only one laughing, "Aw come on guys! That was great! I have always wanted to do that prank but since we don't really eat food I never had the chance! This was better than I thought! Did you see the cap just fall off like that? It was so cool!"

"Emmett," Jasper continued to glower, "Do you realize you just wasted our chance to prank her?"

"What do you mean waist? That prank couldn't have worked any better!"

"NO YOU BLUNDERING SORRY EXCUSE FOR A FREAKING SIBLING! THAT WAS THE LAMEST PRANK I HAVE EVER SEEN AND NOW WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHANCE AT WINNING! Alls the girls would have to do to beat us is freaking tie her shoelaces together or something! Damn it!" We all stared at Jasper in surprise. He never lost his cool, with minimal exceptions to which I had never witnessed. I guess he really did not like the idea of ridding home with Nutty. I wondered what had happened on the drive up here?

"But that prank was sweet!"

"No Emmet, no it wasn't," Edward sighed angrily.

"I think that was a great idea Emmet!" Rosalie purred in his ear with a huge smile on her face.

"See! Rose thought it was a great prank!" Emmett scoffed crossing his arms in defiance.

"No, I thought it was great of you to sabotage your team so bad that the only way us girls would loose would be by forfeit, which will never happen."

Emmett simply rolled his eyes mumbling something about how "we were no fun" and "wouldn't know a good prank if it slapped us in the face."

* * *

_Esme's POV_

"Only one more day!" Lisa squealed energetically. By now I had almost managed to break them fully out of their perfect little girl shells. True, I still had to abide by Nutty, as I have come to find out is her new nickname with my family, and her insane rules. That, though, would all change tomorrow. I couldn't wait to discard the chains that hold these darling girls in cruel imprisonment and let them be free to stretch their wings.

"Yes little one, tomorrow we dump the rules," I smiled encouragingly at the both of them.

Jena's eyes grew big in wonder, "All of them?" Was it really that unexpected? They were wonderful young ladies; I expected them to know how to behave themselves with out stupid restraints.

"Unless of course you like them?"

"NO! I-I mean I would love to see what you feel is proper parenting," Jenna's eyes dropped to the floor in embarrassment.

"Nice save," my laughter eased her up a bit, "Yes, it will be a fun day tomorrow, but right now I believe you have bible study."

"Yes, of course." They answered before scurrying off to collect their materials. I found it so cute how they would sometimes complete each other's sentences or talk at the same time. It's like thy have a deeper connection unshared by normal siblings. The mystery of twins.

So far I have come to find out that Lisa is the brain of the two, while Jena is more creative. They even each other out perfectly, although Jena sometimes jokes that she only got a third of the brain when they split. I didn't think this true at all, for they were both bright girls just strong in different areas. It made sense.

"Okay everyone in," I slide into the family vehicle to take them to their study. I rarely drove at home, what with five crazy kids driving ten times the speed limit. I too had a thing for speed, but I would never give in to my desires while with these girls… okay so maybe next week…

I pulled up to a red light preparing to make a left when I caught sight of a dairy queen on the right hand side of a grocery parking lot. Hmm…

Carefully I maneuvered the car into the right turning lane.

"Mrs. Cullen, I think you are going the wrong way," came Lisa's timid voice from the backseat. I didn't reply. There was no line in the drive through, and we were still kind of early for the bible study, so I decided to make a detour. No harm right? The car slide easily up to the little ordering box.

"What would you girls like?"

They both gasped in shock simultaneously. "I uhh… I don't know. I have never had ice cream," Jena admitted while her sister nodded in agreement. Wow, these children were truly deprived. Even I remembered from my past life the joy of the cool substance on a hot day running down my throat like heaven on earth.

"Can I have two swirl cones please?" I spoke loud enough for the speaker man to hear.

"Coming right up."

"Thank you!" Jena smiled at me.

"Very much!" Added her sister. Two peas in a pod. I handed them their treats with a welcome, finally heading toward their scheduled date with a bible and a few perfect little rich girls.

"Yum!"

"Delicious!" Came their satisfied commentary as they politely ate their ice creams. Tomorrow, I could actually give them treats without having to hide it from the cameras and their father. The true fun would finally begin.

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**There you go!! Please tell me you at least giggled a bit! Okay well REVIEW peeps!! Next chap soon… it will finish up the last day of freedom for the Cullen house! And the… the much anticipated switch of the rules!! YAY!! LOL**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- REVIEW lots and I may be so inclined to update the next chap really soon... like in a couple days!! So hit that review button and share your thoughts!! Thanx!!**


	12. Prank A Nut Pt 2

**Here is the next part of the last day of freedom. I have some good news and bad news… but I'll get to that after you read… Please enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Nope, Nada, Nothing**

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_**Bella's POV **__**(continued…)**_

"So what's the plan?" I asked in a hushed voice pulling Alice and Rosalie to the side. The boys were too busy arguing to pay attention to our plan, not that it mattered anyway.

"I have the perfect idea! It's simple, classic, and way better than Emmett's!" Rosalie grinned devilishly at us as she explained her idea. She was right, simple but awesome. It had potential to be great, depending on Nutty's reaction. That though, knowing her, would not be a problem.

"Okay boys, what ride first?" I asked sweetly after having decided it would be best to hold off on our little stunt.

Emmett was the first to answer, "The Ultimate Plunge of Death! It looks okay and I like the name."

"What! I don't! If you didn't happen to notice sometime in the last two years that you've known me, I don't possess indestructible features like you!" He looked at me clueless, "I'm breakable."

"Geez that's all you had to say Bells. I can't keep up with your little rants."

"That wasn't a rant!"

"Was too if I zoned out after the first word… which I can't even remember because you're face was turning red and it was funny."

I rolled my eyes at him, turning to stomp toward the ride. At the moment I didn't care what it was called, as long as it let me scream without looking insane I was good. Damn did that vamp boy know how to frustrate me. Sad thing was he probably didn't even know he was doing it.

Okay I know I was overreacting… maybe I'm starting soon… anyway all that went out the window when I stepped into line.

"Hey Bella! Fancy meeting you here!" Mike gave me the most ridiculous half grin I have ever seen. It looked like he had a bad case of diarrhea, but I think… I think he was trying to be sexy. Ha! Good luck with that one buddy!

What was up with us running into everyone here? First Jessica and Lauren, and now Mike!

"Umm Hey," I looked everywhere but at him, glad to see the rest of my family step into line behind me.

"Newton," Edward growled as his way of hello. Oh this wait will be a jolly old time won't it!

"Cullen. Bella was just telling me how she wanted to sit next to me on the ride, right Bells?" Mike gave me that sick grin again and twitched his eye. Wait no; I think that was a wink. Dang he was bad at this.

"Yeah and then I told you I was a bloodsucking vampire that wanted to drain every drop of the red thick liquid in your body and then serve your corpse to a pack of ravenous werewolves! Fun conversation huh?" I smiled at him before rolling my eyes and turning to face Edward. He was coughing loudly trying to cover his laughter.

When we got off the ride I found that I actually enjoyed it. I got to scream my head off, which scared Edward pretty bad, and then the rush was amazing. I still preferred ridding on Edward's back while he ran though. Wow that makes him sound like a horse or something… Anyways…

"Bella are you sure you're okay?" My loving fiancé asked once again.

"Perfectly fine," I followed him out the exit to meet up with the gang in front of the picture booth.

"But you were screaming bloody murder!"

"Well that was a scary ride."

"No it wasn't."

"Okay so I was pretending I was screaming at Emmett."

"And suddenly everything makes sense," I laughed with him.

"Hey guys! Com check out this pic!" Emmett waved his hands over his head like an idiot even though we were only a few feet away. I came over to inspect our picture when embarrassment took over. My hair was sticking straight up and my mouth was so wide it looked as if it could swallow a cow whole. No wonder Edward was frightened.

But when I moved my eyes to the rest of the picture, I no longer felt bad for my appearance whatsoever. We all burst up laughing at Mike. He was holding on to his handlebars for dear life with tears streaming down his face! If that wasn't bad enough, he turned the corner standing right in front of us. I would have sworn he had just gotten off a water ride if I hadn't known we had both ridden the Ultimate Plunge of Death.

"Oh wow," I breathed, my face scrunching up in disgust. That was just plain nasty.

"I… umm spilled my water bottle," he mumbled trying to cover the large wet spot on the front of his jeans.

"Don't smell like water, plus you don't have a water bottle. Looks to me like you peed yourself, and just to let you know, that is the most vile thing I have ever seen." We all laughed freely while Emmett just looked at Mike with repulse. Mike ran away awkwardly still trying to cover the stain. I almost felt bad for him, key word being almost.

We all laughed our way back to Nutty. She hadn't been saying much, instead just pouting and such. I asked her if she was okay.

"No I'm not okay! This place is evil, you are evil, and I have to use the restroom!" She turned her glare on me. It wasn't that intimidating, well it was more so now that I had seen here totally beat up that gangster, but after everything I've been through, I was hardly scared.

"Bathroom huh?" Rosalie smirked, reminding me of our plan. Perfect! I winked at Rosalie and Alice, turning to distract Nutty as they took off.

"So, do you think everything is evil?" Wow, lame question.

"No evil girl, just this place, and everything about your family. The pope isn't evil, God isn't evil, and ants aren't evil."

"Why ants? I thought 'bugs were evil' and pretty much anything else that doesn't involve you," I rolled my eyes, making air quotes around the evil bugs.

"Watch your mouth! I am not self-centered if that is what you are getting at. Now I need to go to the bathroom! Why don't you people ever serve me?! I am your guest!" Yeah, she was straight up self-less.

"And the ants?"

"They are God's little workers! They hold almost twenty times their weight to bring God offerings."

"No, I'm pretty sure they are annoying thieves that steal my crumbs and hide in cracks," I mumbled. I hate ants! Just when Nutty was going to shout some lame complaint about me being evil, the girls showed up and told her which bathroom was cleanest. Psh… yeah right.

I watched, giggling slightly, as she entered the right door with the circle and lady marking it as women's. Little did she know that Rosalie might have tampered with the signs. Good thing no one else was around and in need of the restroom. We waited silently, expecting a scream or something… men yelling… Nutty going nuts and shouting the corruption of the bathroom… but there was nothing.

"Okaaay?" I said growing impatient. Alice just stood there with a huge grin on her face.

"Just wait for it." Stupid future seeing vampire. I don't like waiting.

A few minutes later I heard a loud unexpected splash, followed by a flush, creak, and a boom.

"AHHHHHHH!! EVIL!!"

I knew that scream, Nutcracker. But what was the heck was going on? We only switched the signs!

"UGH! YOU PERVERT! EVIL! YOU WILL BURN IN HELL!"

"LADY THIS IS THE MENS ROOM!" Right on cue, Rosalie switched back the signs.

"NO IT ISN'T!" The door swung open and a very drenched Nutcracker barged out followed by a park security guard. Uhh oh.

"I am going to have to escort you out of the park for breaking public property and entering the opposite gender lavatory," he attempted a stern voice, but I saw how hard it was for him to not laugh. What did he mean by breaking public property?

"What happened?" Rose demanded, covering her grin with her hand.

"Well! I was just minding my own business using the bathroom, when I fell in the toilet! Can you believe someone left the seat up! In a women's bathroom nonetheless! And then the stupid automatic toilet flushed on me sucking my hinny into the toilet! Then it exploded! Can you believe it! I should sue for an attacking toilet! It was trying to kill me! I come out to wash my hands, at least keep some modesty, and I find this man peeing in the sink! How vulgar!" She was wailing in a high-pitched voice, motioning wildly with her arms.

"Does this lady belong with you?" The security guard asked. Ugh, what was that smell? It smelled like pee and turd! EWW! OMG! I think it's Nutty!

"Nope," Alice responded one hand plugging her nose, "Never seen this woman in my life."

"What! Evil! You did this on PURPOSE! I am drenched human feces and you say you don't know me! God will punish all of you! You will rot in heeeeeeeeeell!" She shrieked as the guard dragged her flailing body away, carefully holding her reeking state away from him.

I burst into full out laughter now, falling into a heap with my sisters. I noticed the guys in the same position having witnessed the whole thing.

"Ahahahah! That was brilliant! Sh-she fell in the t-toilet! Oh my God! Nutty, destroyer of toilets!" Emmett breathed between laughs.

"Toilet Terminator!" Jasper added.

"Flush-o-matic!" Emmett returned, and they kept shooting off different nicknames to each other.

"Doomsday of dump!"

"Mrs. Pee-on-me!"

"Hinny Suction!"

"One Flush Wonder!"

"Oh I got one! Toilet-cracker!" We were all practically hyperventilating from laughing so hard.

"Falling Nuts!"

"Stop! Please! I'm dying here!" I squealed with mirth. I swear I would die of laughter before Edward even got around to changing me.

"And the best part is she reeks!" Rosalie added with an evil grin, Edward having heard her thoughts groaned in frustration.

"How is that a good thing?" Clueless, Emmett just sat there while both his brother turned to glare at him once again.

"We lost the bet idiot, now we have to drive back with her smelling like a public bathroom threw up on her!" Edward growled.

"Oh right… Well the bathroom kinda did throw up on her Eddie."

I was expecting Edward to pounce on his brother when a high-pitched squeal caught our attention. The group of girls found us… or rather Edward.

"Oh Mr. Dedicated! Wait! Don't run away!" They stared sprinting after him, and he didn't even wait to grab me before he took off. The rest of us just laughed at him as he tired to ditch the girls while still maintaining a human speed. I had to give it to them though; they were pretty fast.

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_**Jasper's POV**_

Discomfort. Anger. Frustration. And… conceited? Oh yeah, smelly, also referred to as Nutcracker, Nutty, Nutter Butter, and many others.

I sat in the front seat next to Edward silent, just as everyone else besides the drama queen herself. She was complaining nonstop, but we had all tuned her out long ago. We were all mad we lost the bet, stupid Emmett, and hadn't taken a single breath since we got in the car with her. Seriously could a human smell any worse? I doubt it.

If my annoyance was not enough, I had to deal with that of the rest of the car. Edward was by far the worst, per usual, because he was stuck with Nutty instead of with his Bella. Ugh, I wish I was with Alice right now too, but no Emmett had to be an ass.

"… Evil people who enjoy watching other people suffer! That's what you all are! What do you have to say for yourselves?" Nutty's rank broke through. If only I had an on and off button.

"Nutcracker, just shut up," I growled without even looking at her.

"Excuse me young man! Well I have never…" she continued as I lost myself in thoughts of Alice again. Hmm… she was one beautiful pixie.

_Flashback_

I walked in to the small diner unsure of my reason. It was as if I was drawn to it, like it was calling to me. Why? Maybe I was just going insane from being alone. I walked in slowly carefully scanning the customers and surroundings. Before I could fully examine the whole diner, I heard the most beautiful voice. It was soft, like that of an angel.

"Hello Jazzy," she called sweetly. Turning to face the voice, I discovered that the person was far more gorgeous than the sweet voice. Vampire. Definitely vampire. But how did she know me?

Slowly I approached her slim form, a smile growing on my face for reasons unknown to me. The emotions radiating from her small figure were yet inexperienced by me. I was accustomed to the hatred, and deceit of my former coven. This woman was so happy, the love radiating off of her in almost overwhelming amounts. I walked straight up to her, and she spoke again.

"You have kept me waiting a long time," he said quietly, staring into my eyes as if she could see straight to me soul. And I knew what she meant, although I didn't know why.

"My apologies ma'am," came my reply as I kissed her hand gently earning her bell like giggles. That's it. I was completely in love with her and there was no way I would ever let her out of my sight for all of eternity.

_End Flashback_

That was one of my favorite memories, and by the time I had relived it in my mind, we were home. Thank god.

Racing out of the car, I ran straight to the love of my life and kissed like there was no tomorrow. She understood though, she always does.

"I love you too Jasper Whitlock Hale."

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_**Esme's POV**_

Finally! Tomorrow I would change everything and give these girls the best week of their lives. I was determined, and when I set my mind to something, I always do it all out. I wonder how early I should wake them for our first day of fun… hmmm wait no maybe I could start by letting them sleep in…

I had just sent the sweet darlings off to bed, sitting in the living room quietly planning for their week of no rules. I wasn't alone for long, however, as John approached me with a serious look on his face.

"I don't appreciate what you have been doing to my daughters," he said sternly. I was utterly confused to his meaning seeing that I was no mind reader like my dear son.

"Excuse me?"

"I know you have been bypassing the rules and doing stuff for them all week!" He was angry that I was being kind to his children? Wow.

"Well I'm sorry if it is difficult for me to watch them suffer," came my sarcastic reply. I wasn't normally so forward but I was upset.

"Either way, you cheated so there has been a change in the schedule," he stared at me harshly, something I was not used to. It only angered me further.

"What do you mean?"

"The director has approved the extension of the normal rules since you so blatantly disrespected them. The new rules won't start until Monday." I couldn't have heard him correctly. He wants to postpone the switch! I cannot let this happen!

"You can't do that! I am supposed to get a full week with them my way! That is entirely unfair! The poor girls would be so disappointed! Besides, I was never caught on camera so what does it matter?" This was so wrong.

"I can do that, and I will. These girls need discipline more than fun Mrs. Cullen. And just because you weren't caught on camera doesn't mean you weren't caught. It is final. No change until Monday." With that he left the room seemingly smug.

How could they do this? Now I won't have as much time to show them how to really live! Oh what if they are upset with me for cheating them out of two days? This is horrible. Stupid Nutcracker parents, stupid producer, stupid rules! I crossed my arms and huffed in angry. I will not put up with this. I will give these girls the fun they so deserve if I have to bite ten people to do it!

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**Okay readers! Hope you liked it… I don't really know why I added a Jasper POV, I was bored I guess. And by the way I don't have my book cause I am lending it to a friend, so if their meeting wasn't exactly right please don't kill me. I wrote it out of pure memory.**

**Huh, now onto the good/bad news I warned you about. Well the good news is that you got another chapter!! Yay!! Even if it is crappy cause I didn't even have it edited or reread it… and now the bad news. Well between school and tennis, I just don't have a lot of extra time and my chapters have been suffering because of it. I would rather give you perfect, hilarious chaps rather than half-ass quickies… so I am officially putting this story on hiatus until I have more free time. I know you are probably upset, but I just can't do this right now. I hope you understand. I am not just giving up on it though; I will be finishing it eventually… just not anytime soon. I am really really sorry guys… I hope you don't hate me too much right now. **

**Review if you want, though I don't really deserve it right now :(**

**Again Really sorry**

**-Edwardluvr22**


	13. Nutty's Firey Rules

**Hey guys!! Long time no see!! Soooo I'm not totally back yet but I had a bit of free time and thought I'd give you guys another chap as a Thanksgiving present!! So here it is!! I hope you like it…. And drop a review if you so please!! It would be much appreciated!! :P Mind you, I haven't written in awhile so this may suck, sorry!**

**P.S.- What did you think of the Twilight movie? Have you seen it? I didn't like it that much… poor acting… but Carlisle is a hottie!!! Teehee :D Go vote on my profile!!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, not even the Twilight movie (Thank God) ^_^**

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_Chapter 13: Alice's POV_

At exactly seven AM I danced downstairs with a smile on my face, Jasper's hand gripping mine tightly. I had just spent another blissfully silent night with my husband simply talking or staring at each other. He was the most perfect man alive… well for me at least.

"Jazzy, Mrs. Nutcracker is going to kill all our fun! I already saw it… too many rules to even lift a finger and we will have to play eat at every meal!" My words were quick, silent to the human ear, though none were around quite yet. I pouted naturally, earning a sweet kiss.

"Nothing could be boring with you around my lady." I giggled as he bowed with a wink before disappearing upstairs to gather the group. He knew, thanks to me of course, that Nutty would be down any minute to reveal her parenting plan, one that I was only too familiar with.

This simply wouldn't do! A whole week not being able to do whatever we want will be so very different. What if I cannot shop everyday! No, she wouldn't do that… I think. Making my way toward the dinning room table I thought over the last week in contemplation. From having Edward act as a cross dresser, and the gayness I forced on the family, I couldn't help but laugh. So maybe it was not a requirement and I just thought it would be fun; my family would never do this and it was just too hilarious!

"You are a conniving evil little pixie aren't you?" Edward walked in with a scowl on his face having heard my thoughts, but I knew he wasn't really mad. How could he with Bella holding onto him so tightly? She was his daybreak in any turbulent storm.

'_I will take that as a compliment'_ I thought as the rest of the family sat around the table.

"I must admit, you're schemes are always well thought out and highly entertaining… most of the time."

'Why thank you dear brother! You do make a great cross-dresser'

"About that, do it again and you will suddenly find all you clothes and shoes in a pile of ashes," he grinned daringly at me.

'You wouldn't!'

"Oh but I would." With that he ended our somewhat private conversation. I would never let him get to my clothes anyway because I could see him planning it, so there. I was still nervous though, okay no more cross-dressing Edward.

The Nutcracker herself decided to walk in, wearing her usual business like attire, though now with a menacing grin on her face. The boring straight brown skirt and square jacket were the ugliest pieces of clothing I have ever seen, if you could even call them that; and her bun was too perfect, scarily so.

"Good morning Cullen family. As you well know, it is now my time to teach you the proper ways in which you shall act without any interference. Just splendid is it not?" She meant that as a rhetorical question, but of course Emmett will be Emmett.

"No, it's not splendid in the least Nutter Butter with a side of crackers."

Rosalie smacked him upside the head, "Emmett, shut up that was lame."

"Oww but baby I am not lame!"

"Enough! It is MY time so stop it now!" Umm did she actually just stomp her foot? Wow. I snickered as I caught a glimpse of two grey hairs tucked neatly in her hair. So this family was stressing her out that much huh? Her hands were on her hips and her face red. Blushing did not suit her as it did Bella, making her look like a bruised tomato.

"Now to begin. There will be no more foolish pranks, no more inappropriate behavior, which includes cross-dressing, relationships with the same gender…" and on she went for about an hour. Had we been able, I am sure we would all have fallen asleep by now. I did notice Bella zone out a couple of times which was funny cause Edward would panic not knowing whether to wake her up or let his precious angel sleep.

No one was paying attention, though I knew she would catch them all of guard in five… four… three… two… one…

"… We will be having family dinners each night and finally you all will be attending church tomorrow morning! Oh and I just had a great idea! Since we are going as a family, we will coordinate our clothes! Boys, I want blue suits, and you girls are to wear business suits just like mine! Alice dear, your hair is a bit short for the classic bun, so you may just slick it back." I am afraid my vampire ears have finally failed me. There is no possible way that she just said that I, Mary Alice Brandon Cullen, will be wearing a… a BUISNESS SUIT!!! Gasp! That is worse than a hundred malls bursting into invincible flames in tens seconds flat right before I bought a pair of perfectly cute shoes! Nooooooooooooo!

"I WILL NOT wear the same thing as you Nutty. That is simply against all fashion laws out there!" I was furious, and not even Jasper was able to calm me down. Why hadn't I seen this!?

"Denial is not just a river in Egypt Alice," Edward smirked at me fully knowing my inner turmoil. Oh right… I did see this but refused to accept it as truth. Geez, Edward didn't need to be such a smart ass though.

"Shorty," he growled, as we play glared at each other.

"Yes you will young lady, I am in charge. Also, you are to refer to me as Instructor N from now on. No more of those pitiful pet names by which you people have grown accustomed."

Rosalie stood up slowly, her most hateful glare focused on "Instructor N". As expected, Nutty shrank back into her seat in pure fright. I swear I saw Rose would attack her right in front of all these cameras, had it not been for Emmett holding her back.

"Rosalie Hale! Calm down right now," Carlisle's voice rang with the utmost authority, forcing Rosalie to settle immediately. It was rare if at all that he used his status as head of this family to force one of us into submission.

"Alright, well onto the next matter of business shall we? I have made a new housing arrangement that would be more suitable for…"

"What do you mean?" Emmett interrupted scooting closer to Rosalie. Ha! He was going to have the hardest time with this! Mr. Addicted to Seduction. Looks like Edward won't be the only one frustrated over the next few days…

"Do not raise your voice or interrupt me Mr. Emmett." Her voice was hard, as if she were trying to imitate Carlisle's dominating presence, as hopeless as that was. She sat there staring at Emmett with a raised eyebrow for about a minute before he finally caught on.

"Yes Instructor N," he sneered looking almost as pissed as his wife. Nutty just has this way of pissing everyone off, even if you seemed immune to petty actions like hers. Come on, even that goofball was angry.

"So, Rosalie will be moving in with Alice, and Jasper with Emmett. Isabella will no longer be allowed to stay in Edward's room, so I think it be best if she slept at her own house." This was one argument I was not going to let her win, and neither was Edward.

In a calm emotionless voice, Edward spoke: "No, Bella will remain with this family as she is just as much a member as I. You do not have the authority to kick any member out of this house." Bella's face had now regained most of its color as she calmed down. We would never make her leave; she should know that.

"Yes, Bella can stay in one of our many extra bedrooms. There is no need to send her away," I added fully knowing Edward would be sneaking into her room every night anyway.

"Fine, but you must all report to your room promptly at 9 and not a second later. I will also be doing room checks to make sure the rules are being followed."

"Okay we get it, now we are done, correct?" I knew she wanted to give another speech about her being in charge and how we were to obey her every word, of that I was well aware and would rather not see Rosalie blow up yet again.

Nutty, accepting defeat, or at least no more wins for the time being, acquiesced allotting us our restrained freedom. With a heavy sigh, I went to collect some decent outfits for the girls and I that were wearable while still under the confines of the ever-strict Nutcracker.

"Rosalie, I need your help. Operation fashionize the ugly in now underway," I sighed once the three hideous outfits were laid out in front of me on my bed. The guys chuckled at my stern expression as they walked past my room, but this was in no way a laughing matter. With a few minutes of trial and error, all in my head of course, I saw the best possible outcome and set to work. Not something you would usually find, these new and improved outfits could still be considered acceptable for church. Well, that is if you stretched the limits just a tad… but hey, I am not one for limits anyway.

Rosalie and I stood both in front of my artwork examining the final product. Grateful she would not look like a total grandma tomorrow morning, Rose let out a deep relieved breath, "Alice you're a genius." I don't think Bella would care much though, seeing as she has the fashion sense of a blind person.

* * *

Awkward. I didn't need Jasper's gift to notice. Everyone just sat there staring at Nutty with incredulous looks. She was actually making us eat dinner as a family, which meant that everyone had to eat… for real. I tried hard not to gag at the very thought of placing that atrocious lump of something in my mouth. Nasty.

"All right everyone, bow your heads in prayer," Nutty ordered. She is enjoying her newly acquired power way too much. All day she has been ordering us around like dogs just because she could. It has been ridiculous, making everyone especially bitter at the moment. Even sweet Bella was annoyed to the point of no return having her alone time with Edward minimized to an absolute zero.

Earlier she made me dust the entire house, already spotless by the way, with a feather! Apparently it was a parenting tool to teach patience and attention to minute detail. Hell, living with this lady has given me more freaking patience than Gandhi! If that wasn't annoying enough, I couldn't even speed it up a bit because of the cameras surrounding me intent on capturing "my mental transformation into an obedient child." What a load of cheap shoes.

As usual she waited for our anticipated reply, "Yes Instructor N." As she requested we bowed our heads simply to raise them again while rolling our eyes once she was fully into her prayer. She sat there mumbling for about ten minutes, no hyperbole, only making our sentence that much more trying with that food staring at us. I was not sure whether we were supposed to eat it, or if it wanted to eat us.

On a whim, Emmett reached across the table and grabbed the platter full of supposedly eatable muck and chucked it out the window. It landed with a soft thud in Esme's garden. Hmm… I wonder if that will fertilize or kill her precious plants. He better hope for the later. The entire table burst into silent giggles trying not to alert Nutty's attention, as she was still in prayer.

"Amen. Now each of you fill your plates, especially you Alice. You are way too skinny for my liking," she gave me a disapproving look before reaching for the "food".

Upon realizing her dish had magically disappeared, she shrieked in utter bewilderment, "Where is my casserole!" We all played along giving her equally confused looks.

"I don't know Instructor N? It was here when a minute ago," I said in my best innocent voice, which is very convincing I might add.

"Yeah well what did you do with it!" I giggled into my hand as she searched frantically for her missing dish, especially when she started looking under the table.

Emmett burst out into open laughter then, all of us following along. Both Edward and I saw his idea and laughed even harder.

"Hey Jasper?"

"Yeah Emmett?"

"Who stole the casserole from the Nut-crack-er?"

"Not me," Jasper replied back understanding too while everyone else continued to laugh. It was totally Emmett to bring back a revised version of that old childish song about stealing cookies form the cookie jar.

"Yes you!"

"Couldn't be!"

"Then who?"

"Edward stole the Casserole from the Nut-crack-er!" Jasper continued. Before Bella, Edward probably would have ignored us but now…

"Not me!"

"Yes you!"

"Couldn't be!"

"Then who?"

"The Whipping Man stole it!" Emmett bellowed pointing at the empty spot on the table where the offensive casserole once sat.

"What!? How could he have gotten in here so fast? Camera man, did you see the whipping man?" Nutty yelled franticly. I gave Jasper a meaningful look; he made the man feel an overwhelming desire to confirm Nutty's fear.

"Yes! He came and took your casserole and he… he…"

With wide eyes starring at the camera guy, she whispered desperately, "Spit it out!"

"He told me that you were going to be punished very soon!" This guy was good! I winked at him, seeing his returning devilish smile. So he was definitely in on this. Sweet!

"Nooooo! Church! Bright and early tomorrow! We will purge ourselves of this evil!" Turning, she dashed from the room in a mad hurry. With my heightened senses, I could hear her lock click into place.

"Woo Hoo! Good job man!" Jasper high-fived Emmett as we all got up from the table.

He chuckled, "Hey, what can I say? It's my job!"

"And you will be very good at it of it tomorrow morning." My guarantee made everyone a bit more chipper. At least we could look forward to some entertainment.

Later once we had all been forced to head up to our separate rooms, Rosalie confronted me. "Alice, why did you do this to us? I cannot take a whole week of this!" She hissed at me as we dashed up the stairs. It wasn't bad at all being roomies with her, though I still missed Jazzy.

"Trust me, today is the worst of it I think. Tomorrow will be very… interesting! Besides I have a plan of course…"

She smiled down at me, "Naturally."

* * *

_Next Day (Sunday) Bella's POV_

Thanks to Alice, we were all wearing modified versions of Nutty's attire. Well, they looked nothing alike, but that is what she started with at least. Nutty was furious, but Jasper was able to make her more willing. Last night had been hard since Edward had to wait for Nutty to fall asleep before he came to me. I realized just how much I did need him, not even being able to remain calm without him there despite being separated only by a floor.

We all piled into our separate cars headed for the only church Nutcracker could find in the area. It was catholic and highly pious from what I'm told, which of course pleased the Nut. Arriving about twenty minutes early, she made us take our seats and then began lecturing us on how we were to behave as if we were five. Carlisle was slyly texting Esme, as they had come to do quite often lately. I felt so bad that this little scheme had separated them for so long; I doubt they have ever been apart for more than a couple days.

I studied my surroundings, never having been to this exact church before. The building was small, with three rows of wooden pews all leading toward a small stage, wooden as well. The entire room was decorated in gold and white, from elegant draperies to the rough cushions lining the seats. Statues, shrines, and crosses were everywhere, mostly concentrated up front next to a very withered looking organ. You could tell it was very old, but it had a certain charm; I wondered what it would sound like if Edward played it. Surrounding the backdrop of the stage area were huge golden curtains covered in a fancy spiral design twirling every which way with my eyes following each twist and curve until I grew dizzy. There was even a small pillar with holy water placed to the right of the preacher's podium.

The church was not too bad looking, but I'm sure it wasn't as grandeur as it had once been maybe thirty years ago. It was in major need of a touch up job, one it probably wouldn't get until the entire church had fallen to the ground.

"Sorry for dragging you into this love. I feel so awkward being here, it shouldn't be allowed," Edward whispered softly into me ear. Truthfully I didn't mind coming, at least it would be entertaining. I remember back when I was ten and Renee was going through another of her hobby phases. She had suddenly decided to be overly religious, getting involved with the church and dragging me along as much as possible. It lasted less than a month of course before she grew bored and switched to something else more exotic and exciting.

"Its no problem Edward, and you better not be referring to your lack of a soul when you say that you shouldn't be here."

"Of course not Bella, you have practically pounded that thought out of my head; simply that normally vampires are not known for attending church," he laughed at the irony.

"Yes well you are not normal, in either human or the vampire world."

"Very legit." He kissed my temple before turning back to the Nut and pretending to listen.

A few minutes later a big group of people walked on the little stage in what looked like graduation gowns, expect they were purple and did not come with hats.

"Joy to the world, the lord has come…" they sang out in oddly deep, then high voices. It wasn't as if my ears were bleeding, I was just not used to this kind of music. They continued to sing for a while before they changed songs and asked the congregation to join in. This made Emmett very happy, giving him the chance to bellow out a tune without being smacked by Rosalie for being annoying. His voice was clear above the rest, and purposefully off beat. He was messing everyone else up because they weren't sure which beat to follow.

Just when I thought it was over, and it was as the music had ceased, Emmett had not had his fill. He whipped a boom box out of nowhere and sprinted onto the stage, stealing a mike form the lead singer and facing the confused crowed… and then he began to rap.

Yo… yo…. Yo, yo, oy! (For my dyslexic peeps).

God's in the spot, you can like it or not

So rip the knob off the volume when you give this a shot

And raise your hands as the slam starts to thicken the plot

Openin' eyes to the lies of the enemies' lot

So run like the wind from the sin of your past

Keep your eyes on the prize when they put you on blast

It's the Christ on the cross, it's humanity's shot

It's a worldwide call to everything that we're not

(Toby Mac – The Slam)

He fell to one knee half way through totally getting into it, the crowd deciding to join the fun rather than look like a herd of deer caught in a Semi's headlight. We all laughed with our hands waving back and forth as Emmett white boy rapped it out.

"Can I get an Amen!" He shouted into the mike with a huge grin on his silly face.

"AMEN!" Screamed the old fashioned churchgoers enthusiastic it seems with the unexpected change. Nutty was fuming in her seat, arms crossed, and I swear I saw smoke pouring from her ears. She looked like a child who was sent to the corner for being naughty.

"Say Hal-le!"

"HAL-LE"

"Say Lu-iah!"

"LU-IAH!"

"Say Halle-luiah!"

"HALLELUIAH!"

"Now everybody scream!"

And what did everyone do? No, they didn't scream. They all sat back down, eyes wide making the cross with their hands about a million times. The Cullens all sat on the edge of their seats, myself included, waiting to see what would happen next.

"Ahh," a highly sarcastic and practically dead scream came from behind Emmett. He had been so into his show that he failed to notice another presence join him on the stage.

Turning around slowly, my dear almost brother came face to face with a very jaded pastor. He was looking down on Emmett, yes down because he was freakishly tall, with a reprimanding look. You couldn't pay me enough to be in Emmett's position right now.

Emmett gulped visibly before squaring his shoulders and standing proud. "Umm, that scream was pretty weak man," came his incredibly intelligent reply. The holy man just glared.

"Uhh right well, I think I was just about done. My seat is looking pretty inviting… I'll just go then," Emmett stuttered backing away slowly.

The pastor raised an eyebrow, "Good idea."

Emmett scurried back to his seat so fast it was almost inhuman, luckily though Rosalie didn't even give him a light smack satisfied with the Pastor's response to Emmett's childish behavior… though I must admit I was glad he was around to liven things up a bit.

The pastor faced the crowd and spoke, "Good morning fellow believers. After that little display, I feel it necessary to talk today about proper Christ like behavior…"

Emmett sure was something, and of course Alice had been right. Little did I know that his rapping ordeal was not the only "entertaining" aspect he would bring this morning.

As expected, this dreary monotone speaker did not spark my attention enough to remember past his first word. How all these people could intentionally come each week to endure this torture of boredom was beyond me. Imagine one of those dull computer voices droning on about how to operate and set up a new computer program that utilizes all that fancy jargon created by geeks, who's main goal is feeling smart and superior to normal people because they have no life, so you really have no idea what it is talking about anyway and then times that painful experience by ten. Or you could compare it to sitting down and actually reading that huge unnecessary novel of instructions for simple electronics like a calculator. Yes, it was that bad.

"Now, it is time to partake in communion in remembrance of our holy father and the sacrifice he made for us," his lengthy sermon ended and people began to form a line in front of him. We stayed in our seats at first not bothering to step up with the others, until of course the Nut had a fit and all but shoved us into the line.

Alice's eyes suddenly grew alarmed, "Uhh ohh, Emmett be good." It seemed like she would rather he didn't, as if something bad would happen.

"Of course Ali! Look who you're talking to?" His big grin didn't convince her, she simply crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow.

I was confused, as usual with this family, so I turned to Edward to see if he would tell me what Alice saw. When I turned toward him, he had one hand covering his mouth and the other across his stomach seemingly trying to control his laughter. What was so funny?

"Edward," I didn't have to continue, he heard the tone of my voice as questionable. Taking a deep unnecessary breath, he shook his head and just pointed at Emmett. Huh. I guess I'll find out.

Emmett was the first person in our group to reach the pastor. Wine and bread were laid out in front of him; the pastor fed each person in line.

"Hey Mr. God man!" Emmett exclaimed, resting one of his paw like hands roughly on the pastor's shoulder. I think he was just being friendly, though when everyone else had been silently participating in this holy ritual suddenly to be interrupted by his loud voice, it did not go unnoticed.

The pastor's calm face dissipated replaced by a scowl, "Please remove your hand from me young man. I am not a God man, I am a man of God."

"Right sorry, just trying to keep the peace," Emmett replied throwing his big arms up in the air. A harmless action you would think, except this was a small church with highly religious, and breakable items, and Emmett just was not small at all.

"This is bad," Alice whispered with wide eyes as we all watched what happened.

Emmett's right hand had swung just a little too wide, coming in contact with the grand statue of Mary. If that wasn't bad enough, Emmett also happens to have unparallel strength that is not always in check, thus knocking the head of the stature clear off. If I thought it was silent before, then it was deafening now. Everyone watched in horror as the head rolled slowly across the stage, hitting the pillar holding the holy water. And down that went too, except it wasn't as long before it crashed into another object, the table of candles and shrines. The lit candles went flying, landing in the pews and conveniently right under the large golden curtains I had been so entranced by before. Too bad they were flammable.

"Oops," Emmett stated surprised.

The whole church was suddenly aflame, people now running and screaming in every direction. Quickly, the fire spread from pew to pew, the curtains already fully encased in the wild colors of red, yellow, and orange. The pastor stood mouth agape apparently not having grasped the current predicament quite yet as his entire church was in chaos, slowly being destroyed. At first I thought he was going to create one of those really dramatic scenes like in Titanic where the captain goes down with the ship, but instead he turned and fled with a look of pure rage on his aging face.

Before I could study the scene any further, I was being carried out of the building in a speed that defies human ability. As Edward held me bridal style making his way to the only exit left unblocked, I heard the distant whine of fire trucks and police cars.

The whole scene was quite graphic and depressing, people screaming, flames growing larger, others mourning the loss of their cherished place of worship. Then there was my family…

"I told you to be good Emmett," Alice giggled shaking her finger at him.

"I didn't mean to! But damn it went up fast."

SMACK! "Emmett Cullen, no more setting churches on fire," Rosalie glared at him for about two seconds before laughing. Everyone else joined in while I stood their staring with the dumbest look on my face I'm sure. Edward had set me down by now.

"H-how can you guys laugh? You do realize Emmett just burned the church to the ground right?" They all heard me, but only laughed harder.

"Love, that's the very reason why we are laughing. Besides, it really is Nutty's fault for bringing a family of vampires to church," he winked at me before straightening up and looking perfectly calm. I could tell he was acting, but for whom?

"Bella? Bella! Are you all right? What are you doing here?" I spun around coming face to face with Charlie fully clad in his police uniform. I should have expected him seeing as he was one of the few cops in Forks. No more chuckles could be heard from behind me.

"I'm fine dad, no need to worry," I smiled at him to prove I was okay. It was still awkward, especially when the Nutcracker decided to join us.

"YOU ARE ALL DEVILS! BURNING DOWN A CHURCH! I-IT'S BIGGER THAN A SIN! HELL THAT'S WHERE YOU ARE ALL HEADED!" Her screaming startled Charlie so much, he almost fell over.

"You started the fire?" Charlie turned to face the Cullen's suddenly overly innocent looks.

Edward spoke up for the group, "Umm, Charlie sir, it was an accident."

"NO IT WASN'T! YOU ARE DEVILS!" Nutty screamed again taking another step closer to us; she looked as if she was just about ready to beat Emmett over the head. Edward pushed me behind him, overprotective as usual.

"Ma'am I am going to have to escort you to the police station if you do not calm down," Charlie's voice was strictly business, and shut the Nutcracker up quick. Go dad! "Now what exactly happened?"

I took charge this time, "Well Nutty, I mean Instructor N made us come to church and then Emmett accidentally knocked over the table of candles." So I didn't go into detail, but I got the gist of it.

"I see, well then you guys can…" the Nut cut him off.

"NO! That man, officer Swan, punched the head off of the statue of Mary, knocked over the holy water, and then the table of candles was sent flying, burning the church to the ground! You should arrest him for destruction of holy property!" Her voice was almost squeaky because she had worked herself up so much. Seriously, it wasn't that bad… okay so maybe it was.

"The owner and pastor of the building said he wouldn't press charges, so I do not need to arrest Emmett, though your family will be held responsible for the cost of damages."

"That is not an issue Officer Swan. I will happily fund for a new church to be built," Carlisle answered calmly, sending Emmett a disapproving look before shaking hands with my dad.

Charlie nodded expecting it to be no issue for the Cullens, "Call me Charlie please, we are practically family." He gave a quick nod to Edward before heading back towards the rest of his colleges to report our financial consent. I was happy that he seemed to be warming up to Edward finally.

Nutty looked flabbergasted, "Y-you are family with the police force! The devil is everywhere! You have even corrupted the good and now you are planning to take over the world and set fire to every inch on this planet turning it into hell itself! This was only your first move; I know your plan! EVIL!" She was breathing hard, her hair a mess, and she was hunched over looking creepily insane.

"You think we are going to take over the world?" Rosalie asked while looking at Stacy with the most degrading expression.

"Y-yes," came the Nut's weak reply.

"Humph, too bad you're so smart. Since you have us all figured out, I guess I will just have to kill you," Rosalie sighed and shrugged her shoulders before grinning evilly at her victim.

"W-wha…" Nutty's eyes went wide, and then she turned and bolted for the fleeting police cars. "WAIT! TAKE ME WITH YOU!" She screamed hysterically. We just laughed at her idiocy and turned to leave.

As we made our way to the cars, which Alice had conveniently parked at the far corner of the lot, I gave a fleeting glance to the church, or should I say the place where the church once stood. I laughed thinking about the irony of my thoughts earlier this morning. So it had taken the church falling to the ground before it was to be redone.

**________________________________________________________________________**

_Esme's POV_

It was 5:30 in the morning when I entered the girl's room and gently shook them awake. They stirred for a bit before their eyes opened allowing them to look up at me in confusion.

"Get up and get dressed quickly girls, I am taking you out," I whispered, winking at them.

Jena stretched and yawned, "Where?"

"Disneyland!" Came my excited reply, evoking the same emotion in both of them. I already had the Cullen family jet waiting to take us to Florida for two days of unrestrained fun. Technically I wasn't allowed to start my rules until tomorrow, but I had been able to convince the director to let this slide as long as I took two cameramen with me to film our little vacation. John was unaware I was taking his girls out, and I felt bad in that respect but he had allowed his wife's ridiculous rules to hinder their growth for far too long. It was time for a change.

About twenty minutes later, both girls were dressed and excited. Slipping silently out the door so as to not disturb their father, we scurried to the black van waiting to take us to the airport.

"Why are we leaving? Does our father know?" Lisa asked hesitantly with a new look of wonder in her eyes.

"I am taking you two to Disneyland in Florida! It was time you had some real fun, and it's okay if your father stays unaware for a bit longer," I smiled at them warmly.

"Wow! I have never snuck out before!" Jena exclaimed getting rather hyper. She was literally bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Now girls I am not promoting deceiving your parents, this is simply a one time thing, understand?" I did not want them to think it was okay to sneak off and have fun with their parents unaware all the time, but I simply had no choice this time.

"Of course Esme," Jena responded with a shy smile. My smile grew ten fold when I heard how she addressed me informally for the first time. "That's okay right?" She questioned now unsure if I still wanted her to call me by my first name.

I patted her small hand, "That is just splendid my dear."

"Are you our fairy godmother Esme? Because you are making all my dreams come true," Lisa whispered gazing adoringly at me. If I could, I would have been sobbing at her words I was so touched.

"You two are so sweet, I'll be whatever you would like me to be."

At my words Jena suddenly looked fiercely determined, "Then be our mom."

That was not what I had expected. I loved these poor girls, but I had never meant to replace their mother. No matter how strict, I was sure it was because she loved them just as much as I loved my own family, she just had a unique way of showing it. Taking Jena's hands, I looked at her seriously.

"Honey, you have a wonderful mother who cares for you very much. Just because she is overly strict is no reason to want to replace her. Do you understand?" My voice was soft and encouraging, not wanting her to think I wouldn't want to be like a mother to her.

"Yes, of course. I'm sorry," her face showed her remorse true. Smiling again, I changed the subject to all the things they wanted to do at Disneyland. They really were great girls, so their mother must be doing something right.

* * *

**Wow, this chapter was pretty long! I guess I wanted to give you an awesome Thanksgiving gift, plus I haven't posted in awhile. I hope you enjoyed it, and at least giggled a bit. I found it much harder to bring back the funny into my writing. It doesn't come very easily to me so sorry if this chap ended up being super lame. I tried ^_^**

**On another note, I would love it if you guys all took the time to review for this chapter especially because I need to know if this story is still interesting… or getting boring. I know you can do it because I have over a hundred of you on story alert ;P**

**If I could get 450 reviews, probably unlikely though, I can tell you it would be the best Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Birthday present ever!! Oh yeah, I am turning seventeen soon!! Yay me!! Okay well se you next time!**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- PLEASE REVIEW!!!! ^_^ And don't forget to check out my poll! Thanks!!**


	14. Aftermath Em's POV!

**Oh my goodness!!! I love you all!!! You are super amazing… I was blown away by your loving reviews!!! It only took you three days to give me 50 reviews!! AHH Best Thanksgiving gift ever!!! So…. Yes I gave you guys another chapter because of ur amazing job, even though I didn't originally plan to. ^_^ YAY!! :P Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Own. Nothing.**

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_Chapter 14: Emmett's POV!!! YAY  
_

"This behavior is unacceptable! You cannot expect me to believe that whole incident was an accident! Do I look stupid?"

"Ye-"

"Exactly, I don't! You all were accomplices in Emmett's devilish scheme, so you will all receive punishment. I am intelligent enough to see through your lies…"

"Well actually you don't-"

"… So who shall I start with first?"

"But Nutty, it really was an-"

"Okay Emmett, you can be first since you are so egger," she glared at me huffing and puffing. I was surprised she didn't just blow the damn house down already.

"But you won't listen to wha-"

"I've decided to take away all your video games and television rights."

"WHAT!?" She could not take away my video games! Agh she might as well take away my manhood! This was ridiculous. It's not like I meant to burn the church down… but it was kinda funny. I laughed out loud, which only pissed the Nuthead off worse.

"Emmett Cullen your actions were atrocious and I am embarrassed to call you my son."

"Hell woman! I am not your son, crazy," I fumed.

"Don't get smart with me boy!"

I smiled like an idiot, "Oooookay. Two plus two equals seeeveeen." I drooped my head and spoke in a retarded voice. Hey, not being smart was kind of fun!

Suddenly her expression turned to one of intense pity, and I didn't have to be Jasper to notice, "Oh, you really are stupid. That makes a lot of sense." Idiot. She wouldn't know sarcasm if it bit her in the butt.

"Right so if we are done here," Edward quickly stood up from the table and headed for the living room with Bella in tow. Oh I see how it is, just ditch me and let me take all the blame.

"It was _your_ fault Emmett!" He hissed at me still attempting escape. Oh right… I forgot with the Nut raving on and on about shared blame. As soon as we got home she ordered us all into the dinning room to "discuss our actions". Well I say bologna!

"Hold it right there young man. You are grounded from all your music and Bella is grounded from… from… Bella what do you like?" She stumbled over her words realizing she didn't know much about our dear Bella. When Alice signed up, she only had to give information about the direct family by name, so Bella's bio wasn't given.

Bella smiled innocently, "Well I love hiking in the woods, shopping all day with Alice for expensive clothes, and I love her makeovers. I hate reading, especially Worthington Heights, and I hate being alone with Edward. He is really strange by himself, it creeps me out. You know, it would be the worst to have to hang out with him all day in the guest room because he turns into an overprotective nerd always complaining some deadly spider or plague will come attack me when I'm not looking. I swear he would lock me in a bubble if he could. Don't even get me started on his overly inflated ego either!"

Edward stared at her like she was insane, but I only smiled. Damn. This girl was brilliant.

"Oh and Nutty, I was the mastermind behind the whole church ordeal, so I should be punished severely," she even hung her head in fake guilt.

"Really now? Well I always knew you were an evil girl Isabella! Actually, I suspected you all along so your confession is not a shock," Psh yeah okay… "Your punishment is no more makeovers, expensive shopping trips with Alice, or hiking anywhere. You also must read the entire Worthington Heights book and explain the plot to me later tonight to prove you read it, the whole time locked in the guest room with Edward. Now I know this punishment will be hard for you, but you have to experience the consequences for your actions" The Nutcracker was standing straight, chest puffed out feeling all prideful for having "figured us out".

Bella's shoulders dropped dramatically in defeat, "Yes Instructor N, I guess I'll get started." Wow, I think she even started to tear up as she began to walk away. Whoever said that girl couldn't act was high; I have taught my lil sis well. Before the two could scurry off and "be punished", Nutty demanded we all stay until she was entirely finished.

"Now, Alice your punishment will be…" SMACK! Alice's hands came down on the table hard before Nutter Butter could finish her sentence. Alice's face was one of pure rage, breathing in short gasps she glared so hard I thought she would put a hole right through the Nut's face. She could be the most hyper little pixie, or the darkest fairy, both scary at times, but that's why we loved her.

Alice literally growled at Nutty, "Don't. You. Dare."

"I-I have decided…"

"No."

"… That I will b-be t-taking away…"

"No!"

"…All your credit cards and shopping privileges." Oh no…

"NO!!!" Alice screamed before jumping up so fast her chair hit the floor.

"Alice calm down please," Carlisle sighed, him even looking horror-stricken about Alice's fate. Would she last an hour?

"But Carlisle! She can't!" My hyper sister actually wailed out, almost sobbing.

"Unfortunately she can." His voice was hard. He sighed and reached over to hug his daughter, or at least that's what the humans thought he was doing. So quietly I could barely hear he whispered, "Top left drawn in my desk. Pin number 2172."

Alice sobered up rather quickly, delicately handing Nutty all her credit cards, about fifteen of them, before she "dejectedly" walked back to her overturned seat.

"Now Rosalie, you are banned from working on any of the cars. That simply is not proper for a woman anyway."

"Fine, but don't you dare dis my mechanic abilities lady," she gave me the look before turning in the other direction. Ahh man, I hated the look! That means no nothing for poor Emmett for a while! Dang it! Wait, Rose took out the engine to my jeep earlier this morning because she was going to remodel it, but if she isn't able to go all mechanic chick then I won't be able to use it for a whole week! Damn, I _really_ didn't mean to burn the church down!

"Now finally Jasper, your punishment will be… y-you have to… actually I don't think I… Nope, you're off the hook."

"Wait what?" I asked kind of mad now. Why wasn't he being punished? Dang, I am the only one that has actually been hurt by this! No fair!

"Your fault Emmett!" I heard Edward hiss quietly again. Oh right, yeah.

"Well, I-I just feel like Jasper is such a good kid and I don't feel like being mean to him," was the Nut's response. Okay no fair! Nutty should have a rule about not using powers when being punished.

Edward rolled his eyes at me. "Emmett you're an idiot."

'Yeah well at least I can get some.'

Chuckling, he looked at me skeptically, "Oh really? Because Rosalie doesn't look too happy with you right now. Trust me, you are not getting anything for awhile."

'I know.' Rosie was pissed at me… she gave me THE look!

"Thank you ma'am," Jasper smiled before returning his attention to his wife, who I'm sure was planning to dart upstairs and buy everything she could find online just to get over her previous shock of credit card loss.

"Now that we have settled that, I have an activity for you all that I feel will help," Nutty left the room for a few minutes, shuffling loudly up and down the stairs. Finally when she re-entered the room, she was carrying a huge box of… something swishy. Yes, I heard something swishy and it smelled kind of like soap. Normally I would help a woman out if she were carrying something heavy, though the Nut cannot be considered human so it's okay.

"This is meant to relieve you of your sin and…" mid sentence she began to pull out tubs of bubbles.

"What the hell is that for?" So I have a problem with keeping my mouth shut, but hey you know you love me!

"Emmett! Language! Anyway, this will help relieve you of your sin by…"

"How will bubbles relieve our sin? Bella was kidding when she said Edward wanted to put her in a bubble, plus it isn't like she is the sin of this family. Besides how are you going to put a person in a bubble? It doesn't seem possible I mean…"

"Emmett! Refrain from interrupting and I will explain! We are not putting anyone in a bubble." Reaching into the box of wonders, she pulled out magical bendy sticks that were fuzzy!

"You each will take a pipe cleaner…" Aww no magical bendy sticks, just pipe cleaners… but I can make them magical!… "and shape it into your sin. Then you will use the shape to blow a bubble, effectively getting rid of your sin so you can stop acting like the devils you are."

"Umm I really like magical bendy sticks, but I don't think that gets rid of sin Nutty," I crossed my arms and sighed bored already. She glared at me as if waiting for something. What, did she want a freaking cookie? Oh right…

"I mean Instructor N. What is up with that anyway? It sounds like one of those old fashioned teachers with the ruler that would smack the children's hands. You look more like a… Nutty, Nutter Butter, Nuthead, Nuts and Crackers, Nutanator…"

"It is respectful! I want you to see me as your teacher, one who will force you to learn discipline!"

"Well I like Nutanator better, don't you? That's powerful! Then you can fake a weird accent and be voted as our governor even though you know nothing about politics! Doesn't it sound exciting?" Wait… I don't want her to govern anything… the world would end or be taken over by robots. You know, those crazy awesome ones form I-Robot!

"No. As I was saying, you can each blow away your sins." Nutty placed a tub of bubbles and a pipe cleaner in front of each of us. Everyone sat there for about a minute just staring at the strange items. Then we all grabbed the bubbles and fuzzy pipes, threw them in the trash, and went upstairs ignoring Nutty's complaints about disrespect and hell or what not. Geez, I bet if she let us call her Nutanator we would have listened. That is a sweet name! Hmm… Emmitnator… nah sounds lame. Ha! How about Emmett All Mighty! Oh yeah!!!

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_Bella's POV_

I giggled as I shut my door behind me leaning back against it and taking a deep breath to calm down. Sliding down so I was sitting on the floor, I addressed Edward who was standing in front of me.

"Wow, I can't believe she actually tried to get us to play with pipe cleaners and bubbles! I mean not even Emmett would…" I stopped short once I caught his expression. He looked angry, calculative, and… dangerous? He simply stared at me relentlessly, not the usual lovey dovey lost in your eyes stare, but the creepy uncomfortable I know your secret kind of stare.

"Umm… Edward?" I looked up at him confused, and a bit scared.

"So you don't like being alone with me? I creep you out?" He smiled wickedly at me before stepping a bit closer.

"W-what? No, I wasn't being serious Edward I…" standing up to face him and explain, I felt nervous, though I don't know why. I was sure he would have known I was lying!

"Overprotective nerd?" He questioned, still walking closer. I automatically stepped back, unable to go anywhere, instead pinning myself against the wall. He was about three feet away now. I'm sure my heart would explode from my chest any second now, or at least break a world record. Of course he could hear it, and chuckled darkly.

"Edward listen, you know I didn't mean it!"

"Deadly spiders and plagues huh?"

"Well I was just…"

"Is that the only thing you can think of? What about me? Am I not highly, highly dangerous?" He stepped closer still until I could feel his ice-cold body on mine, his strong arms rested against the wall on either side of my head trapping me.

He lowered his head until his lips were at my left ear, "Maybe I do have an inflated ego Isabella. My, does your heart fly." Damn his voice was… hot. The way he said my name was unbearable. Just when I thought I would explode, he was suddenly sitting on the couch reading my Worthington Heights book. Dang, he could have at least kissed the heck out of me a little!

"So, don't you have homework?" His voice was now completely normal, as if nothing happened. I on the other hand was having trouble breathing.

"W-wha…" Seriously, I think I was having an asthma attack or something, either that or my lungs forgot how to work.

"Well here you go," he tossed the book in my direction, landing with a thud at my feet, "I'm going to take a nap." He stretched out on the couch and closed his eyes, completely still other than his steady breathing.

"But you don't sleep?"

"Shhh," was his only reply.

I stood there for about five minutes straight, but he didn't move, so I sat on the end of the bed and tried to read. It took awhile to get into it, seeing as I kept sneaking peeks at the napping vampire, but I finally did. Well, for about two minutes.

"Why are you reading it again? Have you forgotten it already? And here I thought you had that book pretty much memorized?" I looked up to see him on his side facing me with that crooked grin of his.

"Are you all better now?" I teased, realizing he was just messing with me as payback. I guess I did go overboard just a little, but I wanted to be convincing!

"Yup!" He jumped from the couch to the bed, kissing me on the forehead.

He looked at me seriously, "I don't want you in a bubble you know, I just don't want you hurt."

"Now who's being silly? I just said that so I could be alone with you, and apparently watch you nap." I giggled at him smiling shyly.

He cupped my face roughly, "Soooo, what did you want to do alone with me Isabella?"

!#$%^&*(_+!#$%^&*()!#$%^&*( !#$%^&*()_+!#$%^&*()_!#$%

"Bella?"

"Huh? What, yeah?" He laughed at me, as I shook my head back and forth.

"Damn it! Stop dazzling me Edward, it's not fair!" That boy will be the death of me. I pouted at him, not expecting it to work, but it did.

"Sorry love, you're just too fun to tease."

"You know I could tease you back right?"

"Please don't. I wouldn't be able to control myself," he grinned sheepishly at me before changing the subject. We just sat there talking and laughing for who knows how long. I loved my silly, overprotective, and sexy as hell vampire!

* * *

_Alice's POV (_ This part is for you BellaissaAdreana_ ^_^)  
_

How dare she take away my babies? That is cruel and unusual punishment for something I had no part in! Well… I guess I could have stopped it seeing as I can see the future and all, but she doesn't know that.

As soon as I made it to the computer, I was on every online shopping site I could find. I just went on a huge shopping spree for myself last night so I decided to do a good deed and get payback at the same time. Nutty's clothes seemed to be getting uglier and uglier… but not if I had anything to do with it.

Jasper just sat next to me quietly, helping me decide every now and then, not stopping until I had an entire new wardrobe. All in Nutty's size of course. I bought everything from form fitting designer jeans to strapless dresses, and a box of matches. There would be no remainder of her clothing left behind for her to crawl back to. My changes were drastic, and permanent.

Shopping was my heaven, especially with Jazzy by my side. I was entirely content. If I weren't so wrapped up in my superhero fashion saving mode, I would have saved Bella from my brother… though I think she may enjoy the torture.

I specifically paid for the clothes to be delivered at the end of my driveway at midnight. This would be done tonight, and I was not going to be caught before I finished. I would succeed as usual. I could see it. I finished the transaction off with Carlisle's credit card. I owe him big time, but that's okay because shopping is my life.

--

Right at midnight, a huge truck pulled up with all my purchases. Jasper was there to help carry in everything as silently as possible. I paid the drivers, having them set all the boxes on the end of the driveway before leaving. Once out of eyesight, I grabbed half the boxes while Jazzy got the other, then making our way up to Nutty's room. She was fast asleep practically dead to the world. Even if she were a light sleeper our silent motions would not have disturbed her.

All her original clothes were thrown out the window for further removal, taking only about five minutes to get all the clothes out of the boxes and into her closet and drawers. I was about to leave when I saw her limited hair products on her bathroom counter. I stole all her hair ties and bobby pins, crushing them into a fine dust so that she would be unable to kill my clothing choices with her hair.

"Something is missing…" I mumbled aloud as I stared at my work.

"Maybe whip cream?" My wonderful Jazz suggested.

I purred back my response with a grin on my face, "Perfect." Rushing downstairs, I grabbed a can of cream and darted back up the steps. I was almost there when I was stopped.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Then why do you have whip cream behind your back?"

"Uhh… because I want to play with Jasper."

"Eww! Okay Geez, you could have just said no reason! I didn't want to know that! Besides, isn't Rose in your room?"

"You asked Emmett. Nope, she is waiting for you in yours," I shrugged before racing into my room. He had dropped all suspicion and hurried to his Rose. Thankfully she heard our confrontation, and suspecting I was up to something, she helped me out and well… went to meet Em. It isn't that I didn't want him to know or anything, it's just that he would have wanted to come whip her again or something, and I wanted this done right.

I slid into her room once more, spraying a quick message across her bathroom counter in whip cream. Jasper and I left just as silently as we entered to go take her old clothes into the woods and burn them.

* * *

_Esme's POV _(For Smoochynose... hope you don't mind, but you helped with the idea so...)_  
_

"Welcome to Disney World! Where all your dreams will come true!" Our Tour guide met us as soon as we reached the park, planning on taking us to each attraction, automatic front of the line pass. The girls were having a blast and I was so glad.

"Esme! Look! It's Mickey Mouse!" Jena screamed, pulling my hand in the direction of the costume clad worker. Both girls, suprisingly, had no problem being near me or touching my icy skin. They said that my heart was so warm that it took the heat from my entire body making me the most loving person on earth. If they keep this up, I will be the first vampire to shed real tears!!

Lisa ran up to the famous mouse shyly asking for his autograph with Jena right behind her. I smiled at them, laughing at their innocent enthusiasm.

"Your daughters are just gorgeous!" Our tour guide, Dani, gushed. She was so kind and full of imagination, not to mention very pretty! The perfect person to work in such a magical place.

"Oh no, they are not my children," I replied quickly not wanting any misinterpretation. It was not my place to claim that roll.

"Yeah, she is well... how do I explain this?" Lisa asked me as she and Jena returned, appareently havin goverheard our conversation. It just sounded so cold to simply say I was with them because of a TV show, it sounded like I was forced to. It was cruel to me.

"I, well I am their Aunt! It that okay girls?" I looked to them for approval, gainging it right away through thir brilliant smiles and glowing eyes.

"Aunt Esme! Yay! Come on Aunite Esme! I would like more autographs please!" Jena squealed, skipping off with her sister once again.

"They are adorable," Dani smiled before we continued after them.

I agreed whole-heartedly, "Yes, very."

* * *

**Hope you liked it!!! Please, please review a ton more again!!! I love you guys!!!! I know this chapter isn't as long as the last, but could we try and shoot for the big 500?? That would be really awesome… but only if you find this chap worth the review ladies and gentlemen ^_^ Oh and if you noticed, I will try add in ur ideas when I can... so if there is something you really want to see, let me know!!!  
**

**-Edwardluvr33**

**P.S.- Review if you found this chapter…**

**R**easonable

**E**ntertaining

**V**aluable

**I**mpressive

**E**ffervescent

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**P**leasant

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**E**xcellent

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:P


	15. Slobber Monster

**Have I told you guys how amazingly amazing you all are??!!?? I reached 500, my previous goal, in less than two days!! Not to mention all the other reviews I received topping that!! You did wonderfully, so sorry I took so long to update. Life has been hectic as usual. Hope you all had a very Merry Christmas!!! :D**

**Okay well anyways… here is yet another chapter. I want to give a special thanks to: ALL my readers and their special ideas!! You helped me a lot!! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything else.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Previously…**

All her original clothes were thrown out the window for further removal, taking only about five minutes to get all the clothes out of the boxes and into her closet and drawers. I was about to leave when I saw her limited hair products on her bathroom counter. I stole all her hair ties and bobby pins, crushing them into a fine dust so that she would be unable to kill my clothing choices with her hair.

"Something is missing…" I mumbled aloud as I stared at my work.

"Maybe whip cream?" My wonderful Jazz suggested.

I purred back my response with a grin on my face, "Perfect." Rushing downstairs, I grabbed a can of cream and darted back up the steps. I was almost there when I was stopped.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Then why do you have whip cream behind your back?"

"Uhh… because I want to play with Jasper."

"Eww! Okay Geez, you could have just said no reason! I didn't want to know that! Besides, isn't Rose in your room?"

"You asked Emmett. Nope, she is waiting for you in yours," I shrugged before racing into my room. He had dropped all suspicion and hurried to his Rose. Thankfully she heard our confrontation, and suspecting I was up to something, she helped me out and well… went to meet Em. It isn't that I didn't want him to know or anything, it's just that he would have wanted to come whip her again or something, and I wanted this done right.

I slid into her room once more, spraying a quick message across her bathroom counter in whip cream. Jasper and I left just as silently as we entered to go take her old clothes into the woods and burn them.

**_Chapter 15: Alice's POV_**

At 6:25am, I had everyone crouched against Nutty's door with our ears pressed against it in all different angles. I'm sure it would look very odd if someone happened to walk past us at the moment. We wanted to at least hear Nutty's reaction to my scheme right away. Emmett had been a little pouty because I didn't tell them all until a couple minutes ago and just as I suspected, he had wanted to help.

"Alice! You should have let me use the whip cream! That is my thing! I could have drawn pictures on her windows! Oh I bet I could have drawn clouds on the windows and then she would think they were real clouds but it would just be whip cream and then she would be annoyed because she thought hey were real clouds outside the window and…"

"Emmett just shut up already! That's exactly why I didn't tell you," I rolled my eyes at him before turning back to the door. We all almost jumped a foot in the air when we heard her alarm go off and her snoring cease, even though I saw it first.

We heard groans and the cracking noises of her stretching as she got up. Foot steps… she was walking toward her closet… and …

"WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL MY CLOTHES!?" She screamed huffing and puffing. Taking that as a cue, I knocked twice before pushing her door open. I decided I would rather see her reaction than hear it anyway… more entertaining that way. I didn't anticipate my family being so clueless as to not brace themselves though. Geez, I did knock. They all fell flat on their faces in a weird tangled heap. I shrugged my shoulders with an "oops".

"HEY! WHY ARE YOU ALL AT MY DOOR!? YOU'RE EVIL!!" The Nut crossed her arms glaring so hard I was sure her eyes would pop out.

Eww! Glancing at her appearance, I grimaced never having seen her so disheveled as she was first thing in the morning. Ugh, I would have to burn that awful thing she chose to sleep in as soon as she is out of it. It looked like a gigantic curtain that a large dog puked on multiple times.

"We heard you scream and had been passing by at the time… so we decided to see what was wrong," I stated confidently with a false look of alarm. Meanwhile, my family carefully picked themselves off the floor sending my warning glances. Psh they will forget about this little mishap as soon as Nutty gets to the good part.

"What did you devil children do with my clothes!?" Her voice was harder than stone, definitely not a morning person.

Innocently we all shrugged, "No clue what you are talking about Nutty." She continued to glare before throwing up her arms in frustration.

"Whatever, just GET OUT!" She turned to make her way to her bathroom as we made to leave very slowly, but of course we stopped. She had been in the bathroom for around five minutes without making a sound. What was she doing?

The bathroom door squeaked open slowly, revealing a ghost white Nutcracker, her eyes frozen wide and focused on the mirror in front of her. I couldn't detect any air flowing in and out of her lungs either, as if she literally turned to stone. Why she was looking at the mirror though was beyond me seeing as I had written on the counter.

"What is it Nutty?" Emmett stepped forward eagerly wanting to know what I wrote. Approaching slowly at first to see if the Nut would react, he began to speed up as she remained absolutely still. He quickly made it to the bathroom and glanced at my work. I had written across the counter:

_'Your style angers me Nutty. Change or beware my whipping wrath.'_

But then he looked at the mirror and smiled, winking at me. What?

"Well Nutty, it looks like you have visited by the crazy Whipping Man again," he said matter-of-factly.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Emmett's large hands wet to cover his ears. "Geez, that was a delayed reaction," he mumbled before turning to the Nut and grinning evilly.

She spun around to face him shaking so hard I thought she might break herself, "What do I do!?" Her whisper was so soft I don't think Bella had been able to catch it.

Emmett's tone was now dead serious, "Well Stacy, there is only one way out now, and that is down."

Before I even had the time to see what would happen, she pushed past Emmett and headed for the window. Throwing it open in a mad rush, she surprised us all by flinging herself out the window. She literally just jumped out of the window in a three-story building.

"Emmett what the hell!?" Rosalie yelled glaring at him.

He looked just as shocked as us, putting his hands up in defense, "Hey I swear I didn't want her to do that! I just thought since she was always talking about hell, I would mess with her! I didn't mean for her to jump out the freaking window!"

"I cannot believe you just killed the Nutcracker Emmett! What are we supposed to tell Micky, our director?" Rosalie was fuming mad.

"It's not my fault! Alice is the one who wrote "I'm watching you" on the mirror! It even ran a little so the words look all creepy."

"Wait, I never wrote that? I only wrote the stuff about her changing her style on the counter!" I was now utterly confused, but he was right. On the mirror there were the creepy looking words in whip cream.

"Well then who did?" Emmett asked, but everyone looked just as confused. There can't really be a whipping man… can there? I was sure we had all gone completely insane when soft chuckles came from behind us. Standing there was none other than Carlisle doubled over laughing loudly now.

"Carlisle," Emmett said slowly, looking at him as if he were in need of a mental institution, "Did you write that on the mirror?"

"HA! Yes, yes I did! Sorry Alice, but you didn't do a sufficient job. This man is supposed to be insane and well they always say that! Ha! Wow did you guys see her face! Classic!" We just stared at him. There was no way Carlisle Cullen, Mr. Responsible, just helped prank Nutty.

"Wow guys! Hey look, I even got it on camera since the cameramen aren't here yet! Jumping out the window was the perfect finish don't you think?" He just smiled at us waiting for our joining laughter, the portable camera hanging from his left arm.

"Umm Carlisle?" Bella asked timidly from Edward's side, "You just killed the Nut." Sometimes it's best to be blunt.

"You know Alice, I bet if you just let me draw clouds on the windows then she would have been too distracted to jump! See, you guys think my ideas are really stupid but I was so right!" Emmett puffed out his chest all proud.

My eyes involuntarily rolled, "Oh shut up you big oaf."

"Bella, don't worry I didn't kill Nutty. Look outside." Carlisle was now perfectly calm once more. No one hesitated, rushing to the window expecting to find a flattened body. When did we ever have such luck? The Nut was sitting on the roof looking utterly confused. Oh right, there was another extension to the house that did not include the upper floors.

Emmett's head shot out the window with an amused face, "Stacy, I think you better come back in now. I was only kidding about the down thing. Besides I meant hell, but I guess you really are that stupid."

"NO! I won't come back in with you EVIL PEOPLE!" Her deranged screech startled even me. Okay, seriously I need to pay more attention to my visions.

"You know the whipping man could still be out there, and I bet he came in through this window. Who knows, he could be on that roof with you hiding." Emmett raised his eyebrow daring her to stay out there. Of course that got her thinking, and soon enough she was trying the climb back through the window, which apparently was harder than jumping out. We just watched and laughed at her. Well I mean… she never actually asked for help right?

* * *

**_Bella's POV_**

As soon as the Nut climbed back inside the room, she ordered us all back into the dinning room for another round of punishment. Whatever, like we did anything! It was the whipping man Geez…

We all made fun of her and chatted while she changed and got ready. By now the cameramen had shown up and Carlisle had given them his own personal recording. I'm sure it was perfect seeing as he was a vampire and the camera wouldn't be shaky, well as long as his laughing was in check. Micky was ecstatic that we were able to pull it off of course since her main goal was entertainment and not actually changing peoples lives. But hey, this is live TV we are talking about, since when was it real?

When the Nut finally came down, she actually didn't look too bad. She was wearing form fitting designer jeans and a simple blue T-shirt. Her hair was completely down too since all her hair ties were gone. It was a great improvement from her previous attire, though she looked anything but happy about it.

"You monsters are out of control! I have to break out the big guns now and teach you proper! First, I need to go gather my supplies, so all of you find a corner and sit there until I get back!" She demanded looking deranged as usual.

Emmett spoke up, "You want us to sit in a corner? Isn't that like a five year old thing?"

"Well you are all as mature as a five year old so get moving!" She pointed to the many corners on the first floor, and we all moved. No one planned on following her directions, we were just seeing what she had planed first.

"Now Carlisle, hand over the credit card." She held out her hand in Carlisle's direction with an impatient look.

"What did I do?" He looked confused. She didn't know about him being in on the prank. No one had noticed him until he started laughing once she was already out the window.

"Nothing, I just need money. After all we are partners now," scary, "and what's yours is mine."

"Ummm…" Carlisle looked over to Micky for help, but she just nodded agreeing with the Nut.

"Okay," he signed and gave her a credit card, though it wasn't the special black one I have seen the Cullens normally use, so he must have been prepared with a separate account.

"Alright then. All of you stay where you are until I get back. Carlisle I trust that you are responsible enough to keep these idiots in place?"

"My children are not idiots Stacy."

"I'll take that as a yes," she turned to leave apparently not hearing Emmett calling her an idiot.

Not even before she had fully shut the door, everyone got up and went to do their own thing. It was kind of funny because Carlisle was one of them. Yeah, like he would ever listen to Nutty.

"Hey Alice, what's she planning?" I asked nonchalantly at least wanting to have some kind of idea what to expect, though I knew we would be able to get out of anything she threw at us.

"I don't know actually?" She looked puzzled for the first time in a while.

"What do you mean?"

Edward walked up to my side, "I am not really sure either. She keeps changing her mind so nothing is concrete. I guess she is still undecided as to what would work on us evil people, " his sarcasm was clear at the end.

"Is that bad?"

"No silly, she could never do anything that would actually do anything to us anyway," Alice laughed before suggesting we watch a movie. Everyone agreed, except all three boys adamantly refused to watch Pirates of the Caribbean. I laughed remembering the last time…

_Flashback_

"Ahh! I have an idea! Lets watch Pirates of the Caribbean! Johnny Depp is so hott in that movie!" I squealed. I probably shouldn't have mentioned that in front of Edward but I was too hyper to care.

"Oh my! That movie is PG 13! How can you watch such graphic movies?" Stacy proclaimed in utter horror at the thought.

"We are all well over thirteen," Jasper stated chuckling at how far over that age his family was.

"I agree with Bella a hundred percent! Definitely a Johnny Depp movie!" Rosalie added heading toward the movie case.

"He is so cute especially the way he walks in that movie! I love it!" Alice added enthusiastically.

"Umm hello! Us guys are still in the room and we don't like hearing you talking about other men!" Jasper complained with a sour look. Emmett and Edward nodded their heads in agreement.

"Sorry boys, but we are still watching Pirates. Everyone get into your pj's and meet back down here in ten," Alice ordered racing up the stairs. "Oh and Edward I laid out you pajamas on your bed!" She called down from upstairs.

"Yo ho yo ho a pirates life for me!" I sang skipping up the stairs. I tripped twice of course but Edward caught me.

_End Flashback_

Everyone decided on "Pool hall Junkies". Even though it was pretty much pointless and not the cleanest movie, it was still hilarious at times. The guys especially thought so, still talking about it and quoting lines after it was over.

"Hey Edward I bet I can tell you where you got your shoes!" Emmett spoke between laughter.

"No, you will never guess right since I bought them overseas!" Edward continued playing along.

"Well I never said I would tell you where you bought them, I said I would tell you where you got them, and right now you've got them on your feet!" Emmett finished the classic line and we all burst out laughing. Seriously that was my favorite part in the whole movie!

We were all messing around and laughing so hard we forgot about Nutty, and of course she walked in on us all laughing in the living room. Her clothes were changed back to the old gross style and she was carrying more bags so apparently Alice's actions were for nothing. Knowing her though, she would probably just go burn the clothes again tonight.

"Hey! I said you were to remain in the corner!" She screamed at us, looking smug for some reason. I guess she came up with a punishment.

"Well, we got bored," was Jasper's reply. We laughed at her and continued to talk about the movie among other things.

Ignoring the comment as usual, "You have all exceeded my patience, so I have decided to punish you by teaching responsibility."

"Oh really? And how do you plan to do that Nutcracker?" Rosalie gave the Nut a disbelieving look, though suddenly I noticed every vampire was scrunching their nose up as if they smelt something highly disgusting. Oh no, that could only mean one thing.

Rose held her hand over her nose as if that could help, "What in the hell is that smell!"

"Smell? I don't think he smells that bad. Mike bring him in please," Nutty called over she shoulder now smirking at us. Wait, did she just say Mike? Uhh oh.

Mike walked in followed by Jessica dragging a big furry animal. At first I couldn't tell what it was besides a large ball of fur, but then it barked, and I couldn't help but laughing out loud. Wow, Nutty was good.

"Eww! Get it away! Get it away!" Alice squealed jumping on top of the sofa with Rosalie right behind her. Meanwhile Jasper and Emmett were trying to hold Edward back who was staring at Mike who was now staring at me with a really gross smirk.

"Everyone calm down! These two nice people, Mike and Jessica, needed to sell this dog and I found it the perfect opportunity to teach you guys a lesson," Nutter Butter tried to maintain order, but it wasn't working. At least I know why Mike and jess were here; well supposedly for the dog but I doubt the fact that they could visit the Cullen house didn't spark their interests.

Mike had decided to come talk to me while Edward was detained, so he entirely forgot about the dog and started to walk over to me. Jessica though didn't like that because I guess they are a couple now and got in his way all upset. Alice and Rosalie were throwing everything they could find at the poor dog while Carlisle was trying to calm them down. And of course Edward was still on overprotective overdrive.

So I was just standing there watching the madness laughing, when I made acquaintance with the ground yet again. Actually it was more like seeing an old, really really old, friend since it happened so often. Normally, though, I don't just fall over while standing so what the heck? Oh, ha, there's a dog on top of me.

The fur ball attacked me and started practically eating my face with its tongue. Okay, I thought he was cute before but now it was just disgusting. I tried pushing him off but he was just too darn big. I lay there kicking and flailing for a couple minutes before Jasper and Emmett finally let Edward go. He ran over to me and got the dog off, but then he threw it across the room in his hast. The dog whined once it thudded on the ground across the room but was somehow unfazed.

"Bella are you… Holy shit!" The dog I guess had a bit of a temper, and attacked Edward from behind. This time though he was really trying to eat Edward's face. It went flying once again, I was thrown over Edward's shoulder and he ran upstairs to our room, shut and locked the door, and then just stared at me breathing hard.

"Umm… are you okay?" I asked timidly, scanning Edward to see the damage. His shirt was torn and his hair even messier and full of dog slobber, but other than that he was good.

"Of course, it can't hurt me Bella. Only the big dogs even have a slight chance," he smiled at me crookedly and winked. I just rolled my eyes at his reference to the wolves, and sat next to him on the bed.

"Bella, you know I love you right?"

"Yes…"

"Well umm, you are really beautiful I promise… just slightly less dazzling at the moment," he claimed actually wincing when he looked at me. Okay so I probably looked just as bad as him, but at least I had an undershirt so I wasn't completely revealing myself. I wasn't mad, I knew I looked like crap after being attacked by the slobber monster of fur but at the moment I would rather not think about that.

Slowly I reached over for one of Edward's nice fluffy, feather stuffed pillows and faced him with an innocent smile. "Edward, are you calling me ugly?"

"No! I am just saying you might want to change… and shower."

"Mmm, you know what I think?"

"Wha-" SMACK

I hit him in the face with the pillow causing him to fall over stunned. I guess he didn't expect me to actually hit him.

"Bella, you really shouldn't have done that!" He grabbed another pillow and our war started. I obviously knew he was holding back, but that didn't stop the pillows from exploding and feathers sticking to our slobber covered bodies. Some how the others stopped the craziness downstairs and found us.

I heard Emmett's bellowing voice, "Pillow fight!" Then the war really began, with everyone bringing in pillows from their rooms and joining in. It became a girls against guys competition as we destroyed all pillows in sight, shirking and laughing the whole time.

Eventually the pillows ran out, and we all were tangled in a messy feather covered heap on the floor laughing hysterically. Well at least the dog fit in now considering we were all overly furry. I was the first to sober up and detangle myself, still giggling a bit until I realized we had an audience. Nutcracker, Mike, Jessica, Micky, at least five cameramen, and even the slob monster were staring at us with wide eyes from the doorway. Carlisle was sitting on Edward's bed just laughing with us, though he wasn't a bit disorderly.

"Uhh guys?" I poked Edward's side but he was still laughing with the others. "Ha, uhh…" I just stared awkwardly at our spectators wondering what to do. Fine, I thought. Here goes nothing.

"EDWARD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, and then all went quiet. My family stopped trashing, now just staring at me shocked and confused, especially Edward who was currently trying to get out from underneath both Emmet and Alice without being suspicious. Knowing I had their attention, I point towards the door and those watching us.

Having got the clue, Alice got off Emmett who then got off Edward. Jasper let go of Alice and Rose pulled her legs from underneath Edward. The slobber had not just stayed on Edward and I, so everyone was slimy and fury with hair that looked like Frankenstein remakes. And here it comes…

"My word! You have NO manners at all! We have guests and you guys attack each other like wild animals! This is the most despicable and EVIL behavior I have ever witnessed!" Nutter Butter was red from yelling at us, furious yet again. Just when we were about to suck up and clean up, the Slob monster attacked again.

It worked itself up so much I guess it could no longer hold its bladder. One leg went up, and then pee shot out… all over the Nut's legs. It wasn't a short pee either; I swear he sat there like that for at least five minutes.

Nutty began screaming, but couldn't move away because so many people were crowded around her. Everyone else started laughing again, though this time it included those surround Nutty, well all except for Edward. We were still in his room after all.

"Evil! This dog is evil because of you!" Pointing at us she started screaming unintelligible remarks while we just kept laughing at her.

Eventually, though, the pee started to stink up the room and everyone hurriedly cleared out. The Nut ran to her room in frustrated tears, the cameramen back downstairs with Mike and Micky, and the rest of us off to our respective rooms to clean up.

I was about to head down to the guest room when Edward grabbed my hand and leaned down so that his lips were against my ear.

"You know, I could use some help cleaning up Isabella. Would you like to join me?" Cue the heart attack. Seriously, why me?

"I uhh… Bye Edward!" I shot out of the room before I could accept his offer listening to his chuckles disappear in the background.

* * *

**_Edward's POV_**

I was just messing with her, which is always fun, but I didn't expect her to fly out of my room so fast. And without even tripping once too! I sighed shaking my head, planning to head into the shower myself when I realized I wasn't alone.

"So Edward, this is you room?" Jessica was lying on my bed in the weirdest position I have ever seen. It looked horribly uncomfortable, but apparently she thought she was being sexy.

"Get out of my room now before I make you," I meant to be stern, but it came out more like a growl. Still she didn't get it.

"Mmm I like the sound of that Eddie. You can make me do anything," she rolled over getting her disgusting scent all over my sheets. EWW! I was so not touching her, but I was still getting her out.

"Rose! A little help here?" I called knowing she was the most fit for the job. It only took her a few seconds to make it to my room, still covered in slim though and not looking pleased.

She crossed her arms and glared at the girl, "Move it skank."

"Ugh Rosalie you are interrupting something! Besides you are the only skank here," Jessica thought she was being smart, but holy shit no one says that to Rose!

"Mmm is that so?" Rose smirked violently before literally grabbing Jessica by the hair and dragging her out of my room, right over the dog pee too with her kicking and screaming the whole way. I laughed feeling nothing but disgust for that piece of trash. Granted, that must of hurt pretty bad, but I really didn't care. At least she would never try and pull that again.

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**_Lisa's POV_**

Disneyland was such a magical place to be, especially with my sister and Auntie Esme! She is the best in the whole world! I didn't know that having fun could be so much… well fun!

My whole life had been all work and no play since my mother associated fun with evil. It really was horrible, and I even wanted to hate her for it, but I managed just fine. Then when Esme came, she changed my life after only the first day! Her kindness is something I have never seen before, and it amazes me all the time.

Luckily Esme was able to convince my father that Disneyland was educational, how though I will never know, so we didn't get into much trouble. He was still unhappy we snuck out without telling him, but of course Esme protected us.

Also I have never been allowed to call someone older than me by his or her first name, so it makes Esme seem like my very best friend. Even my sister and I were growing closer because of her. Usually we never talked in fear of upsetting mother.

"Hey Jena, you awake?" I called to my sister above me in our bunk bed.

"Yeah, can't sleep either?" She called back down.

"Nope, I just can't understand how Esme is so wonderful."

"Yeah, I bet you she is our fairy godmother just like in Cinderella!"

"Oh that would be so cool! I think we should see if she is!" That is such a good idea, but how could I find out? I guess I could just ask her, since she is so nice.

"Well, in Cinderella the fairy Godmother gave her a beautiful dress! So I guess we just have to wait and see if we get a dress," Jena's voice was growing softer and slower so I knew she was falling asleep.

That did make sense, but I didn't want Esme spending any more money on us. She was truly everything good, and I didn't want her giving up her money for us, no matter how much a beautiful dress would mean to me. I wish Esme was my mother, and I didn't have to wear the bland outfits my mother sparingly bought for us.

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**_Esme's POV_**

Disneyland with the girls had been full of laughter and joy of course. Luckily it was never too sunny, which didn't bother the girls, and I was able to get away with covering all my skin. A simple hat shielded my face splendidly along with pants and a long sleeve turtleneck. I am so glad I could share this experience with them.

At the moment, I sat on the bed in the guest room reading as usual. This time I couldn't talk to Carlisle because he said he was having trouble calming the kids down. Something about a dog and pillow feathers. Truthfully, I don't want to know.

Normally I am not bored, but tonight that's exactly what I was and I couldn't stand it. The girls were sleeping along with their father, so I found no quarrel with stepping out for a bit. Due to my family ties, I was able to have one of my favorite designer stores open up early, or late depending on how you look at it, so I could get a bit of shopping done.

Okay, so normally it's Alice who goes to these extremes to shop in the middle of the night, but I was desperate. I just wasn't used to a quiet house, and sometimes it grew to be too much, as strange as that sounds.

As I strolled through the store, I of course picked out several outfits for the girls that actually looked wearable. Those poor things had to be suffering in the clothes their mother forced on them. I thought I was just about done when I saw two gorgeous dresses hanging proudly in the window. I didn't even think twice before I had them in the proper sizes. I truly have no idea when they could wear them, but they were too perfect for them to give up.

Jena's dress was light blue and highly elegant. It began with thick straps crossed in the back, then continuing straight until the waistline. Past the waist, it immediately flowed out ending just below the knees with a little ruffle. In the back a large bow hung from the waist. The top half had delicate flowers woven in detailed patterns honestly making it a beautiful dress.

Lisa's light green dress was the complete opposite, yet they both had a way of blending with each other. It had thin straps, didn't poof out as much past the waist, and would end at her ankles. Across the middle was a sash hanging off to the side adding a layer to the dress. The top, too, had woven flowers in a similar pattern though they were more prominent.

I adored each dress for different reasons and hoped the girls would love them too. Once I had finished my purchases I thanked the manager for my inconvenience and headed toward the Nutcracker home.

It was about 5:00am, so I had made it back with perfect timing. I texted Carlisle for a bit before getting presentable and setting breakfast out for the girls and their father.

After breakfast I went to collect my purchases and show the girls what I got them. Yesterday they had another bible study so I could use that as an excuse for when I went.

"Ladies, I have a surprise for you!" I exclaimed happily once I had them situated in their room. They both exchanged a look that I didn't quite understand. They looked a bit suspicious and happy but in a way that looked as if they expected what I had to say and were ever glad for it. Hmm, maybe it's just a twin thing.

As expected they squealed gleefully as I showed them each outfit and helped them carefully place them in the closet. I saved the dresses for last.

"Oh, and I bought one more thing for each of you, though I am not sure when you will use them, I just couldn't help it!" I pulled Jena's dress out first, almost wincing at the sound of their high-pitched squeals. The same effect, not even dimmed a little, was created when I revealed Lisa's dress.

Lisa gazed up at me adoringly, "It's true! I just knew it!"

"What's true dear?'

"Esme, you are our real fairy godmother! I suspected you all along, but this proves it!" Lisa ran up to me and hugged me tightly around the waist with Jena right behind her.

"I'm whatever you girls would like me to be," I smiled at them and hugged them back.

In a whisper so soft I wouldn't of heard if I were human, Lisa whispered, "Thank you Auntie Esme. I love you."

"Me too," Jena followed.

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**Hope you guys liked it!! Of course I got carried away as usual… and well you got the slobber monster and a pillow fight out of it!! Teehee!! I hope you guys enjoyed it, especially the sweet ending. My favorite part! Anyway do you think we could make it to 600 reviews this time?? I certainly believe we can! You guys rock so much I'm dizzy!! LOL Love you all :D**

**-Edwardluvr22**

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_** MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!**_


	16. ROCK ON!

**Sooo hey guys! (Hides behind trash can lid) Okay so I know I haven't updated in a long time… and I don't have any good excuses. I mean sure there was school and stuff but I could have written, but instead I was reading other fan fictions! Some really good ones too! Oh and I am also working on another fic that I may or may not post. I liked the idea and ran with it… maybe once I'm done with the whole thing I will post it so that my updates are regular. **

**Anyways thanks for waiting and for those of you who reviewed last time!!! **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie owns everything.**  
**Recap:**

**Last chapter was Monday of the second week. This chapter will include both the end of Monday, a brief look at Tuesday, and then Wednesday. The story is wrapping up, with about three chapters left after this one, and then an epilogue.**

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_**Bella's POV**_

"So… what do we do with it?" Rosalie asked staring at the slob monster unsure.

Mike and Jessica had left and everyone was cleaned up. The dog unfortunately was still here, just sitting there. I'm sure we all half expected the thing to do something disgusting, like shoot turd in someone's face or barf on their shoes, but it just sat there.

Nutcracker was hiding in her room. Since her plan of attack backfired, she must be a tad frustrated.

Alice was sitting on the couch with her feet tucked under her, half behind Jasper. "I say we get rid of it. Fast."

I felt bad for the poor thing. It was kind of cute when it wasn't peeing or slobbering on you, and it's not like it was at fault. They couldn't just get rid of it!

"But, we can't!" My remark was unexpected causing everyone to stare at me like I was crazy.

I continued trying to be convincing for the little slob monster's sake, "Well just look at him! He can be sort of cute when he isn't doing anything. Please, can we keep him?"

"You want to keep it?" Edward gazed at me bewildered.

"Sure! Come on guys. All in favor of keeping the slob monster raise your hands!" To show I was serious, I raised my hand. It only took one look for Edward to shoot his hand up as well.

BARK!

"Aww guys look! He wants to stay too!"

Emmett studied the dog before him for a brief while before his hand also went up.

Rose smacked him on the head, "Emmett! I don't want that dog anywhere near me!"

He just shrugged his shoulders, "Well I'm okay with it. He could be fun to mess with!" I was satisfied with the results. I knew neither Rose nor Alice would agree, and Jasper, smarter than Emmet, would back Alice up no matter what.

"There see! Four against three, he stays," I claimed triumphantly.

"Hey how is that four against three?" Alice huffed crossing her arms defiantly.

"Well the slob monster voted for himself and I say that counts since I started this!" I don't know why I was fighting so hard for the dog, but I won out eventually. Alice saw I wouldn't give up so she gave in instead of arguing.

"What should we name him?" My question was directed toward Edward, but Emmet answered.

"I say we just name him Slob Monster. Its simple enough and dead true."

"Okay then it's settled. Welcome to the family Slob Monster!" I was going to reach over and pet him but then I thought better of it. I didn't want to accidentally set him off on another slobber attack.

"Fine, but only until the week is up…"

"Alice!"

"Bella calm down, we can find him a good home after okay? We can't keep him forever. Esme wouldn't like it much either."

At least he could stay for a while and then I would make sure he found a good home with a huge backyard. Maybe a farm would be suitable. I smiled at myself content with the plan.

"Okay so we have the dog issue settled, now what about Mrs. Pee on me?" Emmett chuckled throwing the dog two thumbs up.

"What about the Nut?" I questioned not looking at Emmet. Instead I was playfully drawing on Edward's palm and making him guess what it was. He was too good though. I mean how could he guess that I was drawing a unicorn?

"Well she brought a dog home." Emmett's matter-of-fact comment hung out there for a bit as we waited for him to continue, but apparently we would have to drag this out of him.

"And…" Alice tried. She was still half-hiding behind Jasper glancing at the Slob Monster every so often to make sure it wasn't suddenly coming to attack her.

Emmett looked thoughtful for a second before speaking, "Well this is her punishment on us, though a poor attempt. We have been playing a game, sort of like chess, and her last move was the dog. Hmm… that's let's say equivalent to taking out one of our Bishops. It is not as important as the Queen, though it was still a loss. I say we come back with the ultimate move and end this game here."

"A checkmate with no way out," Rosalie finished looking at Emmett proudly.

"So, what your saying is we need to come up with the comeback of all comebacks!" Alice squealed excitedly, dancing in her seat having momentarily forgotten the Slob Monster.

Edward smiled at his brother, "Wow, you actually had some intelligent thought processes just now Emmett. I think that's a first."

"I'm super smarter than everyone Geez," was Emmett's highly intellectual reply.

"Uhh yeah Emmett, you're super smarter," Jasper's eyes rolled at his brother.

The idea wasn't bad though, and I'm sure it would be very fun. I couldn't wait to see what Emmett had come up with. "So Em, what's the plan?"

He grinned at me timidly, "Well I haven't gotten that far yet. Any ideas?"

Alice tapped her forehead with a concentrated expression, "It should be something Big. We have to go out with a Bang."

"Our best prank ever," Rose added.

"Original, and very scary." Edward grinned next to me, winking when he caught my stare.

"Exactly…. But what?" Em just sat there puzzled like the rest of us, determined to have the idea of all ideas.

Scary, yet original… best ever… Big Bang… hmmmm. This needed to be so grand and amazing that the Nut will finally crack. When I tired to think of original, the only thing I could think of was this family. We were the oddest group you would ever find, even mystical and impossible. They could be scary…. I've got it.

A smile spread across my face as I realized I knew the perfect prank of all pranks, though it would be a bit risky, it was just too great to pass up. "Guys…" they all heard the excitement in my voice and looked up expectantly, "I have an idea."

A random thought struck me and I turned to Edward with a very serious face, "Edward did you know I love eating chocolate covered pretzels?" He just stared at me confused. "Well I do…. A lot." Alice heard my outburst and started cracking up. What? I mean come one, who doesn't love a nice big chocolate covered pretzel? **(A/N: Haha shout out to all readers of IEWIS!)**

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_**Emmett's POV**_

Bella only had the chance to tell us the gist of her idea before we had to keep up appearances and "go to sleep". At least my favorite little sister gave us something to think about. Seriously, she was an evil little genius! I have taught her so well!

Rose was digging through her closet for different outfits for our prank while Alice was online shopping for whatever materials we didn't have. I was secretly hoping she would wear her tiny little red dress she worn to club Purple Line, but she rarely wore the same thing twice. Jasper was in the attic searching through our old costumes and such for other materials concerning the prank of all pranks.

Meanwhile Bella and Edward were hashing out the specifics of the plan and I was memorizing lines. Not just a few, but an entire movie. My back was against the far wall as I sat on our bed with my laptop. This was going to be awesome!

"Found the fake blood Alice," Jasper hissed from above us slyly.

"Puurfect."

All of us worked on through the night, except for Bella and Edward who were sleeping. Well Bella was now sleeping and Edward was her cuddle buddy. Apparently Eddie was only good for cuddling since he is obviously never getting any….

"Emmett shut up before I come over there and make you," my dear prudish brother growled. Yeah Eddie boy, I'd like to see you try and leave Bella for two seconds.

He just hissed, fully knowing I was right.

Tuesday went much the same. We were all working, even Carlisle. At first he wasn't too pleased with what we were planning because it was risky or whatever, but we would be doing it at night while the cameras were away so we would be fine.

The Nut grew awfully suspicious because we all remained in our rooms for the entire day, well besides our occasional visit with Bella to finalize her idea.

By Wednesday morning we were all set and all of Alice's purchases had been safely and secretly delivered to her room for the time being. Though the cameras for the show would not be present, we installed our own throughout the house. It simply was too good to not record and add to our family collection of videos.

It was now about nine in the morning and we had all finally exited our rooms. Jasper and I were working on beating another video game for the tenth time.

"Mrs. Nutcracker?" Alice approached the Nut slowly with an innocent look on her face. Nice.

"What?"

"Well I bought tickets to a concert this afternoon and thought it would be great family bonding if we all went." This was new to me, and apparently everyone else.

Bella looked up from Edward's lap. I swear they are joined at the hip or something, "We're going to a concert?"

"Yes, the Jonas brother are playing in Seattle and I happened to come across pool seats for all of us!" Alice squealed and did a little dance.

A huge grin lit up my face as a boomed, "The freaking Jonas Brothers! God I LOVE them! They're all like:

So hold on! Hold on! Hold on! Hooold on!"

I did my version of their sweet moves as I danced around the living room, naturally playing a Bella and knocking into everything.

The Nut glared at me, but her gaze softened when she looked back at Alice, "Well since you have been so good for the last twenty-four hours, I will allow this family activity."

I whooped and cheered while everyone else just shrugged their shoulders. It seemed the Nut was softening up a bit. It almost made me feel bad about our prank, almost.

This concert was going to freaking rock! Okay so the Jonas Bros are no Hannah Montana, but they still rock!

"Dude you are so incredibly embarrassing I don't even know what to say," Edward looked at my enthusiasm critically. Okay just because he's not a rock star..,

"Neither are you!"

"Are to!"

"No, Emmett, You're not."

"I rock people's socks right off okay!"

"You have never even played a guitar Emmett."

"How do you know? I could have as a hu… umm before Carlisle adopted me."

"Yes because guitars were so available then Emmett."

"What are you to fighting about?" Bella asked looking back and forth between the two of us.

"Emmett thinks he's a rock star."

"I am."

"Sure you are, and I'm the president of glee club."

I smiled at him slyly before giving Bella a pointed glance.

"Hey Edward?" Oh yes, work that innocence shit, "I want to join the glee club at school."

"Really?" He looked at her as if she had another head, but I guess he just doesn't realize how much Bella loves me! Haha she loves me better!

"Shut up Emmett. Bella why?"

"Because it would be fun, and you are going to become president." Her smile was innocent although her motives definitely were not. You rock Bella!

"Honey don't listen to Emmett, I am not going to…"

And cue the pout. Bella pulled away from Edward and whispered a please, even going as far as to look up at him through her eyelashes. Damn girl.

"Ugh okay, I'll be president of glee club." Edward threw his hands up and sent a harsh glare my way. Whatever, I so won.

I crossed my arms with a smug expression, "Which means…"

"You are a rock star," Edward rolled his eyes muttering, but he still said it!

"Boo ya!"

After the humans ate and the vampires faked, everyone piled into our many cars and headed for Seattle. I of course was driving in my second lover.

Ever nosey and retarded, Edward just had to comment on my thoughts, "Emmett please stop calling the jeep you're lover or else Rose may get a bit jealous." So maybe this was payback for using Bella to sway him, but she did it of her own free will!

"Emmett McCarthy, this jeep is your lover? Good, then you don't need me." Rose stomped off to Alice's Porsche with Bella.

"Damn it Edward!" He just smirked at me before piling into my jeep with Jasper. Great now I can't look at my girl for like an hour. And crap, now I have to drive Nutty.

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!" I would have sworn I heard Jasper scream.

"Ever since the drive back from the theme park I swear Jasper has had nightmares over road trips with the Nut. I honestly don't know why it was that bad.

---

The concert was being held in a dirt field just outside of Seattle. There was a huge transportable stage set up, complete with a fog machine, strobe lights, and special effects. I was practically bouncing as much as Alice as we made our way to the front. How Alice was able to get front seats the day before was just proof of her uncanny ability to shop for anything and everything.

The Nut was actually hiding behind us glaring at any person that came too close, muttering evil over and over. Seriously she needed to liven up.  
I planted myself front and center with Rosie on one side and the Nut on the other. Jasper and Alice were on the other side of Rose, Jasper farthest away, with Bella and Edward past the Nut on my left.

"So Nutters, are you excited?" I yelled down to her. The crowd was roaring, as the concert was about to begin. Thankfully it wasn't raining today.

She didn't reply, just muttering evil a couple more times. Due to our foreign nature, the fans around us gave us some space. It was great to not have sweaty human bodies shoving against me. That was kind of gross. Well I wouldn't mind little Bella though.

Edward growled at me but I just shrugged. I was giving her a compliment Geez.

The Joe Bros finally entered he stage starting it off with S.O.S. Naturally I sang along with them. I was getting really into it when I finally saw my chance.

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_**Alice's POV**_

I didn't buy these front row tickets just to watch the Jonas Brothers strut about a stage singing or whatever. I bought them because of what I saw would happen at the concert and I thought we could use it to butter Nutter up for later. I decided it would be worth it in the long run, so why not. It's not like my family doesn't naturally stick out everywhere we go, so being the oldest crowd at the concert wouldn't be so bad... I hoped.

The girls and I had a blast on the drive there. Singing along with the radio and cracking jokes at our men's expense, mostly Emmett though.

"He can make love with that stupid jeep all he wants. I mean I understand a man's love for cars. That's just great, but my husband has taken it too far this time. Seriously, his lover!?"

Rosalie was still huffing in her seat at the all-ridiculous Emmett. It was really funny though, especially her payback.

"You going to let him get away with that Rosalie? I mean I know he won't be getting any for awhile, but you guys have all of eternity for that… maybe you should spice up your revenge a bit," Bella grinned slyly from the front seat, her body twisted to face Rose.

I giggled, "Bella we really have corrupted your innocence. You're a revenge seeking monster, and a good one at that!" We all laughed together.

Rose's face grew determined and scheming, "You know, you're right Bella. Of course if Emmett's going to treat his car like his lover, then he better do it right. As his wife I should personally make sure he isn't spreading his seeds without protection…"

I smiled knowingly while Bella remained lost, "I fail to see where you're taking this Rose?"

"Birth Pills." Another giggle escaped from me, and soon I couldn't' stop laughing. Rose took it up form there.

"Yes Alice, birth Pills. I am going to fill his entire gas tank with birth pills the next time he asks me for a tune up!"

Bella and Rose joined my outburst of laughter; probably making us look a wee bit tipsy to anyone else on the road. I swerved the car a bit as well hoping there was a cop around. They were always fun to mess with.

Bella sobered up first and looked at Rose seriously, "Rosalie Hale, I am honored to be friends with a diabolical genius such as yourself."

"The honor is all mine Isabella Swan, you services in our pranking schemes have been noteworthy as well."

We made it to the concert shortly after the boys. Indeed a cop did pull us over, but our encounter only lasted about three minutes. Rosalie and I worked our feminine charms on him with expertise. I even managed to get Bella to help a bit as well since she was sitting right next to me. I pretended to wipe a tear away commenting that my little human was all grown up. Bella rolled her eyes, but I could tell she was pleased with herself. Her confidence was steadily increasing with mine and Rose's encouragement.

The concert began with sparklingly lights dancing around the stage and everyone seemed to get pretty into it. I even caught Nutty bobbing her head the tinniest bit. It was fun sure, but I was still waiting. Finally Emmett's favorite song came one. Hold On.

Emmett literally screamed like a girl and started jumping up and down like he was mad. Picture an insane fan girl meeting her favorite artist in person… got it? Okay now replace her with a large burly vampire named Emmett and times the excitement by ten. Yes I know, a bit scary but oh so hilarious!

Everyone around us actually stopped watching the concert just to stare at him. Once they started to sing the main chorus, Emmett lost all rationality. He raced for the stage, thankfully at a humanly speed, and pulled himself up in one swift movement.

The bodyguards surrounding the stage looked dazed before they attempted to follow him, but were just too big to pull themselves up as he did. You would think they would grow a brain and use the side stairs.

Emmett approached the closest Jonas, who happened to be Nick, and stole the mike.

"REMIX!" He bellowed into the mike. The Jonas brother stopped singing but the music kept playing as Emmett's version of the song began. _**(A/N: Italicized is actual version, bold is what Emmett was singing)**_

**Rock on! **

_Hold on! _

**Cause you don't need a guitar to rock it out **

_Cause an empty room can be so loud _

**Just get Bella to, help you out **

_It's too many tears to drown them out _

**Let's rock on, rock on, rock on, rooock oon **

_So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on_

The Joe Bros caught on to Emmett's new version just as I knew they would and they began to sing back up for him. They had all the "Rock On" parts down perfectly as Emmett continued to sing. The crowd was going wild both laughing and cheering at the same time, while Edward stood there and pouted. We could all see his lips twitching though as he tried to repress a smile.

**Now Edward's glee club president (Rock on)**

_One single smile a helping hand (hold on)_

**And Bella is my new best friend (Rock on)**

_It's not that hard to be a friend (hold on)_

**So come on let's start a rock band (Rock on)**

_So don't give up stand til the end (hold on)_

**Cause now little Eddie cannot win (Rock on)**

_There's more too life than just to live (hold on)_

**Cause you don't need a guitar to rock it out**

_Cause an empty room can be so loud _

**Just get Bella, to help you out **

_It's too many tears to drown them out _

**Let's rock on, rock on, rock on, rooock oon **

_So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on_

**Edward's lame, can't feel the beat **

_When you love someone and they break you heart _

**But that doesn't mean, he can stop me **

_Don't give up on love, have faith, restart_

**Let's rock on, rock on, rock on, rooock oon**

_Just hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on_

The guitar man broke out in solo while Emmett started jumping around the stage copying crazy rock star moves. Then he got another brilliant idea and literally dragged the Nut up onto the stage. She was shaking and shocked stiff. Good it would work better now.

"Crowd surfer!" Emmett bellowed into the mike he still had before pushing the Nutcracker into the sea of hands. We all burst up laughing as she was passed around screaming hysterically. As if that would stop them.

Once she made it back to the stage, she was lifted back up to face Emmett. Her breathing was hard and apparently this was too much for her. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she fell backwards towards the crowd once again. The thing was, this time the hands weren't waiting to catch her. She landed with a thud on the dirt floor.

Everyone just stood silent staring at her for like five minutes. When she finally came to, the cheering started up again!

"The Nut lives!" The cheering roared even louder at Emmett's exclamation. He handed the mike back to Nick and made a dramatic bow before jumping off the stage.

We all made our way to our crazy brother and congratulated his insane rock star abilities. Even Edward cracked a smile before warning Emmett to never diss him on stage again.

The concert continued on uninterrupted from that point on, but we had enough. The Emmett solo was the highlight of the night and we did not want to spoil it. On our way out the Jonas brothers offered us autographs and free CDs claiming Emmett had made this the best concert they have had yet. We politely declined dragging Emmett away. All we needed was to hear him blasting their music.

I volunteered to take the Nut back in my car to give poor Jasper a break. Apparently his last road trip with her scarred him for life. Besides, she was so out of it I was sure she would just pass out once we left. Of course I was right.

Good, let her rest for now. She will need all the rest she can get before tomorrow evening, when the fun finally begins. Bring it Nutter Butter, you _will_ be cracked.

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**Sooooo how did you guys like it?? I think the start of the chapter was pretty stupid… but whatever. Hmmm what was your favorite part???? Okay so two things, one I know you guys have been waiting to hear Edward's embarrassing story from chapter 9. Also, you guys don't yet know what was so traumatizing for Jasper on the car ride home with the Nut in chapter 11. So here's the deal: Once I get 100 more reviews, so that would put it at 712 I guess, I will post one of those two outtakes. Yes, that means review like crazy guys!!! I know you can do it!!! I'm not saying I won't post the next actual chapter until then. I will do that when I have it written. But if you guys want to see those two outtakes, **_REVIEW!!!_**You have all been doing an amazing job of course, I just like coming up with crazy ideas and such. **

**I have a poll on my profile for which outtake you guys want to see more. So make sure to review and then vote on my poll!!! Thanks a million guys!! ROCK ON!!!**

**Hugs and Smiles,**

**Edwardluvr22**

**SIDE NOTE: NO, I do not like the Jonas Brothers. YES I know they are for like 12-14 year olds. NO you don't need to remind me over and over or even express your hate for them. It's called humor people, a joke. I though t it would be funny... make Emmett seem really stupid. That's it.  
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	17. Bite Me

**Happy Valentines! Hope you enjoy and please review :P**

**Disclaimer: Own Nothing.**

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**_Nutty's POV_**

I scrubbed my skin for the tenth time today under the powerful stream of hot water. No matter how much I cleansed myself both physically and spiritually, I could not seem to rid myself of the dirty feeling. My body shuddered instinctively as I thought back upon the night before. All those hands… touching me… rubbing me. EVIL!

That experience was one of the most horrid in my entire life. I was so effected I cannot even remember how I got back to the Cullen house. There was one thing I was most certain of though: I hate Emmett Cullen. Many a times I have considered the strength of the word, and I was fully aware of what this must mean. Emmett was the devil in human form. He pushed me off a freaking stage to be man handled! EVIL!

The whole Cullen family probably ruled hell. Two more days until this nightmare would be finished and I could go home to my family. I always thought that my girls were never perfect enough, never good enough for heaven. Now though I have realized they are heaven in this hell. I miss my girls terribly, and I miss my husband.

My girls, Jena and Lisa, deserved something big. Normally I am not one for parties or anything of that kind, but I think that if we have God involved at all times it will be fine. Maybe I would let them have their bible study friends over?

All I knew at the moment was that my family was great and this family was… torture.

"The movie starts in fifteen minutes Nutcracker!" Alice's little voice called to me from the living room. It was now Thursday night, about nine o'clock, and I was being forced into movie night. The Cullens claimed it was in apology for the previous incident and that they would watch any movie I wanted. There was only one catch. I also had to sit through a movie of their choosing. This is why I am currently cowering in my room. It would have been better if they planned this movie earlier, before all the cameramen had left.

Earlier I had them all sit through two hours of Veggie Tales. My girls used to love it, and I doubted the maturity level of this household would surpass little children. Ironically enough, Emmett seemed to actually like it. I doubted it wasn't because he was in some way mocking all things pure.

"Cool! Guys look! They're talking vegetables! Man, I wish vegetables talked in real life," Emmett boomed once the movie began. He even caught onto the theme song and sung it around the house all day long. Maybe it really did touch his black soul a bit.

Sighing I fixed my perfect bun into perfection. Not a single hair was out of place as I made my way downstairs.

All the windows were closed, and blinds down except for the large window situated next to the television. I noticed Edward, Bella, Alice, and Jasper all draped comfortably over the couch. If you ask me, their positions were pure evil. Both girls were practically sitting in the laps of the boys. Evil. Carlisle sat in an armchair and I took the one on the other side of the couch. Both Emmett and Rosalie were nowhere to be found.

I eyed the group suspiciously, "Where are those two devil children?"

Carlisle looked at me, no he glared at me. "They are otherwise occupied." Normally I would have yelled at him for being a horrible father allowing those two to be alone doing god knows what, but his eyes… had they always been that dark? Before I could reply his was facing the TV again. Goose bumps made their way down my spine.

"Were watching the 1931 Dracula," Edward said swiftly before pushing play. His tone reminded me of Carlisle's eyes… he sounded lifeless, inhumane, evil. Pulling my knees up to my chest in a very un-lady like fashion, I turned my attention to the movie. It was beyond evil, I knew, but it somehow seemed less threatening than the Cullens at the moment. I wanted to cower in my room again.

"One name stands out as the epitome of evil!" The words burst forth from the TV in the voice of the narrator. At the mention of evil I shuddered in fear. God help me.

Suddenly the quintessential figure of evil was staring at me, "I am Dracula!" A squeak escaped my mouth as I hugged my knees closer. I wanted to look away. I should have looked away. But I couldn't.

The narrator spoke again, "Dracula, the very mention of the name brings to mind things so evil, so fantastic, so degrading, you wonder if it isn't all a dream, a nightmare." Please be a dream. Please be a dream!

"But no, this is no dream. This is Dracula. The original terrifying story of a maniac and a man who lived after death, lived on human blood, took the form of a vampire bat, and lured innocent girls to a fate truly worse than death."

I doubt if I even blinked as the movie began, as Dracula killed, and Van Helsing lurked in the shadows of justice. Screams constantly tortured my ears, but I had no idea from where they came. Was it I? It seemed as if reality left me. An earthquake could have shaken the entire house down without the slightest acknowledgement from me at the moment.

"Dracula!" The movie ended. It was over. But it wasn't. I still saw the blood, the evil. My limbs seemed to be dysfunctional. I searched, but I couldn't find the light. Never before had I questioned the presence of God, but I wasn't sure if I could feel him. My entire being seemed saturated with evil and I wanted to scream again. I did.

"Mmm screams are almost as delectable as blood itself," an icy voice floated across my ears like acid. Slowly I turned and suppressed yet another scream. It was Car… no, it was Dracula.

My breathing picked up as I stared evil in the face. Its skin was as pale as snow, showing no life, and those eyes. The eyes that were blacker than night seemed to pierce my soul. It was terrifying and fantastic.

"I-I…stay a-away…" my voice seemed to have left me and only a raspy whisper left my lips. Panic took over and my mind chose flight. Darting quicker than I thought possible, I raced towards the front door, barely getting it open. I made to dash away when I was met with it again. Not a second before it had been behind me but now…

"Not so fast my precious. Won't you at least stay for dinner?" A maniacal laugh filled the silence. He walked closer to me as I retreated. I tripped over the lamp table, but never hit the ground.

"Your blood smells divine Nutty," Jasper hissed in my face having caught me. His arms were so cold it felt like ice piercing through my clothing. Without warning I felt a fear and panic so great I was overcome. Surely I would die tonight. They were evil, as I had thought, only much worse than I had anticipated.

Carefully he stood me up looking at me with nothing but thirst in his eyes. Two other figures joined the darkness forming a circle around me. There was no escape. Somewhere came a faint glow of light and I caught sight of every face. Carlisle, Jasper, Edward, Emmett. All beautifully evil, eyes depthless pools of darkness, fangs sharp and threatening. Large dark circles that seemed to sink into their faces surrounded their eyes. They each wore old-fashioned dress shirts, black pants, and flowing silken cloaks, red on the inside and black on the out with a high collar fanning out behind their heads in true vampire fashion. They were vampires in the flesh; the undead come to kill in the name of evil.

"Look at the neck on this one brothers. I can practically taste her sweet red honey," Emmett's voice was deep and menacing as his harsh gaze never left my neck. I was never wearing my hair up again if I made it out of this. That though was a high improbability.

"Yessss," Jasper was hissing again, the circle growing smaller as they all moved towards me. My heart was flying like a humming birds wings. I think it knew it didn't have much longer to beat and wanted to get out of life as much as it could. Sweat trickled down my neck and back, salty tears stinging my eyes. I was going to die. I was going to be murdered, drained dry.

"Please," I whispered only to be met with harsh cackles. They were all about a foot away from me when I finally caught hold of the light. It was growing stronger, blindingly so. Someone grabbed my hand and dragged me towards the light while the vampires shrunk away hissing in anger.

The light grew dimmer as I hurried up the stairs behind my savior. I was pulled into a bright room, the door shut and locked behind me. Still accustomed to the darkness, it took my eyes awhile to adjust. When they did I almost screamed again.

"Stacy calm down, we are not the ones you should be afraid of," Rosalie demanded. Normally she was tough as nails, but I could se the tears streaks down her face and pure fear radiating from her form. Bella was curled up next to her shaking while Alice came from behind me to join the others.

"W-what's going on?" I asked. Was I going to die or not? I was at least sure that these three were not evil. Their eyes were all the normal honey gold, while Bella's were that deep brown. They were exactly as they should be.

"We are in grave danger Stacy. Those monsters will not stop until they have drained every last one of us." Rosalie seemed to be the leader at the moment.

"Why? What about the show?"

"What show?" Now all three were looking at me as if I were insane.

I huffed and crossed my arms shifting uncomfortably when I felt the sweat stains, "Trading Spouses. The live television show about our families treading wives that put me here in Forks, Washington."

"Stacy were you hit on the head? It is 1931 and you are in England, Dracula's castle to be exact. Don't you remember?" Alice's words hit me hard. England?

"No…"

"Very well, you must have been hit. Isabella, Mary Alice, and I accompanied our husbands to this castle in jest. What was unknown amongst us was that the tales were dreadfully true. Dracula changed my beloved Emmett, and their Edward and Jasper."

For the first time, I noticed the room and their apparel. Each young lady was wearing a lovely dress of old. Rosalie's was a fiery red, lacy all the way down, flowing out gorgeously about her sitting form. Alice was dawned in a deep green gown, just as spectacular as Rosalie's but less puffy to fit her petite figure. Isabella as well had an old-fashioned dress, hers a soft blue made of silk with just a bit of lace around the edges.

The room itself screamed the 1930s. A large bed dominated the room; dark red and black spirals covered the main blanket with red silk sheets. A large canopy enveloped the colossal piece in a soft white. Various dressers and chairs, all wooden and intricately designed, made up the rest of the room. There was no way this could be the Cullen's house.

"What are your last names?" I hesitantly asked, having to know if I was either insane or if this was real.

"I am Rosalie Hale, this is Alice Whitlock, and Isabella Masen." Rosalie rubbed Bella's shoulders encouragingly while Alice fluttered from window to door again and again making sure everything was sealed and no one was coming. I was convinced. Somehow I was in 1931 England.

"And what is my name?"

"Yes, you did hit your head pretty hard. Alice will you look at her?" Alice practically danced to my side before checking my head delicately, "You are Stacy Nutcracker of course." At least I was still me.

"I think we should go out there. We cannot stay here, they will find us." Bella stood up and started for the door. Was she insane!

"NO! Silly girl, they will kill you! I say we stay until morning." Forcefully I blocked the door.

Alice looked thoughtful for a moment before she spoke, "Isabella's right. We are in their house and they will find us if we don't keep moving. I think we should leave at once, and try and make it to an exit. As a group of four we would be too obvious so we should go in groups of two."

"Yes, Alice and I will go up the stairs and you and Isabella go down," Rosalie was firm in her decision, but I still doubted their plan. I was not given much choice though as Bella threw open the door and made her way down the stairs with a candle in hand. As quietly as possible I crept behind her. I was scared quite thoroughly when I saw the spot the monsters had cornered me from before, but they were no longer there. I sighed in relief as we made our way to the kitchen and the back door.

My relief came prematurely though, because as Bella reached for the handle to freedom, a pale hand reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Isabella my sweet, are you trying to leave me?" Edward's silky voice stopped us both in our tracks. Bella dropped the candle and it went out with a soft whoosh. Darkness took over again.

"E-Edward, what are you doing?" I watched horrified as he drew Bella ever closer to his lips. I moved closer to help her but he hissed at me so fiercely that I could no longer feel my legs. Cold hands grabbed my arms from behind and I screamed.

"Shhh Stacy," Dracula's cool voice sent trembles throughout my body. I hoped, prayed for the light to return, for Alice and Rosalie to come to our rescue, but instead I was met with two more vampires. Emmett and Jasper stalked in carrying the limp bodies of the girls. No. No! NO!

"Y-you killed them!" My panic was clear n my voice as tears seemed to endlessly flow down my face.

"Ahh but is that not how we survive Stacy? You should know." Dracula's grip on my arms tightened as I attempted to pull free. The stone like grip did not move the slightest. It was hopeless.

"Edward please don't," Bella's voice called out weakly returning my attention to them. Edward chuckled quietly at her before kissing her neck softy. Her whole body went limp in his arms. Slowly his mouth came around her neck, his fangs shinning brightly before they were no longer visible. She gasped and then moved no more. Her life was over. Carefully he set her body on the ground and turned to face me.

The narrator's words from the movie practically screamed in my head, "But no, this is no dream." Where was that Van Helsing when you needed him? Was he stopped indefinitely before he could end the evil?

My eyes grew wide as I saw the blood around Edward's mouth and his eyes glowing a bright red. He was truly a monster. He murdered the one he claimed to love most, took her life, drained her dry of her only life source. If he really loved her, how could he have done it? How could he even have stayed around her if he knew he was such a danger to her very life?

Surprisingly, Edward seemed to flinch as if hit. Then ever so quickly his horrific nature took over again. Dracula let go of me as they formed a circle around me once again. I looked dejectedly down at the bodies of the three lovely young ladies. Upon each, two spots on their necks marked their cause of death. Soon my neck would have markings to match theirs.

"Time for your life to end Stacy." All four of them formed a circle around me yet again. They were oh so close before it became too much. Mercifully, complete darkness clouded my already limited vision and all conscience thought left me.

"My girls," fell softly from my lips as I slipped away from coherency with my own family in mind. It was better to not see or feel my life leaving me. Too not feel my death.

----

I was covered in softness and a bright light was shinning in my eyes. I heard voices chatting from somewhere far off. Was I dead or what?

My eyes opened slowly to find myself in the Cullen's guest room. I sat up quickly and looked around dazed. What was going on? Maybe Van Helsing did save me.

I got up and made my way to the door and down the stairs with caution. The main clock told me it was three in the afternoon. In the living room the whole Cullen family sat conversing happily. The usual cameramen sprinkled the room catching the daily life of this family.

"Oh, morning Nutty! Or I mean afternoon!" Emmett waved at me boisterously just as he normally would. I just gazed down at them in confusion.

"Y-you… what? Why are you guys here? Rosalie, Alice and Bella are dead and the rest of you are vampires!" My voice was shaking as I accused them not even caring about the strange looks I was receiving form everyone.

"Nutter Butter I think you had a nightmare. You fell asleep during the movie last night so we woke you up and sent you to bed. You must not have been all that conscience walking up there though." Emmett returned his attention to Rosalie who was flipping through a car manual. It was all a nightmare?

"No, it was real! I saw it! I felt it!" I was screaming hysterically now just grasping for some form of reality.

"It was a dream. Are you okay?" Alice looked at me with concern in her eyes. I looked at each of them carefully and realized it was just a dream. They were all fine.

Remembering my promise from before, even if it was during a nightmare, I pulled my hair out of a bun and let it flow about my shoulders. With a stiff smile I made my way back to my room to shower and get presentable.

Although it was only a nightmare, my life would change. No longer would I live for my dead father, but I would live for my family and myself. If my life really were taken I would regret many things, but not anymore. Things would change; I would change.

"I'm sorry daddy, but maintaining order isn't everything," I sighed before stepping into the shower with the first real smile on my face in years. I felt free from the constrictions of grief, I felt alive. I felt like Stacy Nutcracker the wife, mother, and friend.

* * *

**_Esme's POV_**

I laughed into the phone as Carlisle was telling me about the fantastic prank he and the kids pulled on Mrs. Nutcracker. After everything he told me about her, I was glad they put her in her place. Apparently she was a changed woman though and had been acting like a normal human all day back at home. I was glad to hear it.

"Honey I have to go, the girls are back. Love you," I chirped before shutting the phone and going to meet the girls.

"How was bible study?" I asked with a smile on my face.

"Oh Auntie it was so great! Everyone loved our new outfits and we even made a few friends!" Jena was talking with a large grin while Lisa just nodded enthusiastically beside her. I had been heartbroken when they had told me how no one wanted to hang out with them because they dressed weird and had a scary mother.

"Yeah, and Stephenie invited us to her birthday party later today! Can we go please!" Lisa pouted at me with puppy dog eyes. How could I resist that?

"Well you have to check with your father," I said slowly. He entered just in time nodding in approval. "It's settled then. It's time to shop for a gift ladies!"

The girls squealed in excitement racing towards the car. I followed them and drove towards the nearest mall. The whole way they talked with me about their day and what they thought their friend would want. We even did a bit of singing to the radio when a song they knew came on.

We walked around the mall talking and laughing occasionally. I was very content with my family, but they were all older and able to manage completely on their own. It was nice to have little ones replying on me for so much.

"Auntie look! They're so pretty! Can we get them for her?" Lisa's nose was pressed against the window of a jewelry store. A simple pair of sterling silver earrings shaped like flowers sat in the window. Right away I had it in a bag and paid for. After we found a bag, tissue paper, and a card, the girls sat on a bench to put their gift together.

They looked so concentrated while writing their card, decorating it with balloons, cakes and hearts. Once they were done I pulled out a two pairs of silver earrings shaped like angels that I had purchased along with their friend's gift. These girls truly were angels and when I saw them I couldn't help but buy them as well.

"Girls," they looked up from admiring their work, "wouldn't these look pretty on you?" I slipped a box into each of their little hands smiling. The way their faces lit up was like sunshine on a rainy day. Glorious.

Squealing happily, they helped each other put on the jewelry. "Thank you Auntie Esme! We love you!" They chimed together. I simply smiled back and took them to get ready for the party. A little make up and nice clothes would make them look very mature and fashionable. Living with Alice for so long one couldn't help picking up a few, or maybe a lot, of tips and fashion knowledge.

They had fun with their little make over, especially when I styled their hair simply yet elegantly. I doubt anyone could smile as much as these two girls, and their smiles at the same time were incredibly radiant.

Of course they were the most beautiful young ladies at the party, and I was as proud of them as any mother, or Aunt, would be. Then again, I may be a bit biased.

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**Hope you enjoyed! Obviously this chapter was a major turning point as we start wrapping things up. So… do you think Nutty's new outlook on life will last? REVIEW! Please ;P**

**Again HAPPY VALENTINES! Oh and reminder, we are almost at our goal which means…. Outtake!!! So get reviewing ladies and gents!**


	18. Edward's Embarassing Story

**Congratulations guys! You have officially earned yourselves this special outtake. Okay so maybe the idea of it was an outtake and when I went to actually write it I got a bit carried away… okay so maybe a lot carried away. So I guess it isn't really like an outtake anymore. But whatever, you all deserve it! Happy reading! Oh and I meant to get this out a LOT sooner but this site wouldn't let me log in for a couple days... weird  
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**FYI, this chapter is different, but I really enjoyed this shift from the usual. You'll see, but I hope you still enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Edwardluvr22 is not Stephenie Meyer. But they do share an insane love for all things Twilight ;P**

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**_Edward's Embarrassing Story: From Chapter 9_**

I turned to Bella, unable to believe that she was making me tell her the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. Unfortunately I could still remember it perfectly, stupid vampire memory…

Flashback

My hands glided over the piano keys easily as I played various songs of my own creation. Time slipped by as it always does, pointlessly dragging me through existence. I ignored the loving thoughts of my family members as they bonded in their separate rooms. I was happy for them, really, but that doesn't mean I wanted to hear every detail.

Decidedly, I had enough and took leave of the house for the forest behind it. Running through the trees I searched for a snack before I was forced to start my first day at a new high school… again.

Apparently luck was with me today. A mountain lion was resting just a couple miles to my left. I could smell the blood coursing through its veins already. My speed picked up as I raced toward the creature allowing my monstrous instincts to take control completely. I was no longer Edward Cullen, I was an animal.

The lion did not even sense my coming, easily dieing and feeding my thirst. I suppressed a moan as the warm thick liquid streamed down my throat. Such relief to feel the burning subside.

Unlike Emmett, I never played with my food. I was hunting for a reason and I carried it out for that reason alone. Quick and easy without making a mess. Well usually.

This time I guess I was a little too excited and I allowed a drop of blood to stain the front of my shirt. I hated the evidence of killing, even if it was just an animal.

With a slight flick of my arm I ripped the soiled shirt from my body, my skin shinning dully under the hidden sun. I gazed down at my perfect chest with a sick abhorrence. I was a filthy monster. Too perfect to be human, to wicked to be good.

Sighing heavily I made quick work of burying the drained animal and began walking back. I was in no rush to return to the love filled house of mine. I didn't belong there, but I stayed because I owed it to Carlisle. My movements made no sound as my body glided with an inhuman grace, again reminding me of what I was.

I was nearer to the road than I had expected, turning to stray deeper into the dark forest when something caught my attention.

"Ugh! Dead!" I froze as I heard a woman's frustrated voice coming form the roadside just a bit further down from me. "My stupid phone is dead, I have a freaking flat tire, and it's only my first week in this town! Ugh!"

My curiosity seemed to peak and since I had nothing better to do, I veered closer. I recognized the lady immediately, or her mind. It was Ms. Stubble, the new English teacher that would be replacing one that had previously moved. I had not met her in person yet, although I was already aware of whom all my instructors would be. It came as a precaution in this life to know whom you would need to act more acutely around.

Shrugging my shoulders I exited the forest and headed over to her car. I had just taken a life, be it animal or not, so I might as well help another. It will give me time to stall anyway.

"Excuse me miss, do you need some assistance?" My voice perfectly matched what one would consider calm and concerned. My acting skills were nearly flawless.

"Oh thank god, yes I…" she finally looked up from her tire and froze. In her mind I saw myself, but without a shirt on. Damn she was fast, normally it takes them a few minutes before they start making up fantasies. I looked down only to realize she wasn't fantasizing. I wasn't wearing a shirt. I had ripped it off. Shit.

"Uhh, I uhh was just going for a jog and I saw that your car broke down or something so umm if you need help I uhh guess I could umm…" stupid stupid stupid. This is what I get for trying to be nice.

"You went for a jog… in jeans… and no shirt… in the middle of winter?" Her voice was shaky but her suspicion was still evident.

"Yes," I stated firmly before bending down and changing her tire as fast as I could without giving myself away.

"Thank you…"

"Edward Cullen."

"Well do you need a ride somewhere?" Her tone was curious and still a little shocked at my appearance. Surprisingly she hadn't concocted any disturbing fantasies yet of bedding a kid supposedly half her age.

"No, I will be fine." I nodded at her before darting past the car and "jogging" home. Once I turned the bend and she could no longer see me, I ran into the forest and kept running until I reached the house.

Alice was waiting at the back door with a raised eyebrow. "So now you're a half naked hero? Really Edward?"

I just ignored her and raced up to my room.

Pause Flashback

Bella giggled at me a bit but then just cocked her head, "Edward, that's not so embarrassing. Besides you probably made that the best day of her life. I know I wouldn't mind seeing a half naked Edward."

She continued to chuckle but I refused to look at her. If I wasn't in the beginning an extremely embarrassing story I would have challenged her little half naked Edward remark, but that's just it, I was only in the beginning of the story.

"I'm not done Bella."

"Well then by all means, please continue half naked hero," she smiled at me jokingly. Great, she was already making fun of me and I wasn't even finished yet. I toyed with the idea of just leaving the story at that but then I would be disappointing my girl, and I could never do that.

Continue Flashback

The first week of school went by just as I had anticipated. Everyone stared, girls tried to flirt, and I did a whole lot of glaring and rejecting. I think I said no to at least twenty girls the first day alone. The only thing that could be considered a relief was the fact that Ms. Stubble didn't treat me any differently than the other students, not once mentioning or even thinking about the whole tire incident.

The second week began much the same. That is, up until lunchtime. As I approached my usual table with a tray of disgusting filth to keep up appearances, I noticed an envelope sitting on my spot. Great, now I have fan mail.

I tossed the letter into the trashcan along with the human food and left for my next class. I didn't think anything of it of course. No girls came up to me crying begging me to not toss out their love notes.

The next day though, it was there again. It looked exactly the same as the one from before. This time I gave it a quick glance noticing that my name was printed across the front in rather fancy lettering. If it was something dreadfully important I guessed the person would tell me themselves. Just like before I tossed it out.

"What's up with the letters Edward? You could at least open them," Alice looked at me accusingly. I didn't know why though. She probably knew they were just stupid declarations of lust in the name of love.

"Why bother Alice?" I mumbled picking at the food in front of me. I didn't think of the letter again… until the next day.

There it was, just sitting there mocking me. Seriously I just wanted to rip it up and burn it. But then again it probably would just magically appear tomorrow. Carefully I sniffed the table trying to look unsuspicious to the humans. No unfamiliar scent seemed to linger about the table other than my own and my family's.

Rolling my eyes and huffing in frustration I tore open the damn envelope and pulled a letter out. It was typed with black ink on white paper. Gazing over it quickly I was confused.

_In regards to Mr. Edward Cullen_

_My sincerest apologies but I would like to ask, demand, that you refrain from bothering my personal residence with your childish love letters. I have asked you countless times in such an indirect manner to prevent further intrusion to my life. I do implore that you end this charade immediately otherwise I will be forced to take this to the next level. I understand you are but a child, but these actions are both inappropriate and condescending. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation with this matter._

_The involved person_

I just stared at the offensive piece of paper with both confusion and furry. Who the hell did this person think she was, if they are indeed female? This was by no means what I was expecting.

"So what does it say Edward?" Alice's voice seemed a little too innocent, but I ignored her and instead tore up the letter and threw it away.

Alice shook her head at me, "Geez I'm sure that took a lot of courage for the poor girl to write. You could at least be a bit nicer in your rejection Edward."

"It wasn't a love letter, " I growled, "It was a rejection."

The entire table just stared at me before breaking out in laughter. Just great, draw more attention to us guys. That is perfectly suitable while trying to lay low.

"Reeejected!" Emmett shouted at me like I didn't already know. No, I wasn't bothered by the rejection but by the fact that one of these imbecile humans believed I actually wanted them. Idiot.

"Wow Edward, I never took you for the human type. But I guess if that's what turns you on…" Jasper trailed off smirking at me. Apparently "The involved person" wasn't the only idiot around.

"Look, I never went after anyone, someone just gave me this letter claiming I was invading their personal space with my love letters. As if I would ever stoop as low to hit on someone with childish notes. Besides, I am not interested in women." Shit, I so should not have said that.

"Woooow the Eddie boy finally admits it!" Emmett bellowed in my face. Shit. "I knew it! I so knew you were gay! So, how many boyfriends have you had behind our backs? Okay dude, please tell me you don't love me because that's just weird and I know you sometimes get a little comfy and…"

"SHUT THE HELL UP EMMETT! I'M NOT FREAKING GAY!" I yelled at him, my patience already thin as it is. Okay, so maybe that wasn't exactly a smart move either.

The entire lunchroom went silent; I could practically feel everyone's eyes on me. When I say silent, I mean there minds as well. It was quite nice actually, up until my words sunk in their pitiful minds.

_'Oh, so that's why he rejects everyone…'  
'Wow, why are all the good looking ones gay?'_

'Damn I'd like to see him in action…'

_'I knew it! He so acts gay, I mean look at his pants?'_

Wait, what the hell is wrong with my pants? They're freaking jeans! I stood up from my seat and walked swiftly out the room and straight for my Volvo. Screw my family, they could run home.

Pause Flashback

"Edward, you do know Jasper was right," Bella looked up at me with a big smile across her face.

I had no idea what she was referring to, "About?"

"You preferring humans. So does this mean I turn you on?" She winked at me and giggled. I just rolled my eyes at her.

"You know exactly what your effect on me is Isabella."

"So that is pretty embarrassing, although I'm pretty sure being a cross-dresser on TV would stump that." Damn, she had to remind me of that didn't she?

"Not done with the story Love."

"Well…"

Continue Flashback

My Volvo tore down the road at exactly a hundred miles an hour. I whipped the car into the driveway of the house, jumping out before it had even come to a complete stop and storming up to my room. With my music blasting, I was able to calm down.

Whoever sent me that letter is positively deranged. None at the school had been thinking about that letter though so I haven't the slightest idea who would make something like this up. It was ridiculous. No, I'm ridiculous.

"God Edward you are so stupid." I sighed to myself. Great now I'm talking to myself. Whatever, the point is someone is just messing with me. It's stunning really, I actually fell for it. Idiot.

Satisfied with myself and the fact that this little ordeal was over, I stretched my fingers and sat down to play the piano. It was my only escape from this world, my life an endless repetition.

The next day I was back to my normal detached self, and there was no letter. Relief doesn't even cover the half of it.

"So no stalker letters today Edward?" Emmett chuckled a piece of food at my head, and of course I dodged it before it even left his hand.

Glaring seemed perfectly suitable for a response so I did. Alice was particularly silent this lunch. Normally she was the most talkative. When I gave her a strange look she just shrugged and smirked. Whatever, if she wanted me to know she would just think about it.

Lunch and fifth period passed quickly for once, I headed for sixth period and made my seat just as the late bell rang. We had a substitute today, which was odd considering this is Ms. Stubble's class and she hadn't been teaching for more than a week. A break so early seemed weird.

If I thought that was strange, it was even stranger when my name was called over the intercom.

"Edward Cullen, please report to the Principles office immediately," it cut through the normal pre-class chatter as everyone turned to stare at me with bug eyes. I sighed and slipped from my seat and out the door. They probably wanted to give me an award or something like that for my perfect scores on… well everything. It was a bit early for that though; I mean I had only been attending this school for a little over a week.

I strolled confidently passed the front desk making my way to the back office. My power was at a dull roar allowing me to ignore every thought for the most part, but I focused on the principle to see what this was about.

_'Never had this situation before… how do I approach this?'_

What situation. Damn why couldn't he think specifically.

Knocking on the door twice, I awaited his beckoning comment before I entered. I should have been paying more attention because I was a bit shocked when I saw not only the principle but also Ms. Stubble sitting around his desk.

"You called for me sir?" My tone was as innocent as I could manage hoping I could charm them into making this quick. I nodded politely toward Ms. Stubble but she just cringed away and huffed in annoyance. Okay?

'_Why me? Why me! Only been here how long and I get stuck with this, ugh!'_ Damn unspecific thoughts. What is going on?

"Yes Edward, we have a bit of a situation on our hands. I'm sure you have figured out what I am referring to already," the principle had his fingers interlaced on his desk and a serious, drained expression.

"Actually I am unaware of why my presence is necessary."

"Stop playing dumb Edward, you very well know why you are here. I warned many times, but you have yet to stop! Really, I thought you were mature," Ms. Stubble all but shrieked at me. My head snapped in her direction with wide eyes. Oh fuck.

"Ms. Stubble, if this is in reference to the love notes, I…"

The principle interrupted me, "So you admit that she received love letters in your name?"

"Well I guess, but…"

"And you did receive her letters requesting you to cease."

"Yes I did, but I…"

"You are well aware she can press charges of harassment Edward, correct?"

"What? Listen, I can explain."

"I do not wish to hear your explanations Edward. As long as this behavior does not continue, then I'm sure Ms. Stubble will be so kind as to overlook this incident."

I sighed running a hand through my hair trying not to scowl, "Yes sir. I apologize for any inconvenience Ms. Stubble." My voice was unwavering yet I was fuming inside. What. The. Hell. This lady was like fifty years old!

Her face seemed to soften up a bit and I knew I was effectively out of trouble… for now at least. "Thank you Edward, you may return to class." I nodded at them once again before striding out of the room. Once the door was safely closed behind me, my façade diminished and I stormed out of the building.

"Alice, what was that!" I hissed into the empty hallway, listening for her mind specifically.

_'Oh sorry Edward, I forgot to warn you. That kid, Jared Stevens, has been sending those pranks because his girlfriend likes you.'_ I was so pissed I ignored her hesitance with an explanation, or the way she rushed through her words as if it were an excuse.

Silently I waited outside Jared's last classroom planning to end his prank rather effectively. No, I wouldn't kill him, but oh did I want to.

The boy walked out of the room a few minutes after the bell clueless. His thoughts were on some girl I assumed was his girlfriend. Vaguely I remember her as one of the girls I rejected my first day.

"Jared," I growled as he passed me. Instantly he froze and gazed at me wide eyed. I almost smirked, as I smelled his fear. Yes be afraid little boy, be very afraid. "Can I have a word?" I didn't wait for a response before I started walking away. As if he had a choice, he paused for a second before following.

Once I reached the end of the campus I spun around to face him. No one was near.

"Did you think your little game was funny?" Through his mind I saw that my eyes had blackened significantly.

"W-what game?" Instantly his mind went to Ms. Stubble and I saw his memory of handing her a letter… with my name below hers. Yes, he was the one.

"Don't mess with me or you will truly regret it, understand?" He nodded, his whole body shaking at the same time.

Stepping closer so that I was in his face I growled, "If I ever hear of you trying to be funny ever again I will not refrain from tearing you apart piece by piece."

The shaking got worse and I swear I saw a wet stain forming on his pants. That wasn't a broken water bottle. With one last glare I waked away. Finally, this shit was done and over with. Damn prick thought he could be funny. Idiot.

Pause Flashback

Bella smacked my arm with an annoyed look. "Edward! You are so mean! How could you do that to the poor boy?"

I played along and rubbed the spot she hit. "Love, at the time I thought he was trying to blackmail me or something with the letters."

"At the time? So it wasn't him?" She looked at me confused, but I just placed a finger over her delicate lips.

"Shh, let me finish."

Continue

The next morning the entire student body was gathered in front of the school building gaping, their heads in constant motion from the wall to me and back again.

"He's dead. I swear I'm going to kill him." Both Emmett and Jasper were holding onto my arms literally holding me back from tearing that Jared boy a new one.

"Let go of me or I will tear each of you apart as well." My brothers both just tightened their grip.

"Edward calm down, you're making a scene," Alice hissed at me, but I thought I saw a smirk trying to break through.

"Making a scene? Are you serious! How the hell could I make more of a scene Alice! My damn name is tagged on the fucking wall along with 'I love Ms. Stubble' in a gigantic red heart!" I strained once again against my brothers. If Emmett wasn't so damn strong…

Alice rolled her eyes as if to wave it off as nothing, "You don't even know who did it Edward."

"It was that damn Jared whatever! Let me go!" They didn't let up and Rosalie was just standing there laughing her pretty little head off. Jasper kept trying to send me waves of calm, but I forced them off every time.

"Actually, I was wrong. He doesn't know anything. He is just the messenger."

I stopped struggling as it was getting me nowhere, "A messenger?"

"Yes, someone else writes the letter and makes him deliver them."

"Well then I will get him to tell me who did this and then turn him black and blue."

"He doesn't know, I already tried."

My jaw locked and nostrils flared. If someone didn't give me a name right now, I was going to murder the entire school.

'_Edward man, look I know this is… bad but killing anyone won't solve the problem…"_ Emmett started trying to be reasonable.

I wasn't being reasonable, "I beg to differ. No one can send damn letters or tag anything if they're dead."

Alice waved off Jasper and Emmett, but I didn't dare move when she was looking at me like that. _'Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you will not harm anyone. I will find out who has been sending the letters, but you have to get a hold of yourself. Blowing our cover over a silly prank is ridiculous.'_

I was hesitant, but decided that was best for now. Alice did see the future so honestly she would know best. Once the bell rang everyone headed off to class gossiping as expected while the janitors came out with large buckets of soap and water. The principal made me help clean the wall, since everyone assumed I did it. The only thing that kept me from going insane was Alice's promise. She would find the right guy to kill.

As Alice walked to her first period class I saw her practically fall over in laughter after freezing for a moment. She then whipped out her phone and walked away quickly speaking in soft whispers. Reasoning that she must have had another vision, I ignored her and focused on cleaning the vandalized wall. I was too pissed to pay any attention to her thoughts or visions at the moment.

One highlight though was on my way to lunch. Yes, I was stared at and talked about, but I could easily ignore that. It was Jared that made me laugh out loud. He was talking with his girlfriend when it happened.

"Oh Jared! You're so funny!" She giggled with a light blush. It wasn't funny, she was flirting, but Jared was obviously an idiot.

He practically screamed, "No! Don't say that! Please! I'm not funny I swear!" He saw me looking at him, and just for fun I glared and cracked my knuckles. "Ahhhh!"

He actually screamed and ran away with tears streaming down his face. How that little prick could ever get the courage to prank me in the first place was ridiculous. Alice was right; he was just an accessory, unnecessary, and a complete imbecile.

Just as I had expected when I made it to Ms. Stubble's class she wasn't there and once again I was called to the principal's office. The class stared at me with wonder and curiosity as I exited.

"I didn't do it," were the first words out of my mouth as I entered the principal's office for the second time. The principal and Ms. Stubble were present, but so was a David Charles, head police officer. Well shit.

'_I have never met such a troublemaker. Nothing can be good in this stupid little town… what will my parents think if they found out I had a teenage stalker!?'_

'_I have never had any trouble with the Cullen kids until now, so why does Edward insist on acting out? Surely he doesn't really like this teacher. Then again, the Cullens always were a bit creepy.'_

_'Never thought I'd get a call about the Cullen kids… especially on harassment charges.'_

Calmly, I clenched my fists and bore a tight smile. I was oh so close to ripping their heads clean off their shoulders in one clean swipe.

"Edward, please have a seat." The officer gestured toward the chair in front of him with that cop look, I'm right and you're wrong so shut up and listen to me because I have a fancy little badge and you don't.

"I didn't do it," I repeated in hopes that they would believe me this time. I even threw in as much vamp charm as I could, but it wouldn't fly this time. Damn.

The officer not so nonchalantly placed his hands on his hips so that his gun showed from beneath his jacket, "Look kid, that's what they all say." I contained my grin at his useless threat. I'd like to see him try and shoot me. When I thought it could not possibly get any worse… well you know what they say.

"Sorry if I kept you waiting, I was held up in the ER." Carlisle strolled in the room, his blond hair tousled slightly in his haste. He was still dawned in his green hospital scrubs with a serious and calculative expression. When the door closed a soft breeze sent Carlisle's hair and clothes fluttering erratically, the natural clean soap and books scent wafting all about us. **(A/N: One word, HOOOOOOOTTNESS!)**

_'Son you better have a good reason to be in the principal's office, especially since they had to call me away from work.'_

I looked at him apologetically but he could clearly see the annoyed look on my face.

"Dad they are wrongly accusing me of harassing Ms. Stubble, one of my teachers," I spoke aloud for the benefit of our audience.

Ms. Stubble huffed and glared, "Stop denying your actions young man! You sent me love letters in your name and then had the nerve to vandalize the side of the building!" Her shrieks were heard throughout the building and I mentally noticed other teachers and staff wince.

Calmly as usual Carlisle spoke, "I'm sure that there has been a misunderstanding. Edward would never do something so childish and irresponsible."

"That may be, but that doesn't resolve the fact that someone did do this and punishment needs to be dealt. If Edward cannot prove his innocence, then he will be charged with harassment." David spoke in a monotone voice bored already. I knew he didn't believe this was as serious as both the teacher and principal were making it out to be, but he had a job to do.

I caught Carlisle gazing at me quizzically. This was getting out of hand… how to prove myself innocent? I need something!

"I have a girlfriend." My eyes grew wide as I realized what I just blurted out. Crap. I swear if any of my family happened to be listening in, I would be dead meat.

"What?" Carlisle and Ms. Stubble asked at the same time.

Sighing heavily I glanced around nervously, "I said I have a girlfriend and her name is… is… Tanya, Tanya Denali. Yeah but she doesn't live here so that's why no one knows about her. Obviously I couldn't have been pranking Ms. Stubble as bluntly as the culprit has been otherwise I would risk upsetting my girlfriend." The words flew from my mouth before I could stop them. Idiot. I'm a bit fat vampire idiot.

Carlisle just stared at me shocked before gracefully gaining his composure. He simply nodded, although he was thinking the same thing as me.

_'Not such a smart move Edward.'_

"Edward, I don't think that can be considered a valid excuse if no one has ever seen this Tanya girl. For all we know you could be making this up to get yourself out of trouble." The principal looked tired and skeptic. Shit, how was I supposed to pull this off?

"Look, I am not lying. Really, you can trust me. My girlfriend Tanya, " I winced visibly as the words left my lips, "just doesn't visit that often. This whole ordeal is absolutely…"

"Eddie!!!!" I was interrupted when the door burst open and a high-pitched squeal met our cringing ears. Double shit.

She walked to me wearing a skirt so short it should be considered a belt along with a red rag supposedly a shirt. Really? It was under thirty degrees outside and the only article of clothing that was appropriate were her black knee high Uggs. Confidently, she strode over to where I was still sitting stunned, leaned down, and kissed me roughly on the cheek.

"What. The. He-"

"Eddie did you miss me?!" Tanya sat on my lap with big innocent eyes. My arms shook and my eyes turned a fierce black.

I swallowed loudly before turning my vicious glare towards the shocked humans, "May I introduce Tanya Denali, my… girlfriend."

Pause

"What! Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, are you telling me that you lied to me?" Bella looked at me both shocked and angry, the slightest hint of tears in her beautiful brown eyes.

When she tried to pull away I held her tighter and flashed the crooked grin I knew she loved, "Silly Bella, I would never lie to you. It's a story remember? Please calm down, you are and will always be my only everything."

Her small figure relaxed in my arms ready for me to continue although I was sure she was still having doubts. That was one of the many reasons why I loved her, so darn stubborn.

Continue

Carefully, I pushed the girl off my lap and gave her a warning glance. How and why she was here I would figure out later, but right now she needed to be good. There was no way in hell I would be able to keep pretending if she didn't stop.

'Oh Eddie, you know you want me. Alice specifically said that…'

"Alice! What does this have to do with her?" I forget about the audience, standing up and glaring at Tanya. She shrunk back from me for a few seconds before coming to some sort of resolve and glaring back.

"She called me and told me that you loved me! Everyone knows you do so just admit it Eddie," she sneered, flipping her stupid blonde hair and raising a daring eyebrow while glancing at the humans.

"Call me Eddie one more time Tanya." My words came out as a growl but at the moment I could care less.

"I'll call you whatever I want because you're my boyfriend baby bear." She walked up to me so that her filthy body was touching mine in all the wrong places. Roughly I shoved her back, growling full on now.

"I swear if you don't shut your mouth Tanya, you will regret it." She went to speak again when Carlisle placed a hand on both of our shoulders. His face was calm but his eyes were alive and warning, suddenly I remembered where we were.

All three of them openly gapped at us. Ms. Stubble was the first to speak, "See! He even treats his girlfriend like trash! There is no doubt that he has been invading my life in his spare time. He's a filthy little brat!" The lady fumed, pointing her finger at me accusingly.

My hand came up to rest on the bridge of my nose as I tried to calm down. Thankfully Jasper must have sensed the tension and helped everyone in the room. Remembering to thank him later I looked up at Ms. Stubble. Tanya came to my side and curled her fingers around my arm possessively. When I tried to pry her away she held firm so I gave up for the time being.

My voice was dead, defeated, "Ms. Stubble I sincerely apologize for your inconvenience. It was unacceptable to have sent the letters and vandalized the school. By any means necessary, I will strive to earn your forgiveness. It was not intended as truth, simply a prank that got slightly out of hand. If you would forgive me, I would greatly appreciate your mercy." With an innocent and remorseful façade, I looked up at Ms. Stubble from beneath my eyelashes and smiled slightly. Her sharp intake of breath and surprised face let me know that my actions were indeed working.

"Y-yes, I accept your apology Mr. Cullen. I assume this means there will be no more pranks?" I could have told her I was an assassin and she would have accepted it, I had completely won her over.

"Of course."

"One condition," the principal looked relieved that everything seemed to be working out, "Tomorrow an assembly will be held at lunch and you will apologize in front of the entire school. Ms. Stubble doesn't need to be gossiped about, especially since she is new here"

I hesitated briefly before accepting. If it meant that this could be over and done with, then I was willing to do almost anything. With Tanya still attached to my arm like a fly, Carlisle and I made our way out of the office.

Having taken only two steps outside of the office, I roughly shoved Tanya's cold fingers away from me. The fury was back, but not as forceful.

"Tanya, I am giving you two seconds to explain to me why you barged into my school office unannounced," my stare was harsh but she didn't seem fazed.

"You're the one who said I was your girlfriend so…"

"Tanya." My patience was growing thinner by the second.

"Okay fine. Alice called me this morning asking me for a favor. She said you needed a girlfriend and that I was perfect for the role. Of course I was only too eager to be of assistance, so really I don't see why you're upset. I just saved your dumb ass." She crossed her arms huffing in annoyance.

The vision. Alice must have seen my predicament and tried to help. My anger mostly dissipated as I mulled over my options. There is no way I was going back to class today, I probably needed to apologize to Tanya, and now I had to worry about giving a formal apology in front of the entire school for something I didn't do. This was shit. Seriously who in their right mind would prank me this freaking hard.

Suddenly time froze and my eyes grew wide. This had Cullen payback written all over it. If my siblings were at all behind this, they would pay.

"Tanya I'm sorry for getting angry when I should be thanking you. You do know that this was just a façade. You and your family have been great friends with mine, but that is all you will ever be to me, a friend."

She smiled sadly at me before shrugging, "And to think I got all dressed up for you too. Oh well, a girl can dream." I smiled at her kindly before trailing after Carlisle. It would be beneficial if I got my mind off this mess for a while, and helping out at the hospital seemed convenient.

---

"Edward, you forget who you are talking to. I did you a favor earlier and you owe me big so you will wear what I give you," Alice stood in room blocking the exit. Her eyes were livid and black, very black. Geez all I said was that I didn't like her choice of clothes. I can dress myself.

"Fine fine, cool it Allie," her nickname seemed to cool her off a bit, "I'll wear it if it means that much to you."

Her high-pitched squeal hit me right before she did, giving me her own version of a bear hug.

"You're the best vamp bro a girl could have!" She tossed the clothes at me and ran out of my room. Shaking my head at her, I dressed quickly and headed towards my Volvo. She had me in really baggy jeans, not quite falling off but getting there, and I simple green T-shirt. I didn't get what was so special about the outfit. It didn't seem like something Alice would suggest but whatever, even with my mind reading capabilities it was difficulty to truly get into her head.

Today I would have to give the apology and I really didn't think it would be that bad. I would simply say I was sorry that Ms. Stubble was pranked, but not directly admit to anything. There was no way in hell I would verbally admit that in front of the school, even if that was how they perceived it.

Since I was not particularly excited for lunch to come today, it arrived sooner than usual. I am pretty sure the clocks all seemed to be ticking by way too fast.

Upon entering the gymnasium, I noticed that most of the student body was already present. The principal directed me to the center and handed me a microphone. I was just about to begin when Alice danced over to me with a serious look on her face.

"Edward I know this is going to sound stupid, but you have to listen to me…"she finished off her statement in her head so as to not let it carry through the microphone. I looked at her as if she were crazy, which she probably was.

"Alice there is no way I'm saying that! You're completely insane!" My voice was low and undistinguishable by the device in my hand.

_'Trust me Edward, you'll have to. It's the only thing that will work.'_ With that thought, she left me standing in front of everyone bewildered.

The principal had a microphone of his own and began this assembly of torture.

"Good afternoon students. As you are all clearly aware, Ms. Stubble has been pranked numerous times by this troublemaker," he pointed at me with a glare before continuing, "So today he will be giving a formal apology. I would appreciate it if you would give Mr. Cullen your full attention." He stepped away slightly, gesturing for me to begin. I decided to ignore Alice's advice. It was too ridiculous.

"Fellow Students. I would like to apologize for any and all pranks and inconveniences that Ms. Stubble has encountered during her short time at this school. I…" Abruptly I was cut off by a song blaring through the speakers.

_**It's too late to apologize**_

_**It's too late**_

_**I said it's too late to apologize**_

_**It's to late**_

_**Oh yeah~**_

That chorus of the song continued to play over and over again while the school staff was trying to figure out where it was coming from. The entire student body was cracking up while I just stood there mortified. I couldn't understand why I was so embarrassed or afraid at the moment, it just didn't make sense. I almost wanted to run out of the room and cry. What the hell?

Knowingly I glared daggers at Jasper until he stopped his little games. My family was laughing at me along with everyone else, all except for Alice who was giving me a pointed look. I wouldn't do it.

The music finally cut off and I began again, "As I was saying, I am sorry that Ms. Stubble was pranked." I made to walk out when the principal called me back again.

"Edward that is not a sincere apology. You didn't even admit that you did all this to her and that you secretly have a crush on your teacher."

"What!" Now I was pissed, an emotion felt quite frequently as of late, "I didn't do it! I have been telling you that for the last couple days! Someone pranked her in my name!"

The crowd just murmured amongst themselves disbelieving while the principal grew impatient, "Edward you have no proof that you didn't, and your girlfriend doesn't prove or disprove anything! You could very well be lying right now."

I felt an overwhelming desire for someone to believe me. I didn't do this, and I would not take the blame for it and be seen as a pervert in love with a lady twice my supposed age.

Frantically, my eyes met with Alice's and she just stared back at me smugly. I had to do it, no matter how much I didn't want to. According to Alice, it was the only thing that would work.

My fists clenched and my words sharp, "Fine okay! I wet myself when I tell lies!" Everyone gaped at me but I continued, "I do not have any feelings save for respect towards Ms. Stubble and I am deeply sorry for this entire mess. A prank that went out of hand… someone _else's_ hand."

I was almost glad with the response, believing I could make it out finally when several things happened simultaneously.

An awkward wetness started to irritate my legs and upper thigh region. The students' faces turned from shock to even more shock to humor so great they were practically falling over each other. The silence previously present was gone swiftly as the entire gym was overtaken with unstoppable laughter. Looking down both confused and a bit horrified, I saw what would quite possibly be the death of me. My nose scrunched up in disgust once I saw that the entire front of my jeans were soaked, the wet spot still growing larger. It literally looked as if I had peed myself.

For a few seconds I stood there gaping at my legs actually thinking I did wet myself when reality kicked in. I'm a vampire. Vampires cannot wet themselves because they cannot pee. Thus, I did not actually wet myself. Staring closely I noticed an odd bump in my pants right where the water was leaking, and then I also noticed a tiny remote control device held delicately in Alice's hands. Her grin was huge as she too laughed at my predicament. I finally understood.

It was her. She was the mastermind and had been stringing me along with her promises of aide and logic of her gift. Wow, I had to admit, this pixie was damn good. That, though, would not save her.

Having enough of being a laughing stalk, I ran out of the gym at mostly a human pace. Once I made it outside I came face to face with Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie.

Emmett grinned at me mischievously, "One word Eddie my man, Payback."

"You were all in on this?"

"Yep, Alice just played the biggest role in carrying it out," Jasper smirked as well, sending another teasing dose of embarrassment my way.

"What did I ever do to you four to deserve this?" I truly wanted to know, because they weren't the type to pull something off of this scale without a reason.

"I think you know exactly what you did Edward," Rose hissed at me before turning and walking away with Emmett hot on her trail. It took me a few seconds before it dawned on me.

"Oh… that…"

Alice laughed at me once again, "Yes Edward, that."

I sighed and shook my head, mentally noting to never piss them off again," Fine we're even, but can we please leave this town. I don't think that… that thing I did warrants full time punishment."

"Of course, I already have the plane tickets booked and our new house being prepared. Esme likes the new place better anyway."

I nodded and followed my siblings to the car. Thank God this was over. I deserved it though, so I couldn't really be that upset.

End Flashback

"Wow," Bella sat next to me giggling.

I rolled my eyes at her playfully, "Yup… that's my story."

"That would be embarrassing… I can't believe you actually peed yourself!" She was full blown laughing now.

"I didn't pee myself, it was some sort of water gun thing Alice had in the pants she made me wear." And this is why I didn't want to tell her.

"Same thing Edward."

"No it isn't!"

"I have a question… what did it smell like?"

I sighed heavily, why did she have to ask? "Well Alice was very detailed in her prank so it… it smelled like pee okay?" More laughter broke free from her. And yet I had thought the laughing was done ten years ago.

"That's the same thing Edward. Why didn't you smell it all day?" The loud laughter slowly turned into quiet giggles once again.

"She had it in an air tight container. The scent couldn't leak out until she pushed the stupid button."

"Thanks for telling me your story Edward," my Bella smiled at me before kissing my cheek lightly. "I do have one more question though.

"Ask away," I smiled at her encouragingly. No matter what I was revealing to her, she could never truly make me feel uncomfortable. I would always answer her in the most detail I could no matter what. She deserved to know everything about me.

"Okay, what exactly were they getting payback for?" Just as she finished her sentence, her stomach decided to make its presence, and apparent hunger, known.

"Time to feed the human, " I quipped playfully.

"But I want to know!" She gave me a puppy look, and it took all of my will to resist.

"Sorry, but you need to eat."

"Please?"

My resistance was failing but I held for a bit longer, "Another story for another time love."

That seemed to appease her for the time being. She hopped up and skipped to the kitchen to make herself some lunch with me right behind her the whole way.

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**Wooooooooow. That chapter was a doooooozy! Now do you guys understand why I said I got carried away? Yeah, well I hoped you liked it! Please REVIEW lots for this chap, because honestly it took forEVER to create! Haha okay well go Review!! :P**

**-Edwardluvr22**

**P.S.- I have decided two more chapter for you guys..... one finishing up the week, and then the epilogue. Following which I will post the rest of my outtakes. So review a storm cause I am sorely lacking the umph to write the next chap, this one was by a couple thousand words my longest so I guess I am imagination restricted at the moment lol -_- REVIEW MY LOVLIES!**


	19. Cracked

**So sorry it took so long for me to post. My computer charger broke so it died and I was cut off from all things fic related for awhile. I planned more for this chap but it got pretty long so I split it into two. Please review guys! I've missed ya!**

**Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight related.**

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**_Edward's POV_**

It was Friday, the last official day of this wife swapping business. I couldn't say that I wasn't ready for this game to end, but it had its moments, my cross-dressing not being one of them. Rosalie kissing Alice to win the bet had also been the most gauche thing I had ever seen in my life. Last night was quite interesting for the most part as well—the act of play biting Bella had been a trying one—and the Nut was thoroughly frightened. I wondered if the night would have any effect on her. Well we shall soon see.

The Nutcracker descended the stairs with a look of utter confusion and complete trepidation about her. Now it was the time for real acting skills if we were to pull it off, though Alice had promised it would go smoothly.

I squeezed Bella's hand in mine and she smiled up at me before her gaze too fell on Nutty.

"Oh, morning Nutty! Or I mean afternoon!" Emmett waved boisterously, allowing us all to fall back into our charade easily.

Her voice shook along with her slightly trembling figure, "Y-you… what? Why are you guys here? Rosalie, Alice and Bella are dead and the rest of you are vampires!"

Collectively we expressed an atmosphere perplexity and concern for her mental wellbeing. Jasper helped our act by truly forcing the emotions on us all.

With a dismissive attitude Emmett calmly spoke, "Nutter Butter I think you had a nightmare. You fell asleep during the movie last night so we woke you up and sent you to bed. You must not have been all that conscience walking up there though."

I played with my Bella's fingers absentmindedly and feigned indifference to Nutter's state.

She started to scream at us but Alice calmed her down and soon she disappeared right back up the steps with a rigid posture.

"Wonder what that was about," I mumbled for the sake of the cameras.

"That one is quite the dreamer. I mean really? Vampires? Haha wouldn't that be awesome! Hey Bella don't you think it would be just awesome being a vampire," Emmett babbled on in a playful tone but I growled at him nonetheless.

"Actually Emmett it sounds pretty nice."

I stared at Bella in incredulity. Was she insane? "Nice Bella? You think being a mass murderer simply for the sake of satiating the filthy lust for blood is nice? Sometimes I really wonder what is going on in that head of yours."

She simply shook her head at me with a simple "Shut up Edward" and continued arguing with Alice as to why shopping everyday can be detrimental to one's mental state.

The rest of us were at peace just relaxing and mostly reminiscing about the last two weeks. It was difficult to fathom the fact that this whole experiment had lasted but two weeks, a very minimal time span for an immortal, yet it seemed as if it had been a lifetime. Weird.

Alice paused mid-sentence in her rebuttal when a sly smirk broke out across her face. She smiled wholly before skipping over to the computer and ordering party supplies to be delivered by tonight.

"Alice what are you doing?" I hissed in her direction.

'_You'll see Edward, you'll see'_ she thought smugly before grabbing her purse and waiting by the door for what I had no idea.

A few minutes later the Nutcracker bounded down the stairs freshly washed and all smiles. Yes, we definitely drove her insane last night cause I have never actually seen her smile of her own accord.

"Ahh Hello Cullen family! Again," she giggled to herself before tossing herself on the couch next to Bella and I. Everyone just stared.

"What? Geez you guys look like you've seen a vampire," she squealed in laughter again before her expression became serious. She looked at each of us individually and then proceeded to confound us further.

"So I had a bit of a epiphany earlier and I want to act on it as soon as possible." He smile was still apparent on her face and in her voice. I had never seen her so… optimistic.

"And your epiphany Stacy?" Alice beamed at the lady practically looking as if she would burst any second. I was bit scared, because Alice only ever got this excited when she could plan something big.

Stacy looked kindly up at Alice, all the while thinking of her two daughters, "I realized that life is worth living and that since you never know when your time is up, you should live it to the fullest. Screw order and perfection because in the end you will regret not having fun."

Everyone gaped at her, including myself. Not in a million years had I expected those words to exit her mouth. Wow.

"Crap! Hurry call 911 and I'll grab the car. Stacy can you hear me? How many fingers am I holding up? Carlisle do something!" Emmett scrambled in front of Nutty and started waving his hands in her face like a crazed man.

"Emmett…" I started slowly but he continued to freak out.

"No, we could get in so much trouble if she goes insane! I mean that would suck to have to wear a straight jacket and…"

"Wait, Emmett…" I tried again but he was hardly listening.

"Then her kids will die because their mom is insane and it will be in the news with the drawing and then the court will…"

I laughed out loud, standing up I grabbed my brothers shoulders and shook him a bit, "Emmett what the hell are you going on about? You are not making any sense." I grinned and chuckled at his awestruck face.

"Well you know, she is going to go home and like all the crazed people do she will put her kids in the closet or something and then they will die and then she will run away wearing a hoodie and then the police will have those sketch artists draw her picture and put it in the news because they are cooler than regular pictures and then she will be found like twenty years later and then in court she will be sentenced to…"

"Emmett just stop please," everyone was laughing at him now, "I don't think she has gone insane and everything else you just said makes no sense at all."

"Oh," was all he said before he turned to look at Stacy again, this time as if he was making sure she wasn't going to start convulsing and scratching symbols into the walls.

"Really Emmet I'm not crazy, anymore at least!" Stacy chirped.

Emmett hesitated before slowly, as if to not startle her, he reached out pushing the lamp next to her onto the floor. It crashed and broke, and all the while he kept his eyes on The Nutcracker.

"Wow, I guess accidents happen?" She looked up at him amused but otherwise it had no effect on her.

A goofy grin spread across Em's face, "I just broke a lamp… and you don't care."

"Uhh yeah…"

Emmett's booming laughter filled the room before he scooped her up in one of his classic bear hugs. "The Cracker has finally cracked!"

Stacy rolled her eyes once he let her go and she could breath again, "So I was thinking we could have a party tonight! You know, invite all your teen friends from school and have one of those crazy parties kids throw when their parents go out of town!" She was full in squealing Alice style by the end.

"You want to have a party here, a teenage party… do you know what happens at…" Emmett was bewildered but grinning at the possibilities.

"Yes! Everything! Tonight, so let's get planning!"  
Emmett deliberated for a few seconds before pumping his hand into the air, "Boo ya! Party time!"

Alice broke in and started ordering everyone around. Bella and I were given the task of calling all teens residing in Forks while Alice ran to buy decorations, food, and whatever party supplies she could get her hands on with Rosalie and Stacy. Carlisle, Emmett and Jasper were set to moving all the furniture down into the basement. This would have only taken a few minutes, but due to our human charade in front of the cameras, they had to "help" each other mover everything one at a time.

--

Fours hours later the house was almost unrecognizable. Alice had draped Christmas lights all along the driveway around each of the trees giving it a magical feel. The house too was covered in lights and balloons on the outside. Upon entrance the outside looked like nothing. Our living room had been turned into a dance floor, a DJ all set up in the far corner checking the sound system. Music was suddenly blaring loudly throughout the house.

A long table was placed against the far back wall covered in disgusting looking human food. It also had a punch bowl along with a bear keg. Yes, there apparently would be drinking at this party because Stacy thought it wouldn't be a party without it. I don't know if the producers of this show would do anything about the underage drinking, but they looked pretty excited just about the fact that the Cullens were so "resourceful" as Mickey put it.

Everywhere there were multicolored lights and even a disco ball directly over the dance floor. This party was definitely going to be the main topic in this small town for a long while.

Alice, Bella, and Rosalie were upstairs still getting ready. Stacy was wearing a simple brown dress that was modest, but still not a Nutcracker type thing to wear. I guess she really did go through some life altering change as a result of our prank. Still, I doubted it would last. I eyed her skeptically as she had already started on a red cup full of bear. This would be interesting.

"Oh boys," Alice called from the top of the stairs. Emmett, Jasper, Carlisle and I had been conversing lightly with the DJ.

We all spun around to gaze at our women. Alice came down first wearing a short turquoise dress that was strapless and fit her like a glove. The bottom of it puffed our just above her knees giving her the perfect pixie look. It was covered in sparkles and matched perfectly with her sparkling silver heels. Her hair was pulled up halfway and curled slightly at the ends. Jasper was practically drooling all over her.

Rosalie came next, of course dressed in the classic red, a favorite color of hers because it matched both her fiery personality and devilish sex appeal. The dress was so short I was surprised she could even walk, and instead of heels like Alice, she had gone with knee high black-heeled boots. There really was no shame when it came to Rosalie. Her hair was straight and down just as always. Emmet didn't bother to stare and drool like Jasper, instead he just ran up to his woman and took her. Well he really didn't take her, but he did practically eat her face while his hands scavenged her body like a starved man after food.

At last Bella descended, it seemed from heaven itself. Knowing it was my favorite color on her, she was clothed in a dark midnight blue dress that was floor length. This allowed her to get away with not wearing heels, instead going with a pair of black ballet flats. The dress was so low cut that came all the way past her breasts, only further accentuating her ladies. Her shoulders were entirely bare save for the thin blue strap that came around her neck. Alice had evidently curled her hair so that they bounced whenever she moved the slightest bit. She only wore light makeup but it was enough to give her an older more mature look. I practically died as my eyes roamed her body at a speed that almost made me dizzy. It wasn't until she placed her small hand on my chest and told me to breath that I realized I had stopped at all.

"Bella you look… my lord I cannot even think right now." She giggled and blushed a beautiful red at my obvious speechlessness.

Leaning down to her ear I breathed softly, "If we were alone right now, I would not hesitate to take you right here, right now." It was her turn to become speechless and stop breathing.

"No, down Eddie! I won't let you whisk Bella off to make passionate love while we have to deal with all the hum-… teenagers that will be eventually drunk and stupid," Alice scowled at me shaking a warning finger in her direction. I smiled innocently at her throwing her own pout right back at her.

She just rolled her eyes and mumbled "boys" before walking off to make sure everything was in order.

I turned to find Bella eyeing me up and down with obvious lust in her eyes. The love was there too of course, the love was always there.

"Like what you see love?" I grinned at her obvious appeal for my current attire. I was wearing a pair of dark jeans that were tight in all the right places, along with a button down black silk shirt. Knowing how much it drives Bella crazy, I left the top three buttons undone.

"I always did like you in black Edward, it contrast with your skin flawlessly," her voice was strong and suggestive, and I loved it. Rare was it that she had enough courage to act with confidence and play me to her will. I was too far gone now and didn't hesitate to bring her mouth to mine. I was just getting startled when suddenly she was ripped from my arms.

I growled at Alice who proceeded to drag my fiancé in the opposite direction claiming she needed Bella's help with something. Damn meddlesome pixie.

It was around 8:30 and the guests began to arrive. Jessica, Mike, Lauren, and Tyler were the first to show, all looking overwhelmed with their surroundings. I tried not to gag when Lauren unabashedly undressed me with her mind. I openly glared at her, which caused her to turn away, but the fantasies did not stop. Scowling I went to greet the rest of the guests. By nine the house was full of teenagers just barely starting to get tipsy.

I despised the stench of intoxicated humans probably more than anything, my whole family did. For such an annoying little thing, Alice sure was smart though. Se had fresh Freesia flowers set about the entire house overwhelming my senses with Bella rather than sweaty bodies.

Deciding that my guest duties were finished for now, I left the front door in search of Bella. I found her in conversation with the two shallowest and unintelligent humans I knew, Jessica and Lauren. Her eyes darted around her quickly as she looked for an excuse to escape.

"No offense Bella but your dress is rather slutty geez. Is Cullen not enough for you?" Lauren sneered at my love. She was entirely jealous of how good Bella looked and was simply pushing her own insecurities on someone else. Even so, I would not stand for this. I made to pull that nasty brat away from my girl when Alice stopped me.

"Don't Edward let her do this on her own," Alice looked at me with a knowing smile so I gave in. Simply watching like a hawk for my assistance if needed.

Bella spoke with a frown clouding her delicate features, "Look Lauren I get that your jealous, but really? You are entirely too pathetic for me to waste my time." She stalked off with a grace I have yet to see her carry. I spoke too soon, for she stumbled over nothing and began a downward fall. Of course I would never let the ground touch her though. Finally spotting my chance, I swooped in and caught her around the waist. She smiled up at me and kissed my nose gently before I righted her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Now she decides to be self-conscious, looking everywhere but my eyes.

"Bella look at me," She did and I continued with a large grin splayed across my face, "I am so proud of you. You are so much better than all the girls here and I'm glad that you are finally understanding that."

She rolled her eyes, "Hardly, I am just not in the mood to take her crap."

"Well then are you in the mood to dance with me?"

"Edward I can't dan…"

"So glad you will join me love." I dismissed her lack of enthusiasm and brought her to the middle of the dance floor. Pulling her close, I lifted her onto my feet before I began gliding across the room. I could tell she was thoroughly enjoying herself by the radiant smile and occasional giggle. What I would give to be able to make her smile like that for all of eternity.

"You will," she whispered softly to me.

"What?"

"You will be able to make me smile, make me this happy for the rest of forever Edward."

"How… Last I checked Bella, I was the mind reader not you."

She chuckled and shook her head, "I can't read minds silly, I can simply read you. You're my absolute favorite book!"  
"Better than Wurthington Heights?"

"Hmm I don't know, tough call." I glared at her playfully causing her bell-like laughter to ring out once more.

"I love you Isabella Marie Swan."

"And I love you Edward Anthony Masen Cullen."

I leaned in to kiss her when someone rudely bumped into us. Angry, I turned to unleash my annoyance only to find Stacy—A very very drunk Stacy.

"Oh Bella! Edward! You two look so lovely tonight! Ahh I bet Edward would look good in that dress too! Ahahahah oh my, why is the room spinning? HA!" She slumped over in hysterical laughter while Bella and I just stared at her in utter amazement.

"Uhh are you alright Mrs. Nutcracker?" I ventured to ask as she swayed in place. Carefully we steered her away from the dance floor; she was still laughing.

"Oh I'm just great! Oh let's go downstairs! Its too steenfy in here."

"Steenfy?" Bella giggled out in question.

"Yes, stuffy with teens!" She laughed again at her not entirely coherent joke and made here way towards the basement. The door was ajar and I could hear Jasper and Emmett cursing while their girls laughed at them. Curious as well as not wanting The Nut to fall to her drunken death, we went to follow her down the stairs.

"Edward, I'm going to go grab a bit of punch, I'll meet you down there," Bella smiled at me and made to leave but I stopped her.

"I'll get it for you."  
"No it's fine, besides, if The Nut falls you can catch her. I would probably trip and cause us both to fall to our deaths." I sighed at her pessimism but allowed her to go anyway while I went to find out what my brothers were up to.

As I reached the bottom step I saw my two sisters along with Nutty cheering Emmett and Jasper on. They had set up the TV and X-box and were now competing in a car racing game. Mike, Tyler, and Ben were there as well eager for a try themselves.

"NO! Damn it Jasper you cheated!" Emmett yelled throwing his hands up in the air. He never was a good looser.

"You're just upset because you can't impress your girl."

"Oh trust me, I don't need to win a video game to impress my babe," Emmett said coyly, winking at Rose suggestively. She made to scowl at him but we all saw the smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

"Hey is there room for one more?" I asked making my presence known.

"Come on down Eddie, I bet you could beat Jasper here easily. I just wasn't trying that hard."

"Sure Emmett, of course you weren't." I laughed at my insane brother before taking up his controller. We played for a while occasionally switching off with the human boys as well. They weren't that bad, but of course never came close to beating us.

I just finished beating Emmett's ass again when Bella finally showed up with a red cup in her hands.

"What took you so long?"

"I was talking with Angela is all," she smiled at me, but then her eyes wandered and she gasped and look at me with big eyes.

My concern spiked, "What's wrong."

"Umm Edward, just stay calm…"

"Bella…"  
"They're drunk and don't realize, really it isn't that big of a deal…"

She was really scaring me now. I turned around madly searching the room for the cause of her alarm. Then I saw it, and I would not be surprised if my eyes turned black. It wasn't until Bella touched my arm that I realized I had been growling.

Mike and Jessica, the two vilest humans on this earth, were currently having a hard-core suck face session. On. My. Piano.

I raced to the other side of the room and nearly roared, "Get off."

Apparently alcohol affects one's hearing abilities because they both completely ignored me. Without any patience when it comes to my baby, I grabbed Mike's shirt collar and dragged him onto the floor. He fell with an 'Ump', Jessica falling right after him.

Mike jumped up in a daze, "Dude what the hell!"

Jessica sat on the ground looking like she just saw aliens abduct someone.

"Stay away from my piano," I hissed and apparently I was right about my eyes because they both shrank back in fear.

"Calm down Edward." Bella's voice was the only thing that brought me back from my anger-induced haze. She made to pull me away while I quickly scanned my artistic outlet for any damage. Visibly I winced when I saw the faint smug marks across the tops of it. Damn it. If it weren't for the love of my life pulling me away determined, I would have whipped out a washcloth and wiped the whole thing down until it was once again flawless.

The guys were no longer playing video games, instead looking at Nutty who was currently dancing on top of the couch. Ummmmm… I pray to God that she doesn't do something incredibly stupid, like rip her shirt off. After all she was human, and drunk.

"Oh I have the best idea! We have to do it cause this is a teen party and you always have to do it!" Stacy declared jumping down from the sofa and staring at us all excitedly. Alice just laughed and looked amused.

Nutty continued, "Let's play spin the bottle!"

While Mike, Tyler, and Jessica agreed a little too enthusiastically, the rest of us made for the door.

"Wait just a minute kids!" Nutty called to us in an unnaturally authoritative voice, "Now I am the rule maker this week and I say that you will play spin the bottle with us whether you like it or not! So sit your pretty little butts down!"

"She can't make us do this right?" I whined, looking over to one of the cameramen for confirmation. Unfortunately his thoughts and facial expression told me she could. Damn it.

Emmett just cocked an eyebrow and plopped down on the ground with Rosalie. The humans were entirely giddy over the subject, and it was quite disturbing when it came to their thoughts.

Jessica left and quickly stumbled back in with Lauren and Angela. Oh hell, just kill me now. Angela was nice, but I was not going to kiss her, and Lauren was a sick fuck. Whatever, I will just make sure the bottle falls how I want it to.

The thirteen of us sat in a circle looking at Stacy. Great, we just had to have an unlucky number of people. A simple bear bottle lay in the center mocking me.

_Yeah well Mr. Bottle I could so turn you to dust so you better watch out! Don't just sit there all innocent like, I'm watching you!_

"Edward? Why are you glaring at the beer bottle?" Bella asked rather loudly, giggling a bit before sipping her red cup.

"Oh uhh nothing." I was not just talking to a bottle.

Stacy clapped her hands excitedly, "Okay Hmmm, Jessica right? You go first."

Jessica reached out for the torture device and spun it eagerly. Her eyes kept flashing up to my lips while I continued to glare at the damn bottle. It started to slow down and was coming way too close to me, so I sort of nonchalantly punched the ground. It caused the bottle to spin entirely around thankfully making me safe. Only my family noticed.

'_Hey no cheating Eddie, so not fair,_' Alice warned, but I really didn't care. I was not kissing a human. And no, Bella is not a human, she is an angel.

The bottle stopped in front of Tyler. Jessica paused for a brief second and then practically jumped him. Yeah, this isn't awkward and disgusting or anything. Turning slightly I kissed Bella on the head and inhaled her luscious scent. Mmm, just her presence made everything better. She just sat there drinking from her little red cup.

"Okay now it's Alice's turn," Stacy bellowed. Alice was on the right of Jessica, and just to the left of Bella.

Alice delicately flicked the bottle and watched it spin with a knowing smirk. Gracefully she stood up and walked over to Rosalie before the bottle even stopped. But of course it was on Rose once it had.

"Hey babe! One for old times sake?" Alice giggled, plopping into Rose's lap. This game was definitely on my hate list.

Without even hesitating, Rose and Alice just started to… umm make out, again. Right there. The humans all dropped their jaws with wide eyes; lil Jasper and lil Emmett seemed to be having a _hard_ time, while Bella just sat laughing. She wasn't even blushing.

"Okay Bella's turn!" Alice sang leaping back to her spot. It took all my will power not to drag my girl out of there right then. Alice started to sing in Greek in her mind so she must have known who Bella would get.

The bottle span, I glared, Bella looked… excited? And then it landed on Mike. Shit.

"Okay Bella it's your bed time, let's go." My hand not gripping hers balled into a fist as I made to drag her away. Screw Stacy, my girl is not kissing Newton.

"Wait! Eddie I wana get a kissy!" I froze and turned to face my Bella. She stood there pouting at me before giggling and skipping away.

"Bella?"

"I wana get a kissy! Mmmhmm!"

"Bella are you drunk."

"Nope."

"What are you drinking?"

"Fruit punch silly."

"Give me your cup."

"Nah uhh!" She skipped further away from me still giggling like a little schoolgirl. The rest of the group juts watched us.

Newton had the nerve to stand up and face me, "Hey Cullen, Bella wants to kiss me so let her. What, afraid I'm a better kisser!?"

Bella walked back over to me slowly. "Oooo is Eddie friends with a little green monster?" She sang at me teasingly. She had to be drunk, because she never called me that.

"Bella…" I snatched the now empty red cup from her hands. Sniffing it I smelled the fruit punch, but that wasn't all. Shit, someone spiked the damn juice.

"Honey you're drunk, you don't want to kiss Newton."

"Yes I do!" She grabbed Newton by the collar pulled his smug face down to hers. I will kill him!

Emmett grabbed me from behind and I fought like a mad man. Hell no. Oh hell fucking no.

But I was too late to stop Bella. In the end though I was really really glad I didn't.

He had his eyes closed all ready to kiss her when Bella's face twisted in disgust and she just puked. All over him.

My girl never mixed well with alcoholic beverages. She burped softly and walked back over to me with a smile on her face. She pulled me back to our spot and curled up in my lap.

I ignored Newton's screams as he ran out of the room. He wasn't even worth Bella's barf.

And then it was my turn. I was too euphoric to have Bella entirely pure of the filth called Newton that I did not pay attention.

"Shit this is great!" Emmett bellowed hunched over in laughter. Jasper hit me with a strong wave of fear right before I looked up at the bottle. Oh hell shit talking monkeys.

Lauren grinned up at me in what she believed to be sexy but it was utterly repulsive. Like a cat stalking a mouse she stood and started for me.

"Stay away from me!" I glared and even growled, but she was unfazed. That damn Jasper had to keep hitting her with lust and confidence.

She started swirling her ugly hair around her fingers as if she were flirting, "Come here Eddie weddie, kiss me."

Scouting Bella off my lap, I back away looking for an escape. Stacy knowingly blocked the only exit and I was trapped. Shit! Think Edward think! Brain blast!

I was standing in front of the closet, an empty closet that locks from the outside. Well, might as well get this over with.

"Fine, come here Lauren. I'm not a very patient man," my voice was low and husky as I pictured Bella walking toward me instead.

The girl looked like she had a heart attack when I smirked at her. She practically ran over to me thoroughly excited and haughty. Just before she reached for me eagerly, I put up my finger.

"Not yet babe, "_gag_, "In the closet, I want privacy."

Understanding filled her flat unappealing eyes as she scurried into the darkness. I winked at her before turning and slamming the door in her face, locking it of course.

"W-wait! Eddie you have to be in here too!" Her whines were faint behind the door.

"There is no way in hell I am letting you come near me."

Smiling in triumph I made my way back to the circle while the brat slammed her fists on the closet door screaming.

"Let. Me. OUT!"

"So who's next?" I asked nonchalantly while my family sat practically convulsing in laughter. Emmett high fived me, and Jasper held a thumbs up.

"My turn! Now it's my turn!" The Nut squealed before spinning the bottle. Now everyone looked absolutely petrified. No matter where it landed this would be mortifying.

She spun the thing pretty hard and it just kept spinning, taunting us all. Just as the thing started to slow down there was a loud crash and a bark. Evidently someone had let him out of his enclosure in the backyard because Monster came bounding down the stairs charging Emmet like it had rabies. Just before it hit its target, Emmett rolled out of the way and the bottle lay still. It was pointing at the dog.

Silence. Everyone just stared back and forth from the animal sitting there drooling and a befuddled Nutcracker.

Attempting to break the silence Bella spoke, "Well Emmett you are one hell of a lucky dude." That did it and we all started laughing.

"I'm just that good Bella!" He winked at her jokingly. But the Nut was still staring, but now with a calculative look about her face.

"Well… rules are rules. Come here doggy."

"Eww!" Everyone was making faces and the girls shrieking in aversion. The Nut freaking attacked the dog. The animal thought nothing of it, instead licking her face right back. I was going to throw up. Bella did.

"Holy hell what it going on down here?" Carlisle demanded from the staircase. He looked entirely repulsed just like the rest of us.

Nutty finally pulled back spitting up hair, "Nothing, we are just playing spin the bottle."

"You were kissing the dog."

"The bottle told me to!"

"Emmet I think you were right when you said she went insane."

"Yeah uhh game over, kids I think it's time for you to go home." At Carlisle's demand everyone started to file out. "Wait, why is there screaming coming from the closet?"

I ducked my head and grinned guiltily, "Well umm about that, I sort of… you know what, I have no idea." I pulled Bella up the stairs with me laughing when I heard a thud. Lauren would be leaning her full weight on the door while screaming for someone to open it.

* * *

**_Jasper's POV_**

Edward took off with Bella upstairs while Emmett and I sent everyone on his or her way. This night was definitely interesting to say the least. I still cannot believe that Nutty kissed the dog without my help. Okay so maybe I had a little tiny bit to do with it. But that shit was funny.

I was glad this whole ordeal was almost over. Sure it was downright hilarious at times, but I missed Esme and these humans were getting annoying. Everyday I had to deal with the emotions of at least thirty different people without rest due to all the cameramen etc…

"Jazzy, help me take down the driveway lights?" Alice asked once we made sure everyone had left. Stacy was passed out I on the couch in the basement. Actually I think I liked the crazy strict woman better than the insane party one.

"Sure thing," I smiled and took Alice's hand, leading her outside. We started at the entrance and quickly had all the lights down and wrapped neatly within a matter of seconds. Now we had about an hour to kill. Showing up about a minute after we left with all the lights might be a tad suspicious. I grabbed Alice's hand and ran with her through the forest.

"Did you enjoy the party Ali?"

We sat in our tree and gazed at the stars. In was a large oak about a mile away from the house and it absolutely fascinated me. Its trunk twisted like a candy cane where upon the branches stretched out far and wide in the most beautiful design. I also liked the fact that it was so old, aged, and yet still magnificent. I don't know I guess the fact that it could withstand transforming in to the magnificent beast from a tiny seed meant that I too could prevail through all my struggles and be the best man I could be for Alice's sake.

Her tinkling laughter was music to my ears, "It was fantastic to plan! I love putting my skills to the test! Four hours is my record I think."

Gently I encased her small hand in mine, "Yes well you are simply amazing. Anything you set your mind to you will achieve."

"Corny much?"

"You love it."

"I love you."

"I love you too," I kissed her forehead lightly before gazing up at the stars once more. Just then, a shooting star shot across the sky in a brilliant blaze.

"That reminds me of a quote I came across awhile back," She turned to face me expectantly.

"It's called The World's Most Beautiful, by Edwan Shaharir

_I'd give anything to see the sun set on the horizon,  
_

_I'd do anything to gaze at a full moon in the night sky;  
_

_Even a rainbow would make me smile,  
_

_And I'd love to swim in crystal clear waters  
_

_Of an untouched sea;  
_

_Sometimes I'll see a shooting star,  
_

_And try to gaze from afar,  
_

_All the diamonds in the night sky;  
_

_The mist on the mountains is breathtaking,  
_

_As is walking in rainforest;  
_

_To see cascading waterfalls I'd do anything for,  
_

_As to stand on the highest peak in the world,  
_

_And look at the sights below;  
_

_I'd love to soar on wings above the clouds,  
_

_Across the bluest skies;  
_

_I'd do anything to see  
_

_All the beautiful things in the world,  
_

_Like a red rose blooming in the Sahara,  
_

_Like a river twisting through a dusty land,  
_

_All the beautiful things in the world;  
_

_  
But I also know I am looking at  
_

_The world's most beautiful creation,  
_

_Every time you smile,  
_

_And every time I look into your eyes."_

When I finished, the love that was pouring out of her very soul could have rivaled mine at the moment.

Sighing she snuggled further into my chest, "You're too perfect Jazzy."

"I'm not perfect in the least." All the mistakes I have made throughout this existence are utterly repulsive. Not only did I massacre thousands while I was with Marie, but I almost cost my brother his love and life.

"Jasper look at me," I did as she commanded, "Everyone has flaws and mistakes, but that's just it. Everyone does, and you cannot live your life regretting everything little thing or else eternity would be a pretty horrible place. What I meant was that you are perfect for me, in every way."

If she could have, tears would be streaming down her face. What I did to deserve her was entirely beyond my comprehension.

So I kissed her, it wasn't soft, it wasn't sweet, but it was beautiful. I was kissing the world's most beautiful girl in the world's most beautiful tree on the world's most beautiful night.

* * *

**If you enjoyed anything in this chapter please review!! And any last minute requests for this story will be taken into consideration if there is something you really really want to see. I hope you liked the Alice/Jasper bit; someone wanted more of their moments.**

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**P.S.- What did you say? Edwardluvr22 is on spring break? Are you saying that she has a bunch of free time to kill which may or may not be spent on fanfiction? Ohhh but she needs reviews to write, I see. Hmm I wonder if her readers can do it? *wink wink***


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